Tired of misunderstandings? Chip shares how to move past hurt feelings and start having genuine heart-to-heart conversations with your spouse today.

How to effectively communicate:

I. The command – Put on the proper attire -Colossians 3:12

1. COMPASSION – Empathy to action vs. cynical -Matthew 9:36
2. KINDNESS – Whatever is helpful, beneficial vs. critical -Jeremiah 9:23-24, John 4
3. HUMILITY – Their needs first, posture of a servant -Philippians 2:5-11
4. GENTLENESS – Strength under control, your emotions -Matthew 11:28-30
5. PATIENCE – Endure with a good attitude -2 Peter 3:8-9

II. Why the “clothing” metaphor is crucial to biblical communication

1. “Old clothes” must be taken off. -Colossians 3:8-9
2. The new self requires “new clothes”. -Colossians 3:10-11

The Principle: Who we are determines how we “dress” (communicate from the heart)

III. The problem:

• We have settled for techniques and self-help tools to change how we speak, and to modify our emotions and behaviors to improve compatibility; rather than focusing on the deep-rooted transformation of our hearts which empowers us to give the life-giving love of Christ to our mates.

IV. The solution is threefold:

1. Don’t buy the old lies*

• I am what I have: Possessions
• I am what I accomplish: Performance
• I am what others think of me: Popularity

2. Dress appropriately for your mate

1. A – AFFIRMATION
2. W – WARMTH
3. E – ENCOURAGEMENT

3. Have at least 2 “couples conferences” per week**

1. What are you concerned about?
2. What do you wish?
3. What are you willing to do?

*Discover Your True Self book and Affirmation Cards by Chip Ingram and Theresa Ingram.

**Marriage that Works by Chip Ingram.

Broadcast Resource

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• Message Notes

Additional Resource Mentions

• I Choose Love Book
• "The Five Love Languages" Book by Gary Chapman

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