Join us for Episode 78 of Dumpsterpiece Theatre as we tackle 1973's "The Holy Mountain" - Alejandro Jodorowsky's fever dream masterpiece that makes Zardoz look like a Disney film. This is what happens when someone reads every philosophy book ever written, takes a lot of psychedelics, and decides to make a movie about it.

What You're Getting Into:

Scott drags Liz through two hours of avant-garde absurdity featuring more naked people than a European art museum, enough religious symbolism to confuse a seminary professor, and a plot that makes absolutely no sense until it breaks the fourth wall and tells you none of it mattered anyway. It's like being trapped in someone's very expensive college thesis project about enlightenment.

Fun Facts:

• George Harrison was originally cast but noped out faster than you can say "Here Comes the Sun"
• The film features a professional chimp actor who promptly retired after this performance (we don't blame him)
• Jodorowsky wrote, directed, produced, starred in, and probably catered this thing because apparently one job wasn't enough
• The movie was shelved for 30 years, which honestly wasn't long enough

The Verdict:

Liz delivers a rare full 5-dumpster rating while questioning every life choice that led her to watch conquistador toads battle chameleons in elaborate costumes. Scott attempts to explain the deep symbolic meaning behind literal excrement-to-gold alchemy while Liz slowly loses her sanity.

If you've ever wondered what it's like to have your brain thoroughly scrambled by cinematic pretension disguised as spiritual enlightenment, this episode is for you. Fair warning: you may need a shower and a nap afterward.

Next Episode:

We're detoxing with "Fire in the Sky" - D.B. Sweeney gets allegedly abducted by aliens in 1993. After this week's journey, alien probing sounds downright relaxing.

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Join us for Episode 77 of Dumpsterpiece Theatre as we wrap up Emily in Paris Season 2 - where champagne sabering goes horribly wrong, pregnant bosses eat their way through every scene, and fashion shows at Versailles somehow involve twerking in fancy underwear.

Key Moments:

• Camille's dad literally loses a fingertip while sabering champagne, spraying blood all over Emily's face in the most slapstick sequence this show has ever produced
• Claude becomes our champagne expert, explaining the proper technique for sabering bottles (spoiler: you have to commit to the motion)
• Madeline arrives in Paris looking like she swallowed a bowling ball, then proceeds to eat baby carrots in literally every scene while wielding corporate buzzwords like weapons
• We witness mime harassment in the wild as a street performer mocks Madeline's pregnancy because apparently that's comedy gold
• The fashion show at Versailles features Gregory dressed as Marie Antoinette presenting shapewear through interpretive dance and flash mob choreography
• Timothy breaks up with Emily via bicycle chase in the most mature relationship conversation she's had all season
• Sylvie's husband Laurent shows up in a towel-wearing Eric's worst nightmare scenario at the apartment door
• Luke delivers the ultimate foot-in-mouth performance by spilling Emily's entire romantic history to Alfie at a party
• Pierre fires Savoir in the most brutal French dismissal ever: "You will never understand me"
• The great Savoir rebellion unfolds as the entire French office quits simultaneously, leaving Emily to choose between Chicago corporate life and Parisian chaos

Distance Watch Update: Alfie's "long distance" relationship from London clocks in at a whopping 2 hours and 18 minutes by train. If Hardin and Tessa can survive 38 minutes, anyone can make this work.

Is this season finale a masterpiece of romantic confusion? Absolutely not. Does it feature enough workplace drama, finger injuries, and questionable fashion choices to keep us entertained? Surprisingly, yes! The season earns points for commitment to chaos but loses them for making us sit through three episodes of Camille's manipulative scheming.

Next Episode: We're taking a wild detour into art house cinema with "The Holy Mountain" - a 1973 fever dream featuring characters named "The Chimpanzee" and "Bald Woman Two." Prepare for enlightenment, or at least confusion.

