**This Episode contains descriptions of a graphic nature, including the death of a child. Listener discretion is advised**

With the funeral behind them and the trial not yet underway, Denise and Ralph began to cope with James’s loss in different ways. While Denise went inside herself and closed off to the world, Ralph sought comfort at the bottom of a bottle. They spent less and less time together. What had held them together was James; without him, they were islands - completely consumed by their grief and unable to find a way back to each other. And yet, one month after James’s murder and just days after what would have been his third birthday, a light appeared amidst the darkness. Denise found out she was pregnant.

Denise recalls that finding out she was pregnant literally saved her life. Without the burgeoning life growing within her she had no hope, no direction and nothing to live for. That is not to say her pregnancy was plain sailing or filled with joy. Remember this is a mother who had lost one child to stillbirth and another to murder. When she gave birth to this child, all going well, she would be a mother of three with only one child in her arms. Imagine the conflict of feeling both joy at the kick of your unborn child and guilt for experiencing happiness when your other child has been taken from you so brutally.

Guilt had become a constant companion to Denise. Just one moment she had taken her eyes off James and her hand out of his. Just moments stood between him walking out of the butchery and her racing outside to find him.

The deep mental and emotional fears about losing another child would be more than most of us could handle. But for Denise and Ralph, they also had the upcoming trial to contend with. 

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