Miles gets tough with an authority figure, while Bob sees what goes on behind the scenes.

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ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta Hey, everybody. What are we saying? This is Bob. Marijuana. Hey, everyone. Miles. Is that another version? Yes, it is. Last verse. Oh, is that from your high school days? No, that’s from the song, actually. The real song. Oh, okay. I had no idea. Weird wow stuff. That’s right. You would not know that, I know. I know, well… a native speaker like yourself i know you love to impress people with your ability to speak yes spanish i love spanish love it It’s your best thing. Makes me feel good all inside. Glad all over. Yeah. And then some. And then some. So… You okay there? Yeah, I’m just going to hack up some loogie while I’m going to mute myself. Well, hey, every night, every time we record, it’s like you just got home from football practice. I got mesothelioma or something. Do you really? I don’t know. I just guessed. You got everything. Anything they advertise, you got it. You got it. You got it.
No, I’m all right. I need all the drugs. I got it. I’m so tired of being dead. I’m so tired of being dead. Won’t you put a tombstone above my head? Everybody. Yeah. They were already old when they started that group. They weren’t that old. Older than me. No, they were not. Yes, all of them were. Negative. Nope. What? Nope. I would look that up, my friend. You would be wrong. At the time they started, not now. You would be wrong. You would be wrong. Who was younger than me when that group started? Roy Orbison. You’re such an idiot. Roy Orbison, the oldest one. He was 75 when that group started. Look it up. It’s true. Look it up. All right. I meant when the group started, not today. I’m telling you. I’m telling you. I’m telling you. When that group started, I was like 30 or something. Right. And Roy Orbison definitely was not 30. No, I’m saying your age now. I mean, you’re like 75 or something. No, you said my age now. No, I didn’t. I said not my age now.
No, you said no. You said my age now. No. There was not a not in it. Swear to God. Anyhow, let’s not talk about them anymore. Hey. So… Yeah, let’s talk about me for once. Talk about you and your… For once, okay. Your freaking obsession with old rock stars. Yeah. Everybody. Yeah, okay, enough. We don’t need to hear it. We did Red and the Monkey Man. We’re hot up for cash. Yeah, okay. All right, go ahead. So anyway, you’ve been making fun of me because I’ve been trying to be a more active person. To be a man. In my past. I’m not a gym person, per se. Right. I’ve not been a gym person You know, I did, you know, in high school, in school, go to gym. And then, you know, I had to go to the gym in college because I hurt my leg so bad. That’s where I had to go for rehabilitation when I hurt my leg. But I’ve not been an avid, you know, gym rat kind of person. So here lately I’ve been going and trying to do some stuff, you know.
You made fun of me for doing aqua aerobics. So I’ve been swimming, right? Like swimming laps and things. Right. And so I’ve noticed a trend at the gym. So I go early in the morning. I go first. My wife and I go together. We go and we swim. And, you know, we put in our time, do our regiment, whatever you want to call it. And then, you know, because everything’s segregated by men and women, she goes to the women’s locker room. Right, right. What were you thinking I was going to say? No, you know, I mean, you live by St. Louis and you start talking about segregation. I go, oh, geez, I don’t. Oh, no. And then I go to the men’s locker room. Yeah. Here recently, I’ve noticed a trend. Men with uncircumcised penis. No, that wasn’t where I was going with that. I was just trying to speed along your story a little bit. I’m sorry. Have I taken too much time for you?
Well, no, there’s this whole Andy Rooney buildup. I’m like, all right, let’s cut to the chase a little bit here. Okay, so the other day, I get done swimming. I’m tallying off as I’m walking into the men’s locker room. You have to walk up through the showers, and then you’re into the open space that is the locker room. Yes, okay. And there’s two guys in there talking about home repairs or something. Mm-hmm. and i happen to notice one guy is fully clothed right and the other guy’s donald ducking it because all he’s got is a shirt on Wait, no bottoms? No bottoms. Oh, my God. None. None. They’re looking at each other, right? Yeah. And one guy’s sitting on the bench with no bottoms. No. No. And the other guy’s standing up leaning against the lockers. I’m thinking about doing some drywall. No. Uh-uh. No. Yes. Yes. No.
