Is it better to stick your neck out or stick to the rules? In this episode, hosts Jen Shirkani and Steve Friedlein continue their signature Versus series with a deep dive into two opposing mindsets: Courage vs. Compliance.

Jen and Steve break down the hidden risks and surprising benefits of both approaches. While courage sparks innovation and asserts needed boundaries, overusing it can come across as disruptive, ego-driven, or aggressive. On the flip side, while compliance offers reliability and process stability, leaning too heavily into it can lead to complacency, hidden stress, and explosive confrontation down the road.

In this episode, you’ll discover:

The Risk of Overusing Your Strengths: How too much courage can feel confrontational and too much compliance can destroy authenticity.

The EQ Connection: Why high emotional intelligence is essential to remaining diplomatic when speaking up and staying process-minded without sacrificing relationships.

Leveraging Opposite Styles: How partnering with someone who holds the opposite preference can keep you balanced, anchored, and effective.

Actionable Self-Awareness: Practical ways to recognize your natural tendency and situationally adapt—stepping up when you need to be courageous, or pulling back when it’s time to listen.

Email your comments, suggestions or questions to [email protected].

You’re not imagining things. In this episode of Ego versus EQ and You, hosts Jen Shirkani, Steve Friedlein, and Angela Bearor dive deep into Season 3 with a burning question: How do we find the "real human" in an era dominated by AI-generated candidates?

With roughly 60% of job seekers now using tools like ChatGPT to polish resumes and game the system, traditional hiring methods are officially broken. But don't panic—the ultimate defense against artificial intelligence is something uniquely human: Emotional Intelligence (EQ).

What You’ll Learn in This Episode:

The AI Mirror Effect: Why hiring managers are suddenly seeing identical resumes, and how to spot "AI masquerading" before you book the interview.

The Limits of the Machine: Which critical hiring skills AI will never truly be able to replicate (and why rapport and leadership are still human-first).

Next-Level Interviewing Tactics: How to use advanced, behavior-based questions that AI simply cannot prep a candidate to answer.

The Extreme Reference Check: Why one company put a character reference in the "hot seat" with a surprise video call, and why it actually worked.

Hiring for EQ vs. IQ: Why it's easy to teach someone Excel, but why hiring for self-awareness, flexibility, and stress tolerance is the ultimate business cheat code.

"I can train a technical skill, but it is much more involved to develop EQ in somebody after I've hired them. If I can hire them with EQ, that's money ahead right there." — Jen Shirkani

Ready to upgrade your recruiting game and outsmart the algorithms? Tune in to learn how to peel back the digital layers and find the authentic talent your team actually needs.

In this episode, hosts Jen Shirkani and Steve Friedlein dive into the multi-layered concept of being "conflicted"—both about whether a conflict exists and whether it is worth engaging in. Shifting the narrative that conflict is inherently negative, they discuss how healthy discord is a vital prerequisite for high-performing teams and innovative solutions.

Key topics discussed include:

• The Necessity of the "Storm": Exploring the classic Forming, Storming, Norming, Performing model to highlight why skipping discomfort leads to the ego trap of surrounding yourself with echo chambers.

• The Relationship vs. Outcome Framework: A life-changing conflict model that evaluates the importance of the relationship against the value of the outcome, heightened by the element of urgency.

• A Real-World Partnership Cautionary Tale: A personal story illustrating a sharp mismatch in conflict alignment, where one party prioritized the outcome over the relationship, leading to an immediate but necessary resolution to part ways.

• The 6 vs. 9 Perspective: A lesson in objectivity using the classic cartoon analogy—how two people can be looking at the exact same situation, both be entirely right from their vantage point, and yet remain stuck in an ego-driven stalemate if they refuse to switch sides.

• The Emotionally Intelligent Resolution: Defining ultimate resolution not as a mandatory 100% agreement, but as an emotionally intelligent compromise where both parties feel heard and can genuinely say, "I can live with that." 

If you have questions or show suggestions please email us at [email protected]. 

