East Reads West Literature Podcast

A wonderful story about the passion for medicine and empathy for the patient. And a family story of two generations of doctors in Ethopia.

"Clean language" is a non-judgmental questioning technique designed to help patients tap into unconscious knowledge.

Having a schizophrenic brother is hard for his twin Dominik. As long as he can think, he feels responsible for Thomas. He fears that the illness could break out in him, too. And he has feelings of anger and guilt because he longs for a completely "normal" life.

The twins Dominik and Thomas grow up with their mother and stepfather in Connecticut. Thomas, the narrator's schizophrenic brother, attracts attention at the beginning of the story with a drastic act: in protest against America's entry into the Gulf War, he cuts off one of his hands in the local public library. Domenik, who has felt responsible for his brother for as long as he can remember, is on the edge of his strength. For more than six months he fights to get his schizophrenic brother out of the forensic psychiatrie. There he meets Dr. Patel, an Indian psychiatrist.

For Nils, Dr. Patel is the model of a good therapist. She accompanies her patients with equanimity, humor and wisdom. She quickly understands that not only her schizophrenic patient Thomas "got lost in the woods", but also his brother. In flashback, the reader learns the family's history. There is the Italian grandfather who has worked his way up in America. Dominik's and Thomas' relationship with his mother and stepfather comes up. The mystery of the unknown father. And Dominik's failed marriage.

Wally Lamb convincingly tells the story of Dominik's anger and despair. Of his feelings of guilt and overwhelming responsibility. Of his desire to be strong, which cuts him off from feeling grief and loss. It is a story full of strong emotions. With all the ups and downs of real life. And a story of healing. Of becoming whole. Because in the end Dominik, like the hero in the fairy tale, finds his true identity.

About Wally Lamb

Wally Lamb is an author who write about difficult subjects with great humanity and warmth. He helps women in prison to come to terms with their history through writing. His book has recently been turned into a mowie. More on the cast of "I know this much is True" in the CNN-interview: The Truth within the story.

An important discovery: Patients often make first changes before their first therapy session. In "Change Your Life", Michelle Weiner-Davis explains how we can support this departure in a sustainable way. Her solution focussed brief therapy (sfbt) is inspired by psychiatrist Milton Erickson. He applied hypnotherapy in brief therapy. His case histories invite readers to be creative.

Weiner-Davis book is very practical. In order to help her patients solve problems she uses a variety of questions: What have you noticed about your situation? If something has changed: Is this the kind of change you would like to continue to have happen? Notice what works and do more of it. When the same problem keeps coming up over and over in your life: Go beyond more of the same and do something different. Or - most important for therapists with a tendency to be a "hyperactive problem-solver": Do nothing. Execpt for taking a deep breath.

Trance in brief therapy

Milton Erickson, born in 1901, became best known for his work on hypnosis. Unlike Freud, he developed an individualized approach for every patient. For him "trance" is a state that everyone has experienced: daydreaming, meditating, or jogging (meditation in motion). These are situations in which one is aware of the vividness of inner mental and sensory experiences. The trance is intended to enable the patient to mobilize unconscious self-healing powers and to use creative resources. And Erickson assists them in breaking out of their mental patterns and crossing boundaries.

Both authors rely on the fact that the patient knows the way out of the crisis. Brief therapy with or without hypnosis gives them the bit of skilful support needed. They work in a solution-oriented way and do not waste much time looking for the causes of problems in childhood. In our podcast we appreciate this approach but we also recommend Tara Brach's "Radical Compassion" in order to deal with painful memories from the past.

Links:

Michelle Weiner-Davis became known for her sequel Divorce busting.

Tom Butler-Bowdon on Milton Erickson in Psychology Classics.

Finding out that your partner has an affair, is experiencing "death by a thousand stabs". This is why Esther Perel takes time to discuss the crisis and the consequences of the betrayal. The feelings of revenge and self-reproach. And the question of whether it is better to confess an affair or to keep it to yourself.

Michael Nasts „Generation beziehungsunfähig“ war einer der erfolgreichsten deutschen Online-Texte des Jahres 2015 und wurde in der ersten Woche von über einer Million Menschen gelesen. Mit seinen gleichnamigen Bestseller löste er eine landesweite Kontroverse über die vermeintliche Liebesunfähigkeit der Generationen Y aus. Wir kontrastieren diesen Bericht mit John Gottmans "Die sieben Geheimnisse einer glücklichen Ehe". Der amerikanische Professor für Psychologie behauptet, dass er schon nach 5 Minuten, die er einem Ehestreit zuhört, voraussagen kann, ob die Beziehung halten wird.