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Join us for Episode 76 of Dumpsterpiece Theater as we fall back into the After universe with "After We Fell" - where a 38-minute drive counts as long distance, Bulgarian doctors deliver devastating medical news, and Hardin's tattoo collection looks like he lost a bet at a flash sheet convention.

Key Moments:

• We document the Great Actor Swap of 2021 as literally two-thirds of the cast gets replaced, including new versions of Landon, Kim, Karen, Christian Vance, and Tessa's dad
• Claude becomes our sex education expert, explaining why condoms are significantly less effective in hot tubs due to heat damage and chemical interference
• The cheapest door in cinematic history gets roasted as we witness a hollow closet door on a supposed multi-million dollar Seattle mansion
• Dr. Bulgarian delivers the most concerning medical diagnosis ever with his stellar performance about Tessa's "inhospitable uterus" and "bum cervix"
• We analyze Hardin's hodgepodge tattoo collection featuring Hebrew script, playing cards, birds, barbed wire flowers, and scales of justice with zero coherence
• The broken apartment window becomes a drinking game as the same stock footage appears at least five times throughout the film
• Christian Vance drops the ultimate bombshell in the most awkward hotel bar conversation ever
• We explore the Bulgaria filming location that explains all the new European actors and questionable American accents
• Tessa's power suit gets compared to political figures while she settles into her fancy Seattle publishing job
• The infamous gym scene writing gets called out for its Pulitzer-worthy dialogue

Is this movie a masterpiece? Absolutely not. Does it feature enough ridiculous plot twists and questionable medical advice to keep us entertained? Surprisingly, yes! The film earns points for commitment to chaos but loses them for the inexplicable 38-minute "long distance" relationship crisis.

Next Episode: We're wrapping up Emily in Paris Season 2 with champagne problems, fashion shows at Versailles, and Emily facing her biggest decision yet. Hold onto your berets!

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Join us for Episode 75 of Dumpsterpiece Theater as we hit the slopes with "Chalet Girl" - where a fast-food worker becomes a snowboarding prodigy in just four months because apparently the transition from skateboard to switch rodeo 900s is "easy as pie."

Key Moments:

• We dive deep into caviar economics after witnessing $900 tins of beluga caviar being casually purchased for chalet dinner service
• Claude becomes our resident sommelier, explaining why a 1962 Dom Perignon is well past its prime drinking window after 63 years
• Scott and Liz debate the proper etiquette for naked snow frolicking after Kim gets caught butt-naked in car headlights
• We attempt to decode the bizarre British party game "Nibble Dibble" and Georgie's mysterious neck-farting talents that drive Nigel wild
• Ed Westwick's attempt at playing a "nice guy" gets thoroughly roasted as we watch him cheat on his fiancée with the help
• The passionate sports girl trope gets called out as Kim magically masters double black diamond runs in mere months
• We explore the expensive world of snowboarding equipment, from $70,000 landing airbags to "16th century" beginner boards
• Facebook poking nostalgia strikes as we reminisce about that forgotten social media feature
• Scott provides an unexpected dissertation on beluga sturgeon biology and why their caviar costs $400 per ounce
• We question the logistics of climbing an entire mountain at dawn without being exhausted for competition day
• Bill Nighy steals every scene with his dry British sarcasm, delivering our favorite quote about emergency landing procedures
• The sexual harassment subplot gets properly called out as creepy Bernard gets his comeuppance via hot tea to the lap
• We analyze the chalet girl culture phenomenon and its real-world parallels to Below Deck yacht crews

Bonus Content: A deep dive into switch rodeo 900 snowboarding techniques that reveals neither host has any business attempting winter sports, plus box office numbers showing this movie made a whopping $192 opening weekend in North America.

Trope Counter: Bumbling dad, passionate sports girl, gilded cage rich boy, naked freak-out, and approximately seventeen others we managed to spot.Is this movie a masterpiece? Absolutely not. Does it feature enough ridiculous British slang and Ed Westwick charm to keep us entertained? Surprisingly, yes! Scott gives it 2-2.5 dumpsters for decent scenery and Bill Nighy's excellence.

