The pendulum swings back and forth, hour by hour, day by day, week by week, month by month.

My pendulum swings are extreme. The highs are high, and the lows are low. This has become more prevalent in my life lately, and I've become aware of this more than ever before. In the past, I would make excuses and brush it off as "the way life is supposed to be".

I hate the lows. I hate the person I am in the lows. I hate the way it makes me feel, think, and act. I want to run and hide. I want to disappear. I don't want to face it or feel it.

But it's life. We all experience this.

The highs are special, liberating, and time-collapsing. I see this and recognize it. I want more of this. I believe for me, what's making the lows so dark is how badly I want to be the man who experiences the highs more frequently.

It's exhausting living in the low side of the swing. But I've come to accept this as part of me, and if I want to be at a place in my life where I can accept all of me for me, then that will require me to embrace these swings and be willing to extract the lessons along the way.

If you feel this, experience it, and live it. Know this, you are not alone.