Frankly, my dear, you will give a damn about these crimes—because this week, we’re taking a petty look through the ultimate portal to chaos: windows.

Trevin kicks things off with a romantic thrift store date gone wrong. What begins as a sweet hunt for house shorts quickly unravels when he discovers none of them come with pockets. Meanwhile, Amanda visits the brand new stadium for the KC Current—America’s first stadium built exclusively for women’s sports—only to be betrayed (again) by her husband’s antics when the Smile Cam hits.

In this week’s Would You Rather?

Trevin gets topical with a dystopian choice: Would you rather be the mouthpiece for government propaganda, or be paid to stay silent about the Epstein Files—while everyone knows you know?

Amanda brings the body horror, asking: Would you rather have one enormous visible tooth… or over 50 secret teeth buried in your jaw?

Then it's on to the true petty crime stories, where things get destructive.

Trevin shares the story of Dale W. Hamit, a 60-year-old man from Springfield, Missouri, whose obsession with Crocs footwear ends in a gas station drive-thru... but not the kind with food.

Amanda tells the fiery tale of Dr. Leopold Weinstein, a dentist from Camarillo, California, who may or may not have tried to burn down a building. Is it frustration with insurance companies, or just early retirement by way of felony arson?

These two men may have never met, but their crimes are united by broken windows and building destruction.

So roll down the windows and let in the fresh air—this week’s stories bring the windowpane.

🦶 Today’s petty crimes:

Proper Footwear for Doing Bad

A Burning Passion for Dentistry

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