It's Doug's birthday, and Alice has a super cool niche surprise for him that you all can take two minutes out of your lives and humor Doug for. Because if you make it that far, you'll also have heard the "crudest, most disgusting thing" Alice has ever heard. Really, everyone gets a present.

Other discussion topics may include:

- Could your doctor also be a spy?

- Inadvertent Costco tease PTSD

- Bonus New Yum City!

- What do aspirin and heroin have in common? Spoiler: Nearly everything

- Beethoven's Turd Movement