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EP 21: Conflict Styles: How You Fight & Why It Matters
In this episode of Relational Lives, Ali and Ros explore the three most common conflict styles that show up in relationships: blame-blame, attack-withdraw, and withdraw-withdraw. With warmth, insight, and lived experience, they help listeners identify their own patterns, understand the emotional drivers underneath, and reflect on how these cycles affect connection. Whether you argue loudly or shut down silently, this episode will help you make sense of what's really happening between you and your partner.
Shownotes:
Episode: Conflict Styles: How You Fight & Why It Matters
In this episode:
00:00 – Intro: Why conflict styles matter
03:00 – Blame–Blame (Attack–Attack) Style: Fact wars & emotional explosions
11:40 – What’s really going on under the blame game
14:15 – Pursuer–Withdrawer Pattern: A one-sided fight for connection
20:50 – The still face, shutdowns, and how withdrawal fuels escalation
27:40 – Text message tension: Modern conflict and emotional distance
30:10 – Withdraw–Withdraw Style: The silent disconnect
34:30 – Is no conflict really a problem? When disconnection feels safe
38:15 – How to recognise your style & what to do with it
42:32 – 3 Takeaway Tips + 'Would You Rather' segment
📍 Resources mentioned:
'Hold Me Tight' by Dr. Sue Johnson (book + online course0
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) - Therapy model underpinning the conflict styles
Still Face Experiment by Dr. Edward Tronick – Referenced during the withdrawal discussion
Understanding attachment styles:
https://www.podbean.com/ew/pb-xwpd3-186c726
Negative relationship cycles:
Connect with us:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relational_lives
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/relationallives/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@relational_lives
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@Relational_Lives
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tempo-psychotherapy-services-33a00318/
Want to share your story or come on the show to discuss your dilemma? Write to us and we might cover it in a future episode. Drop us a message at [email protected] or you can anonymously complete our form here: https://forms.office.com/e/qcrCkbhPiT. We’d also love to hear updates if you’ve written in before.
Subscribe for future episodes on trauma, attachment and more mental health topics. If you found this episode helpful, please like this video or share it with a friend.
Disclaimer:
Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help.
Credits:
Hosts: Alison Bickers and Ros Peckham at www.mytempo.co.uk
Music by: Stile Tree Studio
Produced by: Synergy Podcast Studio
View all episodes
By relationallivesIn this episode of Relational Lives, Ali and Ros explore the three most common conflict styles that show up in relationships: blame-blame, attack-withdraw, and withdraw-withdraw. With warmth, insight, and lived experience, they help listeners identify their own patterns, understand the emotional drivers underneath, and reflect on how these cycles affect connection. Whether you argue loudly or shut down silently, this episode will help you make sense of what's really happening between you and your partner.
Shownotes:
Episode: Conflict Styles: How You Fight & Why It Matters
In this episode:
00:00 – Intro: Why conflict styles matter
03:00 – Blame–Blame (Attack–Attack) Style: Fact wars & emotional explosions
11:40 – What’s really going on under the blame game
14:15 – Pursuer–Withdrawer Pattern: A one-sided fight for connection
20:50 – The still face, shutdowns, and how withdrawal fuels escalation
27:40 – Text message tension: Modern conflict and emotional distance
30:10 – Withdraw–Withdraw Style: The silent disconnect
34:30 – Is no conflict really a problem? When disconnection feels safe
38:15 – How to recognise your style & what to do with it
42:32 – 3 Takeaway Tips + 'Would You Rather' segment
📍 Resources mentioned:
'Hold Me Tight' by Dr. Sue Johnson (book + online course0
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) - Therapy model underpinning the conflict styles
Still Face Experiment by Dr. Edward Tronick – Referenced during the withdrawal discussion
Understanding attachment styles:
https://www.podbean.com/ew/pb-xwpd3-186c726
Negative relationship cycles:
Connect with us:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relational_lives
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/relationallives/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@relational_lives
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@Relational_Lives
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tempo-psychotherapy-services-33a00318/
Want to share your story or come on the show to discuss your dilemma? Write to us and we might cover it in a future episode. Drop us a message at [email protected] or you can anonymously complete our form here: https://forms.office.com/e/qcrCkbhPiT. We’d also love to hear updates if you’ve written in before.
Subscribe for future episodes on trauma, attachment and more mental health topics. If you found this episode helpful, please like this video or share it with a friend.
Disclaimer:
Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help.
Credits:
Hosts: Alison Bickers and Ros Peckham at www.mytempo.co.uk
Music by: Stile Tree Studio
Produced by: Synergy Podcast Studio