Roger's Relationship Thoughts
I must be honest with everyone. Out of all the couples that I meet within 5 to 10 minutes, I can quickly tell a few things.
1st. Most couples get together for 1 or 2 reasons. That is good for a play buddy. Not near enough to seriously date someone, let alone trust and be with them as a couple.
2nd. Most people think they know what they want. To some level, they do. But often, it changes quickly.
3rd. People lie to themselves almost constantly. They often wish things the way they are not.
I have done very well in my relationships. I have been happy and so have my lovers too. I seldom have the standard difficulties couples have, like excessively arguing.
My first ex-lover and I are still great friends. One day he was bitching about his new lover, and flat-out asked me why when we were together did we get along so well as a couple? He admitted he could not seem to get a new partner to work out.
I hesitated to tell him the real reasons. Most people do not accept the truth.
I thought about how am I going to say the reason is people are stupid and never take time to think. Always grab and jump in with no thought of the reality of their actions.
The most common behavior I have seen is people get caught up with the feelings before the really know the other person.
I formulated the things you need to consider to improve chances of developing a real and successful relationship.
Some questions to ask yourself:
What is my preferred relationship structure? What is my relationship orientation?
What level of commitment, time, and energy can I bring into this dynamic?
What are my current priorities?
Do my goals and dreams involve another person or other people? To what extent or degree am I willing to work toward that right now?
Here are some prompts that may help you figure out your negotiables and nonnegotiables:
Close your eyes and visualize where you see your life in 5 years. What do you see?
Make a list of your firm values
If you could abracadabra your dream partner(s) into being, what would they be like?
No two people are exactly alike. So even if you have a specific ‘type,’ you can still be intentional about seeking a variety of different characteristics in people with those similar core features
Are you dealing with general dating anxiety? Or is your anxiety caused by feeling unsafe about dating right now?
If it’s the latter, remember that it’s okay to wait until you feel comfortable.
What is my preferred relationship structure? What is my relationship orientation?
What level of commitment, time, and energy can I bring into this dynamic?
What are my current priorities?
Do my goals and dreams involve another person or other people? To what extent or degree am I willing to work toward that right now?
Here are some prompts that may help you figure out your negotiables and nonnegotiables:
Close your eyes and visualize where you see your life in 5 years. What do you see?
What Is A Healthy Relationship?
Every relationship is unique, and people come together for many different reasons. However, there are also some characteristics that most healthy relationships have in common, such as mutual respect, trust, and honesty. In a robust and healthy relationship, you also:
Maintain a meaningful emotional connection with each other. You each make the different feel loved and emotionally fulfilled.
Are able respectfully to disagree. It would help if you felt safe to express things that bother you without fear of retaliation and resolve conflict without humiliation, degradation, or insisting on being right.
Keep outside relationships and interests alive. To stimulate and enrich your romantic relationship, it’s essential to sustain your identity outside the relationship, preserve connections with family and friends, and maintain your hobbies and interests.
Communicate openly and honestly. Good communication is a vital part of any relationship
