A bottle of wine or twisted in the bed sheets, I know how to keep it professional. How to keep my personal and professional life separate. I may leave clues, but that is art of writing. I didn’t get in first place several times for no reason, while speaking in another language. I know five languages. With a speech you have to memorize the language and what you are saying, while recovering from surgery. I don’t let nothing stop me, even though the surgery had to deal with my voice. Prestige Champagne, is the type of person that you are. You don’t stay down for long, you always find a way to shine and to keep going. Your work ethic doesn’t compare to many, because you chose to continue instead of quitting when life gets tough. You take the criticism and turn it into something powerful. That’s why many give up on you, because nothing they say or do is bothering you, it’s causing them more trouble. I am not saying it never bother me, it did but I never let it consume me. I learned what I needed to, and I kept going. Many thought they had me figured out or knew my next move. I will always be three steps ahead, while still planning my life three years ahead. Prestige is knowing your weaknesses but still turning it into something beautiful.

The Alchemist, Romeo & Juliet, literature, you would be picked like a rose. My brain is like a symphony or orchestra. I know how to play the violin, guitar, piano and clarinet even thought it’s been a while. A tragedy that turns into a happy ending. Cadillac Margarita, isn’t about the luxury of a car, it’s the place where your mind can wonder to when you listen to instrumental music. I got in third place for a poem I wrote in third grade. I always loved writing, but I also love math and history. What do they always say, “the sky is not the limit”. I never been about the material things or expensive things, it’s been about the experiences and the relationships I have. I like to put myself in others people’s shoes, because none of us really know what the other person is going through. I have been cheated on, what is always ironic is the grass is never greener on the other side. By the time they realize that it’s too late. I know my worth, you can wait for years hopping the pain will amend but it never will. I forgive you but have nothing to do with you. You can ghost me, block me act like kid instead of grown man who was a year older then me. Always running away from your problems, I am forgiving person but I don’t tolerate nonsense. I don’t care how many years it has been, you made your choice and you will have to live with it. It’s not my problem that you can’t live with the choice that you made. I still have things to learn , and many areas to grow, but at least I am tough and know when to say no.

I get your overwhelmed because I type a lot and I type quickly and send a lot of messages, but I am tired of holding it in, I have been there for you, and supported you, for you to only text me ever once in a while. I am sorry I made you feel overwhelmed, but I felt comfortable to share a lot with you, but this shit gets old after a while. I feel like I was thrown away like a piece of trash. What you shared with me is safe with me, but I am done with people starting a connection, then they get terrified and they ghost you or block you. I am sick of it. Why did you reach out to me then? I can share how much you hurt me in the past, but I didn’t because I respected you. There is a reason why I don’t follow you or talk to you much anymore. You said it so yourself, you need to work on not ghosting people. I still care about you, but I am done. Don’t open the door if you can’t handle what is behind it, To make your life easier, then just keep the distance that you already created. It just hurts when you talk to someone everyday, to every once in a while and not anymore. I am over it. You say you don’t play games, but it’s given that. No one else had a problem, expect you. I had no problem changing that, to respect you but I never got nothing in return. I am not mad at you and I don’t hate you, but I am done being nice, when you are the one who started all of this. I didn’t even start none of this. I wish you best, but maybe you need time to make up your mind. I was perfectly fine being your friend, I still wanted to hear from you, but I feel like I was thrown away like a piece of trash. Maybe you understand maybe you don’t, but I will always care about you. You will always have a special place in my heart, but I am done, I can’t anymore. I am the one that got away, because you pushed me away.

Checkmate I couldn’t loose, they said I was cheat. I am damned if I do, damned if I don’t. Many still living with their parents, instead of getting a life of your own. Being in the basement telling how someone else should live their life, when you should focus on yourself. The way I look at life isn’t just the fun parts, but the business part. I grew up in a family business, it isn’t just about what you put out. It’s how you interact with everyone and how you maintain that connection. Burned bridges get you no where, it’s like a transaction that gets declined. You have to keep pressing forward, but also celebrate the moments. No one will understand the hard work you put in, expect for the ones who actually care. I may think in a business way, but it’s how I stay three steps ahead. You will never know my next move. Just like Chess, you never tell your component your next move. Maybe that’s why I can’t stand still or taking a break. Champagne Margarita, I do make time for the ones I care about, but once you know the game. You found ways to stay on top. There is celebration but also there is working hard.