And I proceed to get fully clothed and leave, having been dripping wet in the bathing suit, fully clothed and leave, and the guy’s still sitting there with no pants on and just a shirt on. And I get out to the car and I told my wife, I’m like, this guy was Donald Ducking it in the locker room for like the whole, like probably a good five or seven minutes while I was in there. No. It gets worse. Oh, well, he’s sitting on like a public, like a bench, like his bare ass. In the locker room. Yeah. With his bare ass on the. Oh, God. He may have had a towel. I don’t know. I wasn’t looking that close. So then just today, today I get done swimming. I come in, I’m telling off. I walk into the open locker room, totally different guy. Yeah. Standing there with just a shirt on no pants.
Talking about building something. I mean, it was almost as if he was like a really, like he, it was, you’re walking down a tunnel and then it’s just, he’s right there. You can see everything. And it was not, I mean, it was, it wasn’t worth seeing. I don’t want to see it. I mean, this is not something that I would want to see ever. When I get dressed, pants and underwears and pants would go on first. I got news for you. No way. These guys just standing around with just a shirt on. Just a shirt on commencingly. Hey, what’s going on? With no movements to put any underwear or anything on. No movement. No towel. They’re not even trying. They’re just standing there talking to each other, I suppose, I guess. I tried not to use drop. Hey, you guys talk about drywall? Yeah. Usually, it seems like it’s about building. I don’t know if they change it when I get in there. They change their language. I don’t know. I enjoy mold. Here comes that weirdo. I’m going to talk about buildings.
They’re all talking about mulch. They’re all ducking it with their dicks out, with their no pants, you know, just a shirt on. If they start talking about mulch, like, you’d be right there like, hey, wait a minute. I don’t want to talk about mulch. How about some rocks? And bones. Yeah. This guy, a different guy. Not the same guy. Two different guys. No. There’s no way. Yeah. Oh, yes way. I… I’m going to have to get a tally sheet because this is happening way too often. There is no way I’m going to converse with someone in that state of undress. That would be my, I’d be like, I’ll catch you outside. Yeah. 10 good minutes here. I’m going to be outside. This is a changing room. This isn’t the conversing with your pants off room.
I guess. Is that a thing? That’s what I’m asking you. I figured you might know. You’re a little bit more in the know of these things. No, I have not really been in a locker room situation for a long time. But anyway, I just was like, I was telling my wife, she’s like, no pants. I’m like, yeah, no pants. I’m like, Donald Duck, just a shirt. that’s weird. I’m sorry, man. It’s weird. Yeah. You know, nobody had, uh, it was aroused or anything, but it certainly was. Hey, let’s hang some wet towels. Let’s see who wins. Yeah. I was like, I just, I just got my stuff together and got out. Yeah. You just put on your shirt and walked out. Oh, sure. I know. Walked right out of there. Mr. McGillicuddy. I mean, no towel, no towel inside. No shame either. No shame. Apparently. Yeah. I don’t know. I’m not secure enough, I guess, to sit around half some other dudes. Let me tell you, these guys should not have been secure enough either. Yeah.
Were these dudes older than you, you think? No, probably very similar. Maybe a little bit, maybe not. I can never tell anymore. Yeah, you didn’t converse with them like, hey, Bob Lament here. Hey, let’s talk about drywall and hang some dogs. You know where a 16 putting nail is, Bob? Yeah. I would probably went over there. Hey, let’s put some underwear on. I mean, that line from, uh, what color is your underwear? Cause I would love to see them on. Yeah. I’m thinking about that line from, uh, the hangover where he’s like, dude, I think it’s weird. I have to ask you a second time to put on some pants or whatever. There’s something, the line is something like that. That is weird. There was no Bradley Coopers. It was all Zach Galifianakis, let me tell you. Yeah. Dude’s hanging dong. Yeah. That would be a loose… I would not even say anything to my wife. I’d be like, I’m not going back. Why? Why?
I just, I hurt myself. I’m not going to go do that again. I hurt myself. Yeah. Yeah. So, but I mean, it is a locker room, so you’re going to see, you know, butts and whatnot, but I didn’t, I’m like standing around talking about building things and you’re naked from the waist down. I mean, someone just quickly dropping trowel or something, you know, that would be expected, but you know, just to have like a full fledged conversation, like. Hold on. Let me take off my tighty whiteys. Hold on. Hold on. Okay. Talk to me now. Now, the one guy who was sitting down, I got dressed. I went and I urinated and then left still sitting there, no pants. that’s a little long. Yeah, that’s, yeah, that’s way too long. I mean, unless you got it’s like some kind of doctor’s note that says you have to air dry. If it was me, I would be, uh, dressed in record time. I’d be, there’s no way i’m hanging out and just, you know, Hey dudes, what’s up, man? Yeah. Yeah. I’m trying to remember. I can’t remember. He had a towel on the bench or not i’ll give him the benefit and say there was a towel, but i don’t recall.
