We looked up farm porn for this episode, mija. Trigger warnings: Archie being horny, drug use, violence/death, corporal punishment, conversion therapy, medical abuse, force feeding (???)

How many things can you shove up your vag, mija? Trigger warnings: miscarriage, su*cide, child abuse, death/violence, kidnapping

We're here to let you know that Archie Andrews is canonically average at sex, mija. We were surprised, too. Trigger warnings: police violence, torture, child abuse, assault, su*cide

Listen, mija. We know apartheid was bad. The joke is that the Riverdale writers think that's a hot take. It's fucking not. Anyway this bio doesn't make sense unless you listen, mija. Trigger warnings: racism, abuse, incest, child marriage, drug use, death/violence

Is it cheating if you have to go to a sex bunker to become worthy of the King's Scripture, mija? Trigger warnings: su*cide, drugs, violence

This podcast does not support J*hn M*laney, mija. But we do use his jokes. Trigger warning: su*cide, drug use, gang violence, assault

We're really not good at doing this podcast, mija. If you saw the other bio, no you didn't. Trigger warnings: su*cide, abuse, drug use, conversion therapy/homophobia

Does your peepee have a hat, mija? Let us know!

Pop your pussies for the gang war, mija 💋

Chapter 32? Never heard of her, mija. Also, this episode sucks.