After all these years, becoming healed, you realized so much damage you carried, how many bad habits or ways you did things, you didn’t want to act on survival mode. I did have a tough side, but I learned how lean into my soft side and be less tough on myself. I didn’t deserve half of what I went through, but I wasn’t perfect either.

Surviving the Great War was realizing that they were playing with fire. Somewhere in the haze I’ve sensed I have been betrayed. Breaking someone’s confidentiality to only act like the victim . You knew what you were doing, but you didn’t think I would expose you. There is no place to hide but the bed you created of lies. Don’t show up or act like I forgot. I don’t forget. You just want this to go away, but it won’t. I survived the Great War while you are in misery. What you did backfired on you. Not only did you destroy your reputation and credibility, I heard since I left that company is in pieces. Not my problem, maybe you should have listened to my warning but I’m not the one who is suffering. It’s always interesting how when I walk away everything breaks into pieces. All this time I was the one holding everything together. You will never find another person like me and many of you are learning that the hard way.

August is one of the most difficult months for me, my grandfather passed away August 23rd, 2019. From the start of August and now it’s almost the end of August. August slipped away without a hello or goodbye. Twenty-three was significant for me because I lost my grandfather on the twenty-third, but when I turned twenty-three I lost my grandmother and a close friend as well. Twenty-three will be forever a memory to me, while August will be a month I will cherish, just like April. The twenty-four and twenty-eight will be two days I cherish as well. It’s interesting how numbers from before give you another meaning in life. The twenty-eighth of February my husband and I got married, The twenty-eighth of April I lost my grandmother. The twenty-third of January is my birthday, but the twenty-third of August is when I lost my grandfather. Like January twenty-fifth is my grandfather's birthday and I am twenty-five years old. It’s cool how numbers can have heartbreaking events happen on those days, then years later have a whole new meaning.

Living with Fibromyalgia, is like being hot and cold at the same time, while being aggravated by the pain. Fibromyalgia is consider as an autoimmune disease. The pain can be like needles, fire, ants to electric shocks at any point in the body. Being so stiff you fill like you are carrying bricks when you walk. A tiredness that never goes, even eight hours isn’t enough. Fibromyalgia can cause many other issues as well. Also I have CPS(Central Pain Syndrome), where my body no longer knows how to process pain, that’s why I’m always in excruciating pain. Some seasons are worse then others, like summer and winter are worse when it comes to the pain, then with the rain and cold temperatures. There really isn’t a break from not having pain. Fibromyalgia can happen from many factors but two of them is trauma and if you had a serious accident, like an injury to your back. Which I fit all the criteria. Doing research, butterflies are a symbol of being fragile but a rebirth. To live with a condition a disease a new way of life, while looking vibrant from all the changes of life.

Being stuck in February, because so much happened in the last three years, that happened in February.  Am I allowed to leave or am I forever stuck in February? The last time I saw my grandma was February 20th. The last time I spoke to my mom and we went our own separate way was February 18th. Then my husband and I got married February 28th. All of this happened in the same year. The year of 2022, the year of pain not just mentally but physically. April 24th my next door neighbor passed away and April 28th my grandmother passed away in 2022. Then finding out Dec 25th of 2022, I had Abdominal Endometriosis. A year I wanted to forget but would remember. Endless February being stuck and having no energy to move forward. I just wanted to disappear. I thought the year of 2023 or 2024 would be better but it was the exact opposite. 

Red lipstick is the confidence of sharing the truth of what actually happened. I don’t care if it makes you uncomfortable, you didn’t care when it destroyed me. Time is irrelevant when everything was always about you and your needs. Don’t be going my social medias or going behind my back talking to my friends. Once one was foot was out the door, the other one would no longer would be invited in. It’s not my problem that your engagement didn’t work. Blocking me and ghosting me wasn’t enough, you had show back up six years later pretending like nothing ever happened. What more do I have to express to get you to understand to leave me the hell alone. I don’t care about your apology or excuse. It’s not problem that you’re not happy. That you are living with guilt. This is you problem, like I said before I don’t care how uncomfortable this makes you feel. You never gave a shit about how I felt. Showing up six years later only puts the salt in the wound.