Anyone want to go to Panera later? Come on. I don’t know. That’s that is weird, dude. Yeah, it was really, it’s happened twice now. Diff totally different sets of people. I think maybe it’s a thing. I think I wonder if I’ll get invited to join the club. Yeah. You might be the next guy. Why don’t you, uh, come here, bud. Okay. How would you like to talk about some, uh, the building trade with me? Huh? Sure. We’ll take off your pants. We’ll talk about it. Like Walter Matthau standing around with his pants off. Oh, my God. That’s weird. Felix. They called me Milton Berle. You know what that means? Yeah, no, nobody was called Milton Berle in this group. Or more innies than outies, if you ask me. Yeah, it was like, you know, it was like the one guy who was standing there as I walked in, I was like,
you know, what am I looking at? What am I seeing here? Not again. Another pantsless person with a shirt on. Put on some fucking pants, you weirdos. This is not that we need to make a sign that tells you what you dress. You put your underpants on first. Then you have a choice, pants or shirt. I’m never sitting on a bench like that again. I mean, you got to figure it’s a locker room. It’s got Ash cheeks on all the time. Yeah. But still, do you want to be the guy that’s got to clean that up? Like, yeah. Well, I think they just have a power. Yeah. That’s disgusting. So what’s going on with you? I’ve seen, I’ve seen more Dick. Yeah. Man. Yeah. You’ve seen more Dick in the last few weeks. And my wife’s best friend does a race. Yeah. That’s unusual. Yeah.
So, um, switching gears for a moment, there’s no nudity, male nudity, my story, everyone. So if you’re still listening, it may not be as funny, but so, you know, uh, I work at this, you know, stupid auto parts, you know, thing in a crappy part of town. And, uh, they’ve decided to like revamp the store and they’re like, well, we’re going to close for about a week or two and you’re going to work at a different store in a nicer part of town. I’m like, okay. Right. And I’m like, all right. All right. And, um, it’s, uh, like some older buildings downtown. I’m like, okay. All right. And, uh, there’s, uh, there’s parking in the back or just people that work there, you know, the various businesses and stuff. Right. Yeah. And so, uh,
plenty of parking, but you know, it’s supposed to be kind of designated, you know, so excuse me. So anyway, uh, my son had to borrow the car. So I’m like, well, why don’t you drop me off? And then, you know, all the work and we pull in and I kind of pull into a spot and I go, listen, I’m eating my breakfast sandwich, my healthy breakfast sandwich. I love to eat. Yeah. Yeah. It’s, you know, it’s something like that. Yes. Yeah. And, uh, I go, I’m almost done. Just let me have a few more bites. He’s like, okay, whatever. And, uh, so I look up and I’ve kind of backed into a spot and I’m kind of looking at the back of these buildings and there’s like these two guys going up some stairs and they have like some power tools and stuff like that. Were they, did they, were they wearing pants? Everyone was dressed. Yeah. There’s a, there is no male nudity in this story, so you can relax. Just checking. And, um,
And I see like the lead guy kind of like, like looking back, looking back, looking back, like, you know, like, uh, shooting me some looks, you know? Okay. Okay. And I’m like, okay, well, whatever. Uh, they’re going up. Whatever. I’m, I’m eating this McGriddle. And, uh, you know, so there, I don’t know if they were just going to go to the top floor or go up with the roof. I don’t know. I really didn’t give a shit. Anyway, this guy keeps like looking at me, you know, like he knows me or something like, okay. All right. He probably is admiring your veracity of eating your griddle. Hey, didn’t I see you in the locker room recently? And so I get done eating, and my son gets out because he’s going to take the car, and the guy starts like, hey, hey, you, hey, hey, hey, you. Yeah, yeah, what’s up? What’s up? He goes, hey, you parking there? I go, no.
