In this episode, we explore a common yet frustrating challenge: why do we struggle so much when others simply don’t agree with us? Drawing on a real-world coaching conversation, I examine the pivotal shift from trying to prove your point of view to seeking to improve your understanding. We delve into the psychological mechanics of this tension, using Daniel Kahneman’s System 1 and System 2 thinking to explain why we must slow down to move past emotional, defensive reactions. By looking at Julia Galef’s "Soldier and Scout" mindsets and Chris Argyris’s concept of Double-Loop Learning, we uncover how our internal worldviews and expectations often keep us working hard without making real progress. Tune in to learn how to "flip the focus" toward curiosity, update your internal map, and discover whether your values are currently helping or hindering your ability to navigate difficult conversations.

If you would like to explore your own values and could use some help head over to effectivechallenge.com for a free download.