In this episode of the Versus Series, Jen Shirkani and Steve Friedlein explore the balance between talking versus listening and why emotional intelligence is key to knowing when to do each. Through stories from sales coaching, meetings, interviews, and everyday relationships, they discuss how some people dominate conversations while others stay too silent—both of which can create misunderstandings and missed opportunities. They highlight how stress can cause people to either talk excessively or shut down, and how others often interpret silence or over-talking in ways we don’t intend. The conversation emphasizes that effective communication isn’t about being naturally talkative or quiet—it’s about reading the room, adapting to the situation, and finding the right balance between speaking up and tuning in.#communication #talking #listening #self-improvement #socialawareness #emotionalintelligence #EQ #leadership 

Can you truly lead if you don't know how to follow? In this installment of our "Versus" series, Jen is joined by Steve Friedlein to deconstruct the symbiotic relationship between leadership and followership. From the "C-Suite Generalist" to the "Coach vs. Player" analogy, they explore why the best leaders are often the ones willing to step back and let their team take the wheel.

In this episode, we discuss:

• Why "independence" can sometimes be a leadership trap.

• The Conductor Analogy: Leading without playing the instrument.

• How to transition from a technical expert to a leadership generalist.

• Why introverted leaders often have a hidden advantage.

• The "Boss Baby" dynamic: Leadership in our personal lives.

#followership #leadership #interdependence #successionplanning #businessgrowth #professionalgrowth #careeradvice #leadershipmindset #leadershiptips

In this episode, Jen is joined by Steve Friedlein to explore the challenge of “daring to trust.” Trust can be fragile, and rebuilding it—whether we were the cause of the breakdown or someone else was—often requires courage and self-reflection. Rather than focusing on what others should do differently, the conversation emphasizes taking responsibility for our own behaviors that build or erode trust.

Drawing on insights from The Speed of Trust, Jen and Steve discuss how trust is built on two key pillars: character and competence. It’s not enough to have good intentions—people must also demonstrate reliability and capability over time. They also examine common “trust traps” like gossip, assumptions, avoidance, and bypassing others in communication, all of which can quietly undermine relationships.

The episode highlights how trust is rebuilt through small, everyday interactions—micro moments of honesty, feedback, and follow-through. While trust can break quickly, restoring it requires patience, consistency, and the willingness to have difficult conversations.

Whether at work or at home, rebuilding trust often begins with a simple but courageous step: daring to start the conversation.

#trust #podcast #leadership #conflict #ego #EQ #emotionalintelligence

In this episode of Ego vs EQ & You, Jen Shirkani and co-host Steve Friedlein explore a common leadership dilemma: Can you adapt your behavior to others without losing your authenticity?

Through practical examples and coaching insights, they unpack the tension between being “true to yourself” and using emotional intelligence to read the room. The conversation highlights why authenticity doesn’t mean saying or doing whatever you feel in the moment—and why small behavioral adjustments can actually strengthen connection rather than make you seem fake.

They also discuss empathy, the role of vulnerability in leadership, and why leaders who appear too polished can unintentionally become unrelatable. Ultimately, Jen and Steve explain how emotional intelligence helps leaders express authenticity in ways that are appropriate, effective, and human.

In this episode of Ego vs EQ & You, Jen and Steve continue their “Versus Series” by tackling an issue that causes countless misunderstandings at work and in relationships: intent vs. impact.

Most people judge themselves by their good intentions, while judging others by the impact of their behavior. The challenge is that even well-intended messages can land poorly if we don’t consider how they will be received. Through leadership examples and practical discussion, Jen and Steve explore how emotional intelligence helps us anticipate reactions, read the room, and adjust our delivery in real time.

They also discuss why audiences react differently to the same message, the importance of giving people space to respond, and how matching the emotional tone of your audience can help your message land more effectively. Ultimately, the conversation highlights a key truth: your intent belongs to you, but the impact belongs to your audience.

The episode closes with an important distinction between ego and emotional intelligence—ego defends our intent, while EQ takes responsibility for the impact our words and actions have on others.

Ever found yourself so far off track that you didn't recognize your own career anymore? In this raw and honest episode, Jen Shirkani shares the wake-up meeting she had and what happened next changed everything.

Discover why comfort can be more dangerous than fear and how losing sight of your core strengths costs you more than just money. This episode will give you the courage to course correct.

In this thought-provoking episode, host Jen Shirkani challenges the common saying "life is short" and argues for adopting a "life is long" mindset. She explores how this perspective shift impacts our decisions about health, finances, career, and wellbeing. Jen discusses why planning for decades ahead—even if uncertain—leads to better outcomes with minimal downside. From retirement planning to choosing patience over impulse, this episode offers practical wisdom for making choices that serve your long-term future.