Enough Wicker: Intellectualizing the Golden Girls

We made it! We break down the very satisfying, very funny, very sad finale of the greatest television of all time, The Golden Girls. Thank you for being our friend and sticking with us! You've inspired us more than you'll never know <3

Before we get to the final episode of the greatest television of all time, we chat about our process and pull highlights from our copious notes.

The Girls crash a local high school reunion with assumed identities such as the ever-popular prom queen Cindy Lou Peeples and the class B Susan Armstrong. While it seems like a load of fun, things quickly take a turn when Rose is rushed to the hospital with a cardiac emergency. Kierstan, who apparently lives in Miami now (?) comes by, Blanche finds Jesus while entertaining her daughter and granddaughter, and Sophia does the best Scandinavian accent we've heard yet. A wild ride fitting for the penultimate two-parter of the greatest television show of all time.

Blanche convinces Rose that Miles has the wandering eye, and that the only way to quell it is with a nudie photoshoot. Dorothy bumps into a former student who offers her a cushy job with a big salary, but she simply cannot part with the driver's ed cones.

In the final cross over with Empty Nest and Nurses, officially called Full Moon over Miami, all hell has broken loose at Blanche's moonlight madness party. Men are totally ignoring her, except for Derek ah...sumpin, they're all over Dorothy, Miles and Rose might get married, and Sophia is out here trippin rabbis. A wild romp that ends with everyone just accepting that the moon makes people crazy sometimes.

Dorothy is perfectly content watching Amazing Discoveries (it just shucks it off!) but Blanche insists she come down to The Rusty Anchor and meet some men. Dorothy ends up bringing the house down with a 'little ditty' that sends Blanche into a green with envy (or maybe magenta with envy?) tailspin. Meanwhile, Sophia, Blanche and Rose plan Sophia's live wake.

Angelo and Rose accidentally get Dorothy and Stan into some hot water regarding their rental property. Meanwhile, Mama needs a new pair of shoes!

Dorothy and Blanche audition for Jeopardy, but Blanche doesn't know where the Ural Mountains are and Dorothy has studied everything under the sun, including the St. Olaf High Yearbook. Meanwhile, in one of the teariest tearjerkers of all time, the girls get Rose a dog to raise her spirits, which she gifts to a widower who lost his wife not hours before.

Dorothy finally beds a Beatle. Or, at least an incredible simulation. Meanwhile, Blanche aggressively pursues a very very tall gentleman.

Hello, Mr. Gordon! In an all-time fav, Dorothy's high school teacher, whom she had a massive crush on, is in Miami. She hopes to impress him by sharing her views on women's issues on a local TV Show booked by A+ TV producer Rose, aka Harold Goldstein.