Next week: We're diving back into the After series with "After We Fell" - where Tessa makes the biggest decision of her life and we find out what happens after Hardin's daddy issues get even more complicated.

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Join us for Episode 74 of Dumpsterpiece Theater as we boil over with Emily in Paris Season 2, Episodes 6 & 7 - where Emily's marketing genius strikes again and we somehow spiral into a dissertation on early 2000s indie music.

Key Moments:

• We kick off the Emily hashtag good ideas counter with "it's like a purse you can ride" - her brilliant Vespa campaign tagline that definitely won't make anyone cringe
• Scott and Liz debate the logistics of Mackinaw Island fudge tours: toothpick-sized samples vs. inevitable fudge overdose scenarios
• A single busking scene featuring "Falling Slowly" launches us into a deep dive on the Glen Hansard/Marketa Irglova era of melancholy singer-songwriters
• We explore the forgotten musical landscape of the mid-2000s: Damien Rice, Bon Iver, Iron & Wine, and that whole "very intense feelings" acoustic movement
• Liz confesses her weakness for the "secret musician boyfriend" trope while Scott remains unimpressed by three-chord serenades
• We question European fountain bathing etiquette after witnessing naked baby chaos at botanical gardens
• We celebrate a blissfully Camille-free episode (finally!) and analyze her suspicious "supportive girlfriend" act as part of her mysterious master plan
• Scott explains tilt-shift photography after spotting the technique in a random Paris street scene
• The great MySpace nostalgia spiral: remember when Tom wasn't your friend and your profile played that one OAR song on repeat?
• Liz's business partnership trauma resurfaces with threats of ball-kicking for unnamed former collaborators
• We decode the Danish filmography of Sylvie's photographer love interest and discover the epic 132-episode saga of "2900 Happiness"
• Emily's stage-five clinger behavior gets called out as she leaves rambling voicemails and sends 400+ texts in six hours
• The episode ends with Sylvie secretly embracing American fitness culture on her contraband Pelotech

Bonus Content: Scott provides an unexpected lecture on ramps (wild leeks), their connection to the constellation Aries, and why Pennsylvanians go absolutely feral during ramp season.

Is Emily's marketing getting any better? Absolutely not. Are we having way too much fun analyzing every ridiculous detail? Mais oui! Next week: we're hitting the slopes with "Chalet Girl" featuring Chuck Bass himself, Ed Westwick.

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Join us for Episode 73 of Dumpsterpiece Theater as we wade through the lukewarm waters of "Love Across Time," a time-traveling romance so bland it makes beige look vibrant.

Key Moments:

• Scott and Liz immediately identify the film as "the beige of movies" - like a nondescript rental car that fails to leave any impression
• We explore the puzzling geography of Castle Eden (the real-life filming location) and its surprising connection to Robert the Bruce
• The mysterious case of Chesley/Chelsea's job description - is she a banker? Real estate inspector? Marketing person? We never quite figure it out
• Our heroes question the medical accuracy of the EpiPen scene that defies all standard protocols for anaphylactic shock
• We debate the time travel logistics: How does Charles manage to invest £1,000 in 1799 and have it magically turn into £246 million by 2025?
• Scott investigates how a man from 1799 would acquire a modern identity (answer: it's complicated and probably illegal)
• The revelation that Quinn's actor may be in his first-ever role, explaining his awkward neckbeard video game acting
• Liz and Scott marvel at Castle Eden's current incarnation as a luxury rental complete with "dungeon bar" and "American fridge"
• Our hosts compare the film's chemistry-free romance to Mormon literature traditions, leading to unexpected tangents about Twilight and "two cocks Eddie"
• We learn about the glory of the 1999 Toyota Corolla, which caused an entire audience to spontaneously yawn when unveiled

Is it good? Not particularly. Is it a dumpsterpiece? Not quite - it's too unremarkable even for that distinction. This one earns a solid "double meh" rating for being neither entertainingly bad nor accidentally good.

