👀The More You Know, The More You Know.

This is Part 1 (extended article). Let’s talk about…

* ❤️‍🩹How people can heal over Attachment wounds (disorganized, anxious….)

* 😫How some may be “getting worse” or not any better (part 2 coming)

* 🥇Why relationships are like a 3 Legged Race

* 🧐Compatibility V.S. Emotional Maturity

* 🏁Why emotional maturity is relationship glue

* 😵‍💫Anddd Neurological wiring, 📍“Emotional Borders”, and when it’s believed to start forming.

Relationships are a 3-Legged Race🥇

📋To keep (secure, reciprocal) relationships going, we….**

* Have to want to work on repair and grow together🕊️

* Have to want to try to understand and respect each other (and our needs)🙏🏼

* We have autonomy over our decisions and our chapters🌺; having outside relationships and hobbies- the opposite of codependency, not restricting individuals of their choices or trying to control their actions or behaviors

**Compatibility V.S. Emotional Maturity

📊There’s other factors that affect compatibility in our relationships. But that's not the same as emotional maturity.🧐

𐄷 We’re sticking with emotional-maturity-level themes because if we don’t have these “basics”✅, we won’t have strong enough glue to hold the connection together, even if we have the same values, beliefs, personalities, hobbies...

⏳🏁how many hours we have worked together, how much we both love baseball, that we belong to the same religious organization,🎙️ that we have the same political opinion, or love singing duet-karaoke together…🎤

Can’t make up the emotional distance in relationships.

Meeting each other on the same Maturity Wavelength where both our (or all parties) needs are being met is necessary for healthy relationships. **

📍Stuck in Arizona, and Can’t Cross the Border

🗺️Many people on the planet do not have what they need to cross their emotional borders. (😵‍💫neurological wiring (attachment theory) is known for beginning in childhood, but is now believed to be formed in trimesters before birth, taking on the attachment of the mother— some doctors believe neurological wiring really is formed before that, at the time of the mother’s (or mother’s mothers) birth. (how interesting is that🤓)

🧰 A great way of testing this in real time, is speaking your mind— Speaking out loud can help us judge if we are in a safe dynamic for ourselves.

🌷🧠this is called Theory of Mind ( Cognitive Behavioral Therapy )** :

Whether or not we have the ability to process and understand our feelings and thoughts (and others) quickly in real time and is crucial for building credibility in relationships because it creates continuity or alignment with our thoughts and actions in real time.

(**CBT- is getting aware of our current thoughts, discussing and writing them out, and facing our fears head on and doing what scares us—

Dr. David Burns has great examples in the book When Panic Attacks — he gives many situations of people struggling with lifelong phobias and traumas holding them back and healing themselves with the new perspectives, journalling and emotional processing tools he’d recommend.** )

Thank you for reading!

Part 2 is Ignoring Emotional/ Intuitive Integrity— shorter article, but longer podcast.

Ashley Reilly

Get full access to Ashley Reilly's: The Accountabilityy Hour at daydreamslowlyy.substack.com/subscribe