Eric Hipwood tried a daring new strategy called “kicking straight,” and he nailed four goals. It’s this innovative thinking that has been missing from his game all year. Rumor has it all teams are now starting to explore this new strategy of kicking more goals than points. Fascinating. 

Welcome back to AFL from LA. I’m your host, Cindye. I am here in West Hollywood in front of the world famous Troubadour. It was the first place that Elton John ever played in the United States. And it was one of the few places that John Lennon got kicked out of for being too drunk. 

It was the Rohan Rampage, first taking out his own teammate, and then taking out the entire Melbourne team. He kicked three goals, and what ahead of hair on that guy? Do you know how many women would kill for that hair color? The Cats trailed by seven goals at three quarter time, and then when on to kick six in a row. I heard that Chris Scott said there’d be no more feline treats unless they pulled off the win. Works with my cats. Tanner Bruhn and Brad Close led the way for the Cats, causing thousands of football fans to frantically Google their names. The Dees seemed interested in kicking the ball pretty much anywhere except between the big sticks. They’ve now kicked 8.13, 8.18, and 8.15 in their last three games. It seems like the Demons have gone pear-shaped the last five weeks. Clayton Oliver?! Clayton Oliver? Anyone? 

Back-to-back losses for the Saints. For the first time this year, they’ve now lost four out of their last six games. Despite Ross the Boss’s halftime adjustments, which included a PowerPoint presentation called, “Scoring: A How-to Guide,” the Saints just couldn’t pull it together. The last time the Saints won a flag, the Beach boys were at the top of the charts. Other things that happened in 1966: the mini skirt was invented and Batman premiered on tv. I really feel for Saints supporters. Hi, Eric. I mean, there are 57 year olds that have never seen their team win a flag. For the Lions, it was a solid team performance at their home away from home. They monstered the Saints around the ball, and they won the territory game. The Lions are so hard to read. They’ve won their last seven of eight at Marvel, but they’ve lost 12 straight at the MCG. Until they can break the MCG hoodoo they’re just making up the numbers in the top four. 

Dockers won a first quarter! That’s right, Freo discovered that pressure isn’t just something you put in tires. I mean there’s the Freo Dockers and then there’s the Sean Darcy Dockers. Pull out your checkbooks, Freo, and re-sign Mount Darcy right now. He is to Freo what Nic Nat is to the Eagles. Was to the Eagles. Ugh. Eagles. With Mount Everest in the team, Brayshaw and Serong start getting 60 plus disposals. And Action Jackson gets to go to town, playing wherever the hell he wants. I’m saying it here and now. Forget Grundy/Gawn, Darcy/Jackson is the most lethal big man combo in the comp. Freo, lose Sean Darcy at your own peril. For the Bombers, Peter Wright was kept goalless by Alex Pearce. And it’s the fourth game in a row that Sam Weideman hasn’t kicked a single goal. In fact, the Bombers didn’t even have a single multiple goal kicker. The win against the Bombers was not Freo’s best. But it was a huge step up from last week. And with a winnable game coming up against the Bulldogs, the old heave ho might be back on track. 

Who needs Netflix when you’ve got Collingwood? I mean, that second half was the best game of football I’ve seen since, since the last time Collingwood played Adelaide. Adelaide once again made the fatal mistake of leading at three quarter time. Collingwood just shrugged and said, hold our beers while we snatch this. I heard one Crows fan say that they lost to Collingwood just to keep Port off the top of the ladder. And then I heard others blaming the umpire. Look, Crows fans, I feel for you. But the umpires did not make you kick 11 and 14 behinds. If you had kicked straight, you would have won. Jordan Dawson, in Game 100, was as epic as I’ve ever seen him. He should play his 100th every week. While Nick Daicos racked up his usual 37 disposals and a crucial final term goal. 5 goals from Big Tex Walker put him one goal ahead in the race for the Coleman. While 2 goals from the other Tex, big Texan Mason Cox, helped ice Collingwood’s win and started a good old fashioned melee. God I love me some push and shove. The Crows have now lost their last three games against Collingwood by a total of eight points. The Heart Foundation is now calling for a boycott of all Collingwood Adelaide games, in the interest of public safety. Public safety be damned, I say. Put Adelaide Collingwood games on every Friday night and keep the cardiologists in business.