President Trump claims he left instructions to “obliterate Iran” if he’s ever assassinated—and KUMP breaks it down. Ray and Lucie unpack the death box, JD Vance’s loyalty, and whether the Pope can rebrand as Jesus Christ the First.

Plus: how much war profit should taxpayers get? Should you be able to invest in a nuke startup on Robinhood? What’s the point of Ted Cruz? And why the NYC subway needs Roman-style phalanx shields.

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