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Join us for Episode 72 of Dumpsterpiece Theater as we embark on an unexpectedly nostalgic journey through 2004's "Eurotrip," a raunch-com masterpiece that's somehow both terribly offensive and surprisingly clever.

Key Moments:

• Liz reveals her deeply personal airport safety card ritual, including her search for the mysteriously misshapen United Airlines child illustration
• Scott confesses to 20 years of having "Scotty Doesn't Know" shouted at him by strangers, despite not identifying as a "Scotty"
• We debate the tattooed appeal of Matt Damon's punk rock cameo, which was apparently filmed during a SARS outbreak with minimal planning
• Our heroes discover the only nude beach in Europe populated exclusively by flapping elderly men
• The twins accidentally make out in Bratislava after chugging absinthe, leading to a deep dive on whether hallucinogenic wormwood is actually legal in the US
• We explore the film's most quotable line ("That is not a robot move!") and celebrate Fred Armisen's perfectly deadpan Italian pervert
• Michelle Trachtenberg takes us back to the early 2000s, with the sad footnote of her recent passing
• The reveal of the Anne Frank scene that was too offensive even for this movie, proving some lines shouldn't be crossed

Is it good? Absolutely not. Is it a dumpsterpiece? Surprisingly, no - it's just a perfectly preserved time capsule of early 2000s comedy that couldn't be made today, for better or worse.

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Join us as we dive into Emily in Paris S2 episodes 4-5, where our protagonist's terrible French skills take center stage alongside a hilariously awkward love triangle. Watch Emily dramatically return Gabrielle's cast iron pan while completely overreacting to the entire situation, all while Camille gives her the coldest French shoulder imaginable.

We detour into passionate debates about sparkling water (La Croix: "It doesn't taste like anything!"), explore the questionable "magic leek soup" diet (one leek in four quarts of water = weight loss miracle?), and investigate Gwyneth Paltrow's Goop empire. Plus, Emily's French class partner gets her to accidentally shoplift, someone writes the worst French letter in history, and we learn that Brussels sprouts are just "little balls of cabbage that need to be roasted in liters of olive oil to be edible."

From Emily's middle-school "pact" with Camille, to street performer turf wars featuring an aggressive mime, to Gabrielle's perfect hair (enjoy it while it lasts!), this episode delivers pure dumpster gold. As always, the tangents are better than the show itself!

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We've emerged from our unplanned hiatus to tackle "The Duel" - where noodley-armed Dylan Sprouse and his Australian nemesis aim flintlock pistols at each other over a girl who can't decide which bro she wants!

Key Moments:

• Patrick Warburton (aka Putty) narrates and stars in this gentlemanly festival of atonement with philosophical musings and a hipster mustache
• A burning surfboard starts a feud that somehow requires black powder pistols to resolve
• Our protagonists get drugged and kidnapped to a Mexican drug lord's estate (that's actually in Indiana?) for their duel
• Abby, the woman they're fighting over, gets kidnapped too... but with a complimentary spa day!
• The world's most awkward dinner party features Hunter S. Thompson funeral plans and toxic masculinity accusations
• A sociopathic daughter recites 17th century poetry while everyone downs ice cream sundaes before the big showdown
• The ending makes absolutely no sense, but hey, at least we learned that even women used to duel (Lady Braddock once fought with pistols AND swords because someone insulted her age!)

Is it worth 3.5 dumpsters? Maybe not, but we'll never look at Chili's the same way again.

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Join us for Episode 69 (nice!) of Dumpsterpiece Theater as we dive into "Surprised by Oxford," a pretentious journey through the hallowed halls of academia. Based on a true story, this faith-finding romantic drama follows Rose Reid as she perfects the art of pushing everyone away while simultaneously stalking her Christian crush.

Key Moments:

Is it better or worse than "Finding You"? Let's just say Rose Reid was significantly more likable when she wasn't trying to philosophize her way through relationships.

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Surprised by Joy Analysis