Ego vs. EQ & You

You can teach someone the technical skills—but can you teach them how to handle feedback, manage emotions, navigate difficult situations, and work well with others?

In Episode 40, Jen and Steve take a closer look at interviewing for emotional intelligence and why traditional interview questions may not reveal what you really need to know about a candidate.

They share a fascinating example of a candidate who demonstrated integrity by uncovering misconduct at work, explain why behavior-based questions are more revealing than hypothetical “What would you do?” questions, and reveal a powerful interviewing technique called “contrary evidence” that can help you get beyond a candidate’s polished answers.

You’ll also hear real interview questions you can use to uncover qualities like independence, adaptability, integrity, problem-solving, openness to feedback, and emotional maturity.

If you hire people—or want to become a better interviewer—this episode will make you rethink the questions you’re asking.

Because the best interview may not be the one that confirms what you already think about a candidate. It may be the one that reveals what you haven’t seen yet.

Where do you draw the line between driving performance and pulling strings? In this episode of the Verses series, host Jen Shirkani and co-host Steve Friedlein dive into the fine—and often blurred—line between motivation and manipulation in the workplace and beyond. Together, they explore who really benefits from behavioral changes, why manipulation gets a bad rap (and when it slips into control dramas or "crying as leverage"), and how leaders can build sustainable intrinsic motivation within their teams. Plus, Jen opens up about her personal pandemic-era burnout, sharing how taking a left-turn side hustle reignited her drive when traditional incentives fell short.

Key Takeaways:

The Benefit Test: How to determine if a strategy is mutually beneficial or one-sided coercion.

Control Dramas in Action: Recognizing hidden manipulative tactics like martyr syndrome, extreme criticism, and emotional displays.

Rebooting Lost Drive: Practical ways to build self-awareness, leverage flexibility, and find extrinsic or intrinsic energy when work hits a rut.

#Leadership #EmotionalIntelligence #WorkplaceCulture #Motivation #Podcast #EQ #Management #TeamEngagement #LeadershipDevelopment #WorkplaceDynamics #manipulation

The Competency Dilemma: When Being Good at Everything Becomes the Problem

Are you the person everyone goes to because you always get things done? Be careful—that strength can quickly become a trap.

In this episode of Ego vs EQ & You, Jen and Steve tackle the Competency Dilemma: what happens when being capable, dependable, and willing to help leads to an ever-growing list of responsibilities. What starts as “Sure, I can help” can turn into task creep, burnout, blurred boundaries, and the uncomfortable realization that your effectiveness is being compromised by doing too much.

The conversation explores why high performers struggle to say no, how ego and the need to be helpful can keep us holding onto responsibilities, and why “nobody can do it better than me” may be an EQ warning sign. They also discuss delegation, trust, self-discipline, work-from-home boundaries, and the importance of advocating for your own bandwidth.

Most importantly, you'll learn how to recognize the Competency Dilemma before it leads to burnout or damages your credibility—and how to start setting boundaries, delegating, and letting go.

Because sometimes the most emotionally intelligent thing you can say isn't “I can do it.”

It's “I can't take that on right now.”

And yes… that might be harder than it sounds.

#emotionalintelligence #EQ #overworked #competent #boundaries #burnedout #stress #workplace #selfadvocacy #selfimprovement 

When does honest feedback become criticism? And does it really matter if your intent is good?

Jen Shirkani and Steve Friedlein tackle the sometimes uncomfortable line between feedback and criticism. They explore why timing, tone, trust, specificity, empathy, and assertiveness can determine whether your message actually helps someone—or simply leaves them feeling defensive.

They also challenge both sides of the conversation: If you're giving feedback, are you delivering it with the other person's improvement in mind? And if you're receiving it, are you willing to hear something that might sting?

Because “I’m just telling it like it is” isn't always an EQ strategy. Sometimes the right message, delivered the wrong way—or at the wrong time—is the wrong conversation.

A candid, funny conversation about saying what needs to be said without making people wish you hadn't said it.

#EmotionalIntelligence
#EQ
#Feedback
#ConstructiveFeedback
#Leadership
#LeadershipDevelopment
#CommunicationSkills
#DifficultConversations
#WorkplaceCommunication
#SelfAwareness
#Empathy
#Assertiveness
#IntentVsImpact
#WorkplaceCulture
#EmployeeDevelopment
#LeadershipSkills
#ExecutiveLeadership
#Coaching
#EQatWork
#EgoVsEQ

Is it better to stick your neck out or stick to the rules? In this episode, hosts Jen Shirkani and Steve Friedlein continue their signature Versus series with a deep dive into two opposing mindsets: Courage vs. Compliance.

Jen and Steve break down the hidden risks and surprising benefits of both approaches. While courage sparks innovation and asserts needed boundaries, overusing it can come across as disruptive, ego-driven, or aggressive. On the flip side, while compliance offers reliability and process stability, leaning too heavily into it can lead to complacency, hidden stress, and explosive confrontation down the road.

In this episode, you’ll discover:

The Risk of Overusing Your Strengths: How too much courage can feel confrontational and too much compliance can destroy authenticity.

The EQ Connection: Why high emotional intelligence is essential to remaining diplomatic when speaking up and staying process-minded without sacrificing relationships.

Leveraging Opposite Styles: How partnering with someone who holds the opposite preference can keep you balanced, anchored, and effective.

Actionable Self-Awareness: Practical ways to recognize your natural tendency and situationally adapt—stepping up when you need to be courageous, or pulling back when it’s time to listen.

