looking at my shadow and I shrug
a silhouette of who I once was
Am I afraid to really open up
told my mama how I felt
about myself and show enough
she didn't hear me
all she heard was she ain't really done enough
all her effort gon to waste
because her son is poker face
and he accepts his fate
that he will not achieve much
America is so corrupt
I attended the college
but I noticed I'm not learning much
she said you only 20
you just haven't made your mind up
God is standing right behind us
let him show you what ur purpose
and I tell her
mommy listen
not opposed to optimism
I'm compliant with your wisdom
but I have seen so much with just my eyes
I know I'm in my right mind
there's a pattern in our timeline
and I cry to god
why do I cry, god
why you make earth for me
and liter it with pythons
and poisons and shoot outs
and oppression
with no cure for my depression
mom, I'm not afraid to fail the mission
cause treat my failures as learning lessons
but please hear me for a second
what if I really go and give my all
spread my wings and jump
but fall and break my legs
are you expecting me to crawl
who really has the answers to it all
I know I'm loved and all
know that I am capable
but
I'm, not even present half the time
in all my conversations
I must play a role inside my mind
I'm not interested in 9-5s
and even though I want the most
I don't know how to comply
or even settle
then she tells me that I'm negative
my outlook is upsetting and
I'm special and I'm gifted
but I look at all my peers
and I can't even peep the difference
just cause we have different interests
doesn't mean that I'm a shoo-in
tell god he has to prove it
how many praying on the daily
but ain't getting any improvement
college student feel stupid
unamused useless
this degree don't change the views in
the wallet in my pocket
or the roads that I am walking
if my purpose has been chosen
long ago before I wrote this
tell me why minds corroded
tell me why are you so scared
if you so certain bout this purpose
then there's no doubt ill make it there
but your tears show me fears
and even you cannot explain why were here
why am I here
20 years old I'm on my own with no show
reaching goals but losing soul
left the state to make a home
I make mistakes
with ones who know me best
and bonds I won't forget
maybe even some regrets
the experience I've had is pretty full
but none the less
you cannot change the world
or the people whos inside it
see my girl and she be crying way too often
know that it's my fault
I know I caused it
reflections of my father and his choices
but a baby I avoided
got his temper
and his taste
maybe habits and his name
I'm not ashamed
yeah I love him and I claim
but I cannot help but think
that there was much that undeveloped
and I act the way I act because of that
It's not an act through its fact like Snapple caps that's cheesy raps he taught me that
but teach me how to throw a ball
teach me how to treat a woman when she balls
teach me how to get my fist up out the wall
teach me how to pick myself up when I fall
I run away from problems that I cause
maybe cause you did that when your backs against the wall
deny it if you want
I'm not gon judge or treat you salt
when I'm feeling off my mic is how I let it off
people treat me like I know it all
but I never get involved
in anything at all
that I know cannot evolve
and as my life unfolds
I try to solve
the reasons why I'm here at all
the reasons why I'm here alone
the reasons why I roll up smoke
the reasons whats the reason
that my girl doesn't trust me anymore
she said she loves me faithfully but I confide I am hiding cause I'm scared that im a loser and ill loser her chasing rapper dreams instead of stacking green
anxieties attacking me
paranoia after me
that's my everyday casualties
but life keeps moving rapidly
and eventually, it captures me