Well, yeah, you really can’t park there. Got to move it. I go, hey, chief, hold up, all right? We’re leaving, all right? That’s the way I said it because I’m tough. I’m a badass. I’m like, hey, chief. You know, that’s politically accepted. You can still say, hey, chief. No, it’s not, but okay, go ahead. No, I know, but hey, I know. I said, hey, chief. No, just relax, all right, dude? All right, dude? You didn’t break into Frankie Goes to Hollywood, did you? Relax. Relax. Don’t put your pants on. And, uh, so my son, you know, gets a car and leaves. I’m walking in and, uh, one of my coworkers is there. Nice young lady. My name is Susie. She goes, wow, miles. Where’d it go, man. All right. Yeah. Telling that guy off. That was pretty cool. I’m like, oh, okay. I go, I don’t know. I’m not really anyone’s hero. I mean, I don’t know. I don’t know. Who is he?
And, uh, the morning cruise there and they’re all lunch later. I don’t eat McGriddle. And, uh, so anyway, there’s like, uh, for the people that work there, they like to get there early and just bullshit and gossip and all this, you know, like, which I’m not really that kind of person. So I’m doing, well, you’re not an on time person, let alone an early person. So I just like to take off my pants and go to the counter and, uh, No, but anyway, so I’m in my locker getting some stuff right. I hear her talking to the other people. She’s like, man, that Miles is quite a guy. Wow. I’m like, oh, come on. She goes, he just told the building manager to go get bent. I’m like, what? She goes, yeah, that’s the guy that owns the building. That’s too funny. What? Yeah, he just told the building manager.
I’m like, well, that’s Miles’ last day at work. Thank you, everyone. Good night. Farewell. Farewell. I didn’t mean chief. I meant… When I meant chief, I meant fire chief. I did not mean… Hey, boss. I meant boss. Boss. I slipped out. I’m sure it didn’t mean chief, but sure. And like everyone that comes in, she tells this story, retells it. Oh, that guy. This guy named Miles. He’s here and he’s just a badass. He’s like… I’m like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I’m nobody’s hero. I’m like Mad Max. I’m an anti-hero, man. Don’t even, you know. I put my shirt on one sleeve at a time when I go to the locker room. I just sit here with my pants off in the locker room. That’s right. Talking about building things. I groom people in the locker room. Weird. I know. It was like the whole day I’ve had like all this anxiety. Like, oh God, I know this is going to come back. Well, now you can’t.
you can’t, you’re going to have to ask your wife to switch cars. Cause there’s no way you can show up with that car again. I’m going to come up to like some slack tires. Oh, you who’s chief. Oh, who put nails underneath all my tires. That’s kind of weird. Oh, why is there an ax in my door? Yeah. Yeah. So yeah, I was like, I don’t know. I was like, I don’t know. Hmm. Yeah. See, You’re a tough guy at the best of you there. I know. I was being almost big balls, and I’m like, all right, all right. Hold on there. Hold on, Chief. Mm-hmm. Chief. I was just doing my. Robert Shaw from, I was doing Robert Shaw from Jaws, and I was like, hey, Chief, grab the fire extinguisher. Brody. Brody. You got city hats, you know.
Yeah. So the whole day I’ve just been like, Oh, I’m waiting for like our manager to show up and be like, Hey, listen, man, not cool. You know, our, uh, native American building owner is not real happy with you right now. I just, a chief seemed appropriate. Okay. I’m sorry. It’s just that it’s, it’s stuck out. Who made you parking patrol? We’re leaving. Yeah. I mean, I wasn’t going to say bro. Cause he was way too old to say bro. I’m like, Hey bro. Hey, bro. Could have said my man or I don’t know. Maybe you need to get some new… What would you call that? I don’t even know what you call that. Cultural appropriation. My apologies. New verbiage on people there, maybe. I’d like to apologize to the Native American people. Toots is not a good one for you. Broad.
Toots. Yeah. Hey, toots. Hey, sugar tits. I mean, these are ones you’ve all used in the past, so I’m assuming not at any moment. Hey, sweetheart. Yeah. Yeah. So to the building owner, I would like to apologize in a roundabout way. In a way, he will not even realize that I apologize. I was having like a sugar high when this thing happens. I’m sorry. Down a McGriddle or two. They still had syrup all over it. Guys probably like a quick getting maple syrup all over the goddamn parking lot. You know, Hey fat. So, you know, it’s no eat in the parking lot here. freaking John Panetta out here. If anybody gets that reference at all. I just saw a little story on him actually on TikTok about an hour ago. They were just talking about that. He’s a funny guy. Born in 1964. John Panetta. He did the griddle outside his building. Oh, my God. Well, his career is on a trajectory.
Oopsies.