Der Kolumnist Nast bezeichnet sich selbst als „Beobachter und Erzähler“. Er versteht sein Buch nicht als Ratgeber. Viele Leser schrieben ihm aber, er hätte ein vages Gefühl, das sie beschlich, in Worte gefasst. Als Therapeut:innen lernen wir etwas über Lebensgefühl der 1975er Generation, die offenbar auch mit 40 Jahren noch stark mit sich selbst beschäftigt ist und dadurch beziehungsunfähig. Nast kritisiert zwar den Narzissmus und die Selbstinzinierung, die innere Leere und die Unfähigkeit, sich mit sich selbst zu beschäftigen. Aber ganz oft schiebt er die Verantwortung dafür auf „das System“. So schreibt er

„Egoismus, kompromisslose Selbstverwirklichung, das Denken in Idealzuständen, also das Streben nach Perfektion, die Unverbindlichkeit in Freundschaften und Beziehungen – das sind alles Anforderungen, die das System sich wünschen würde, damit wir bestmöglich funktionnieren.“ (S. 236)

Als Kinder der geburtenstarken 1960er Generation wundern wir uns. Warum fällt es der Generation Y und auch unseren Kindern der 1990er Jahre zunehmend schwerer, Verantwortung zu übernehmen? Ist sie wirklich so beziehungsunfähig wie Nast sie beschreibt? Und welchen Anteil haben wir daran als Eltern?

Verantwortungsvoll statt beziehungsunfähig

Kritik, Verachtung, Rechtfertigung und Mauern – das sind die "vier apokalytischen Reiter", die laut John Gottman anzeigen, dass eine Ehe oder Beziehung in Gefahr ist. Das hat der Psychologe in mehr als 16 Jahren mit seinem "Ehelabor" beobachtet. Paare verbringen ein Wochenende in einem als Wohnung eingerichteten Labor. Sie werden gefilmt, während sie sich streiten. Tauchen die apokalyptischen Reiter auf? Werden „Rettungsversuche“ unternommen? Bemerkt der andere Partner den Versuch zur Deeskalation? Wie hoch ist der Stress-Level (Herzfrequenz, Cortisol-Spiegel) bei Männern im Vergleich zu Frauen?

Was sind die Geheimnisse einer glücklichen Ehe? Gottman räumt mit der weit verbreiteten Vorstellung auf, dass verbesserte Kommunikation allein eine Ehe rettet. Sie ist zwar ein wichtiger Bestandteil, aber Gottman hat noch weitaus mehr zu bieten: Die "Partnerlandkarte" auf den neusten Stand bringen. Sich zuwenden und füreinander interessieren. Zuneigung zeigen. Lösbare Probleme lösen und mit unlösbaren Frieden schließen. Gemeinsame Werte und gemeinsamer Sinn.

Das Buch enthält viele Tests in Form von Fragen, an deren Beantwortung man ablesen kann, wie es im bestimmten Bereichen um die eigene Ehe oder Beziehung steht. Darauf folgen praktische Übungen. Es geht etwa um Erfahrungen in der Herkunftsfamilie und wie sie uns gegenwärtig prägen. Oder um Rollenverständnis, Rituale und Werte. Die „magischen fünf Stunden“, die Paare einander wöchentlich widmen sollten, um ihre Beziehung zu pflegen, vereinen alle 7 Geheimnisse. Zusätzlich gibt er Paaren ein Frühwarnsystem mit, den „Ehe-Stinkbomben-Detektor“. Das Buch ist ein wunderbarer praktischer Leitfaden für Therapeut:innen und Paare, die ihre Beziehung dauerhaft verbessern möchten.

https://eastreadswest.de/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/RS_HardyPodCast_Nast-Gottman_01.mp3

Links

Podcast Stahl aber herzlich,

How can we heal old wounds? Free ourselves from the inner critic who constantly nags at us? Overcome the feeling of being unworthy or unlovable? For Tara Brach and Christ Germer, the answer is self-compassion - something that many people in a performance-oriented and self-optimizing society have forgotten or never even heard about.

American meditation teacher and psychologist Tara Brach has developed an exercise based on mindfulness and self-compassion. In her book "Radical Compassion“ she describes the four steps of the RAIN technique. It helps you to recognise unpleasant feelings, allow them to be there, investigate what the most vulnerable part in you needs and nourishing it. If you feel you need help from a spiritual teacher, a deity, a benefactor or even your pet, you can also bring that in.

Self-care in everyday life

We often recommend this book to our patients because it shows them how to take good care of themselves. It teaches them to become more and more sensitive to unpleasant fellings and helps them, when they are feeling stuck. On an everyday basis they can practise not to run away from anxiety, fear, anger and grief, but to allow them fully to be there. And then to investigate what that wpunded part needs to heal.Psychologist Chris Germer takes a similar approach, drawing on the Buddhist practice of "metta meditation" (loving kindness). Here, too, mindfulness of one's own and others' emotions is the first step toward healing. The method helps to develop self-compassion and explains, why it is not egoistic to attend to your own feelings. Starting from this, it becomes easier to heal relationships with close people. Later, "neutral" and „difficult“ people are also included.Chris Germer belongs to the circle of scientists around brain researcher Richard Davidson. The latter studies the effect of meditation practices on the brain and the psyche. Germer's book approaches the subject of self-compassion from a more scientific point of view. He includes study results in information boxes. The book is lightened up with cartoons.

Links:

Guided meditations by Chris Germer (englisch): https://chrisgermer.com/meditations/

Guided RAIN-meditations by Tara Brach (englisch): https://www.tarabrach.com/rain/

Desiderata is a declaration of love for life. A compass that keeps us on course. Also and especially over a long professional life as therapists.

If we want to help people to be healthy in this broad sense, we cannot count only on the Classis of Chinese literature. They were written about 2000 years ago for people living in a different culture.