So I may have to do an update episode because this episode didn’t really explain much in regards to how I’m going to be doing things in the coming year. Besides that, I’d like to offer my sincerest apologies. I’ll be more consistent in the new year. And considerate. I really do tend to think that I have a very radical way of thinking. I may also be a fatalist. A coincidental finding I stumbled upon on my journey of self discovery. Like I said in the episode, we all have our demons to contend with. I am no different. I look forward to the new year with you all. Blessings and good vibes.

Sometimes perfection is sitting watching us in our faces. We don’t see it because we judge ourselves the harshest. Some of us anyways. We hold out with the hopes of making it better not realizing that we’ve gotten whatever it is to it’s best. It happens. We look at these things as a reflection of us and we want to show our best selves. You best self is when you’re true to yourself. Once you’ve done that, you shouldn’t be worried about what you’ve produced so much. Just put it out. Let people see you for who you are.

Sometimes you got to check up on yourself. I often tend to turn down help from others. Usually because when I’m going through something I’m looking for some type of understanding of what I’m going through. You can’t have that conversation with any and everyone. Some people just don’t know how to help you. That doesn’t translate well sometimes. The “it’s going to be ok” isn’t enough sometimes. I absolutely appreciate the gesture though so I like to leave at that. So self check are important to me. Active communication with myself is necessary for me to keep myself stable. Maybe I should get an actual diary. I’d be freer with my thoughts there.

Firstly, let me apologize for the little sniffles here and there. If I sleep with the fan on me I tend to wake up stuffy. So please forgive it. But yeah. Too often we hold ourselves back from significant growth because we are afraid to do. We procrastinate when we should be engaging. Not everyone has to have my bravery of putting things out but you should at least start doing. This helps you get comfortable being a creator. Maybe hearing your own voice weirds you out a bit. Record and listen back yourself more. You’ll quickly get use to it. Maybe you feel silly dancing in front of the camera. Don’t worry. This is all parts of the process. Get these little steps out the way. So when that idea hits, and sometimes it comes faster when you’re actually doing the work already, you’re comfortable to execute as needed. And hear me out here. Each part of the process demands from you energy to get started. So be active and progressive about what you want to do. You created the platform, get started creating and refining your content. You’ve created content, get started putting it out. You’ve put out content, get started sharing it.

We are most certainly not properly educated as to the power we hold in our hands at any given time or situation. Often we react out of desperation because we feel like we don’t have power. Like we don’t have options. Like we can only accept what’s happening to us as holy writ. This isn’t true. Please watch Revolver. Because I need you to understand that that voice in your head, telling you that you are at the mercy of fate, is your true enemy and they’ve hidden the truth from you. You do have power. You just need to find it in your current situation and decide how best to use it. Whether it be “the power of friendship”. The power of social media. The power of your voice, experience, skill, knowledge, the list goes on. You have power to change your surroundings for the better. Also for the worst. It all depends on how you decide to wield your power. Sitting around and feeling sorry for yourself is definitely not going to cut it. You are capable and destined for way more.

Firstly, my thoughts, prayers and deepest condolences goes out to the families of the individuals that lost their lives at the Astro World Festival. I believe that this could have been prevented. I wouldn’t feel right not speaking about this. This is something that’ll stick with me throughout my career as an artist. I always look at the music I make and the impact it can possibly have and it’s always a prayer that it would be for the good of all. This is why on all my artwork for my music I place the words “by God’s grace”. If I’m not doing good or promoting goodness through my actions and interactions I would be living a selfish life. I look at that as my responsibility. My aim is to grow in influence and notoriety not solely so that I can live a comfortable life but to show others that they can too. Specifically the youth of my home islands of Trinidad and Tobago. I feel responsible for creating a way forward for those who have artistic talent but see no way forward. That whole event to me should have been prepared better. I truly do sympathize with everyone involved though. Even Travis Scott but I think if more concern was given to the gravity of the responsibility of an event of this magnitude happening during these times, more would have been done to safeguard everyone. Live not only for yourself. Sigh. All aren’t welcomed in the Valley but those that are, I believe, would embody that statement.

It’s crazy the amount of audacity and entitlement you need to have to feel like someone has to share their struggles with you. I actually have great friends that have never made me feel bad about withholding certain things from them. They understand that it’s not about them but about me and my readiness to share. I mean I also have requirements for opening up to someone but I believe that that’s normal. Some people enjoy being confidants and I get that but someone trusting you with their secrets demands some reverence and respect. Respect other boundaries. And know that caring requires a lot more than just an ask.

Depression tends to get the better of us. It’s almost like a spell bewitching your senses. Lulling you into submission. And it’s crazy how your mind tells you outright lies. These past two weeks I’ve been questioning where these thoughts came from because I couldn’t believe they were from me. I know I have people in my life that care about me. Why would I lie to myself like that? Must be the enemy. So I had to keep reminding myself that that’s not my reality. I am thankful though for everyone that was there for me. Makes me think of Adam. Hmmmm..

I’m ok. I feel like I needed to start with that. I’m struggling. Clearly. But I’m ok. I can manage, you know. It’s just crazy how much has happened within one year. And it’s all significant to me. The crazy part is I’m only highlighting the deaths but the manipulations, the friendships lost. The freedoms and liberties that’s been rubbed from us. Everything adds up to one hell of a shit sandwich. If I was to complain about it all these podcast episodes would be hours long. It’s a difficult time for us all because I know I’m not the only one struggling, but you know what? We have to keep moving forward. For me I’m doing this for my dad. When I go, the tank should be empty.

It’s not always easy to be open but everyone needs someone that they can be open with. A lot of individuals in this generation has trust issues. Hopefully me being open with you helps you be open with others. But yeah. Two weeks hiatus and I shall be back. Need to get out from under the thumb of this school and the burden of assignments. Later would be greater you know. Definitely not the end. Need to deal with some personal things as well. The anniversary of my dad’s passing is coming up so I don’t know how I’m dealing with that. Also need to go see my therapist as well. Need to do that personal work you know. Hope you guys are blessed.