Email your comments, suggestions or questions to [email protected].

You’re not imagining things. In this episode of Ego versus EQ and You, hosts Jen Shirkani, Steve Friedlein, and Angela Bearor dive deep into Season 3 with a burning question: How do we find the "real human" in an era dominated by AI-generated candidates?

With roughly 60% of job seekers now using tools like ChatGPT to polish resumes and game the system, traditional hiring methods are officially broken. But don't panic—the ultimate defense against artificial intelligence is something uniquely human: Emotional Intelligence (EQ).

What You’ll Learn in This Episode:

The AI Mirror Effect: Why hiring managers are suddenly seeing identical resumes, and how to spot "AI masquerading" before you book the interview.

The Limits of the Machine: Which critical hiring skills AI will never truly be able to replicate (and why rapport and leadership are still human-first).

Next-Level Interviewing Tactics: How to use advanced, behavior-based questions that AI simply cannot prep a candidate to answer.

The Extreme Reference Check: Why one company put a character reference in the "hot seat" with a surprise video call, and why it actually worked.

Hiring for EQ vs. IQ: Why it's easy to teach someone Excel, but why hiring for self-awareness, flexibility, and stress tolerance is the ultimate business cheat code.

"I can train a technical skill, but it is much more involved to develop EQ in somebody after I've hired them. If I can hire them with EQ, that's money ahead right there." — Jen Shirkani

Ready to upgrade your recruiting game and outsmart the algorithms? Tune in to learn how to peel back the digital layers and find the authentic talent your team actually needs.

In this episode, hosts Jen Shirkani and Steve Friedlein dive into the multi-layered concept of being "conflicted"—both about whether a conflict exists and whether it is worth engaging in. Shifting the narrative that conflict is inherently negative, they discuss how healthy discord is a vital prerequisite for high-performing teams and innovative solutions.

Key topics discussed include:

• The Necessity of the "Storm": Exploring the classic Forming, Storming, Norming, Performing model to highlight why skipping discomfort leads to the ego trap of surrounding yourself with echo chambers.

• The Relationship vs. Outcome Framework: A life-changing conflict model that evaluates the importance of the relationship against the value of the outcome, heightened by the element of urgency.

• A Real-World Partnership Cautionary Tale: A personal story illustrating a sharp mismatch in conflict alignment, where one party prioritized the outcome over the relationship, leading to an immediate but necessary resolution to part ways.

• The 6 vs. 9 Perspective: A lesson in objectivity using the classic cartoon analogy—how two people can be looking at the exact same situation, both be entirely right from their vantage point, and yet remain stuck in an ego-driven stalemate if they refuse to switch sides.

• The Emotionally Intelligent Resolution: Defining ultimate resolution not as a mandatory 100% agreement, but as an emotionally intelligent compromise where both parties feel heard and can genuinely say, "I can live with that." 

If you have questions or show suggestions please email us at [email protected]. 

In this episode of the Versus Series, Jen Shirkani and Steve Friedlein explore the balance between talking versus listening and why emotional intelligence is key to knowing when to do each. Through stories from sales coaching, meetings, interviews, and everyday relationships, they discuss how some people dominate conversations while others stay too silent—both of which can create misunderstandings and missed opportunities. They highlight how stress can cause people to either talk excessively or shut down, and how others often interpret silence or over-talking in ways we don’t intend. The conversation emphasizes that effective communication isn’t about being naturally talkative or quiet—it’s about reading the room, adapting to the situation, and finding the right balance between speaking up and tuning in.#communication #talking #listening #self-improvement #socialawareness #emotionalintelligence #EQ #leadership 

Can you truly lead if you don't know how to follow? In this installment of our "Versus" series, Jen is joined by Steve Friedlein to deconstruct the symbiotic relationship between leadership and followership. From the "C-Suite Generalist" to the "Coach vs. Player" analogy, they explore why the best leaders are often the ones willing to step back and let their team take the wheel.

In this episode, we discuss:

• Why "independence" can sometimes be a leadership trap.

• The Conductor Analogy: Leading without playing the instrument.

• How to transition from a technical expert to a leadership generalist.

• Why introverted leaders often have a hidden advantage.

• The "Boss Baby" dynamic: Leadership in our personal lives.

#followership #leadership #interdependence #successionplanning #businessgrowth #professionalgrowth #careeradvice #leadershipmindset #leadershiptips

In this episode, Jen is joined by Steve Friedlein to explore the challenge of “daring to trust.” Trust can be fragile, and rebuilding it—whether we were the cause of the breakdown or someone else was—often requires courage and self-reflection. Rather than focusing on what others should do differently, the conversation emphasizes taking responsibility for our own behaviors that build or erode trust.

Drawing on insights from The Speed of Trust, Jen and Steve discuss how trust is built on two key pillars: character and competence. It’s not enough to have good intentions—people must also demonstrate reliability and capability over time. They also examine common “trust traps” like gossip, assumptions, avoidance, and bypassing others in communication, all of which can quietly undermine relationships.

The episode highlights how trust is rebuilt through small, everyday interactions—micro moments of honesty, feedback, and follow-through. While trust can break quickly, restoring it requires patience, consistency, and the willingness to have difficult conversations.

Whether at work or at home, rebuilding trust often begins with a simple but courageous step: daring to start the conversation.

#trust #podcast #leadership #conflict #ego #EQ #emotionalintelligence