Emotionally Scammed Podcast

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“There are only two ways to live—

You can build your life from what happened to you, or from who you actually are.”

The Conversation

What if you did everything right, and still ended up with a life that doesn't quite feel like yours? Welcome to Emotionally Scammed. I'm Kristen, and in this first episode I'll share why I started this podcast and the question behind it: how much of your life did you choose, and how much did you build because it's what you learned to do?

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Episode 0 — Welcome to Emotionally Scammed

Hi, I’m Kristen, and welcome to Emotionally Scammed.

I’m really glad you’re here.

I created this podcast because there’s something about the way we build our lives that I don’t think we stop to look at nearly enough.

We spend so much of our lives trying to do everything right. Making good decisions, working hard, building relationships, and trying to create this beautiful life for ourselves.

And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.

But here’s the part I find so fascinating.

You can do everything you were taught was right and still end up building a life that doesn’t actually belong to you.

And I want to show you how that happens.

You went to school. You got the job. Maybe you got married, bought the house, had some kids. You’ve worked hard. You’ve tried to be a good person. You’ve made what you believed were the best decisions for yourself.

And you know what? You probably were doing the best you could.

But here’s what I want you to think about.

The best you could, based on what?

Based on what you were taught? How you were raised? What you watched growing up? What you learned you had to do to be loved, accepted, or successful?

Because there’s a huge difference between building a life from who you actually are and building a life from everything you’ve learned to be.

And most of us don’t even recognize the difference.

We just keep living.

We make decisions. We get into relationships. We choose careers. We set goals. We work toward this picture in our heads of what a good life is supposed to look like.

But how often do we actually stop and ask ourselves what’s making those decisions?

Because you can spend your entire life thinking you’re choosing for yourself when you don’t even understand what’s happening inside you.

And that’s why I called this podcast Emotionally Scammed.

Because I think so many of us are unknowingly scamming ourselves out of the very life we’re trying to build.

And we’re doing it in these tiny, ordinary moments that don’t seem like a big deal.

You say yes when you really want to say no.

You stay in a relationship because leaving feels scarier than staying.

You keep pushing yourself because somewhere along the way, you learned that your worth comes from what you accomplish.

And every time you make one of those choices, you’re building something.

Your relationships. Your career. Your family life. Your future.

But every one of those choices comes with a cost.

And when those choices aren’t coming from what’s actually true for you, that cost can be pieces of yourself you don’t even realize you’re giving away.

So here’s my question.

Are you actually the one doing the building?

Or are you letting everything you’ve experienced make those decisions for you?

Because when you’re building a life from everything you’ve learned to be instead of who you actually are, you can end up living only half your life.

You’re building everything externally, because you’ve never really gone inward to understand the person who’s doing the building.

And I want to show you why that matters.

The Cracked Mirror — How We’re Seeing Life

I have this analogy that I absolutely love, and I want you to picture it with me.

Imagine you’re standing in front of a two-way mirror.

You can see yourself, but you can also see the world outside of you.

Now imagine that mirror is cracked.

And every single crack represents something you’ve accumulated throughout your life.

Your childhood. Your conditioning. The things people said to you. The times you were rejected. The beliefs you’ve developed about yourself. The ways you learned to protect yourself.

And the thing is, you’re still looking at yourself.

You’re still looking at life.

But you’re seeing both through those cracks.

And because you’ve been looking through that mirror for so long, you don’t even recognize that it’s cracked.

You just think that’s what reality looks like.

Let me give you an example.

Let’s say you grew up learning that love was something you had to earn.

Maybe you had to be good enough. Accomplish enough. Keep everybody happy. Whatever it was.

Now you’re an adult, and you’re in a relationship where you’re constantly trying to prove your worth.

You’re doing everything for this person. You’re trying to keep them happy. You’re afraid of doing something wrong.

And you might genuinely believe that’s what love looks like.

Because that’s what you’ve always known.

Now imagine somebody comes into your life who doesn’t make you earn their love.

They’re consistent. They’re kind. You don’t have to constantly prove yourself.

And instead of feeling comfortable, you feel uncomfortable.

Because it’s unfamiliar.

So you tell yourself, “I don’t know, there’s just no spark.” Or, “Something feels off. I don’t think they’re the right person for me.”

And you walk away thinking you made the best decision for yourself.

But here’s what I find so fascinating.

You think you’re choosing based on what you want. You think you’re recognizing that somebody just isn’t a good fit.

But really, what you’re calling a lack of connection is actually an old belief about love. and it just made that decision for you?

A belief you’ve never even stopped to recognize.

That’s the cracked mirror.

And this goes into everything.

Your relationships. Your friendships. Your career. The standards you have for yourself. What you tolerate. What you think you’re capable of.

Even the way you interpret other people.

Because we’re not just experiencing what happens around us. We’re also interpreting those experiences through everything we’ve carried with us.

And if you never learn to recognize what’s distorting that lens, you can keep making decisions from the very things that have been hurting you.

And then wonder why you keep ending up in the same situations.

And this is why I want to change the stigma about healing.

Healing Is the Doorway, Not the Destination

It’s not just about feeling better about yourself or understanding why something happened to you.

Those things matter, absolutely.

But there’s something so much bigger on the other side of that.

Healing is what begins clearing the mirror.

You start recognizing, oh, that’s where that belief came from.

That’s why I react that way.

That’s why I keep choosing the same type of relationship.

And now, instead of automatically believing every thought or feeling that comes up, you can start looking at what’s actually happening.

Is that fear?

Is that an old pattern?

Or is that genuinely what I want?

And the more you begin recognizing those things, the more clearly you can start seeing yourself and the life you’re living.

But here’s the thing.

Understanding yourself is only half the work.

Because you can understand exactly why you do something and still turn around and do it again.

And I know that because I’ve walked it.

You still have to learn how to make a different choice when real life shows up.

That’s where the Walk begins.

How I Got Here

Now, before I get too far into all of this, I want you to know a little bit about me.

Because I’ve always been somebody who sees the world a little differently.

And I have two very strong sides to myself.

I’m very masculine. I love anything with an engine. Dirt bikes, side-by-s…