In this week's episode, Alice and Doug spit some apocrafacts at you, the likes of which you've never seen.

There's seagulls and Metallica and eugenics and Andy Richter. You'll have a pretty full plate on your hands here, folks.

And if you live in a certain northern Ohio town, boy do we have a great surprise for you.

Other discussion topics may include:

- Decorating with dirty underwear

- Dr. Kellogg vs. Mr. Pibb

- An orca's case of mistaken identity

- Normal mailers

- The cereal wars began in a sanitarium. No, really.

You’re on a rollercoaster. Would you rather have an emergency poop or an emergency vomit?

No, this isn’t a rerun. Yes, Doug and Alice bring back this very important question 285 episodes after the last time.

Does that mean there is a finite number of topics two people can discuss?

Nah. They just like talking about poop.

Other discussion topics may include:

- Joining a movement to stop Daylight Saving Time

- Seagull to seagull eye contact

- Is Polish sausage actually popular in Poland?

- Ribbed for her pleasure, except the exact opposite.

- How to work your asthma off

Have we, as a society, oversaturated on flavors? That's Alice's theory, as Doug presents another edition of New Yum City.

But then again she also spends some time explaining why bronze medals are better than silver medals, so it's tough to say what should be believed.

Also, Doug has a nut stuck in his throat, so sorry about that.

Other discussion topics may include:

- Easter flavored foods

- South Dianne Wiest Asia Starbucks

- Did you know Tommy Hilfiger is a real person?

- The father of pro wrestling, George Washington

- Ube matcha shoestring fries

This week Alice uncovers a possible conspiracy against her involving cell phone apps, AI videos, and a prankster of a shower drain. Additionally, she’s been to Bosnia, in case you weren’t aware.

Meanwhile, Doug wonders what might have been if he’d only owned a pair of shorts in his teen years. Also, he recently read a lot about John Wayne Gacy and Shirley Temple Black, and is feeling kind of disturbed about at least one of those.

Other discussion topics may include:

- What are some things you shouldn’t say at a funeral?

- A line Robert Zemeckis and Bob Gale likely/hopefully regret

- How to know if the video meant to train you about phishing videos is a phishing video

- Supposed Canadian family

- If your partner could have one superpower, what would you want it to be?

Alice and Doug are here to celebrate Women’s History Month!

Fingers crossed this goes well.

Other discussion topics may include:

- Carly Rae Jepsen would never kill anyone, right?

- Improving the ambiance at the White House

- Was architecture invented in 1918?

- Giving one’s hats different personalities

- The importance of normalizing girls asking guys out, because the guy can be really creepy

Alice and Doug have returned from a long-belated anniversary day trip where they had plenty of steak and visited plenty of unique shops. Maybe 25, and possibly 36.

And why does Doug have a plastic fork in his pocket? Actually, we may never know.

Other discussion topics may include:

- The Fast and the Courteous

- Drinks that might have mushroom aftertastes

- How to trick people into thinking you’re eating cremated remains

- Super ancient things from as far back as five months ago

- Ice cream that may have come from a wood chipper

Alice and Doug just returned from a St. Louis girls’ trip that Doug crashed. But it went really well, full of culture, art, and vegan Indian cuisine. 

Then they talked about the difference between sucking and licking for awhile.

It’s not what you think, but it’s not much better.

Other discussion topics may include:

- Have you been unknowingly eating 130-year old candy?

- A legitimate lesson on prepositions

- Would you rather have a porn name or the name “Doug?”

- Gummy fluffy little things

- Puppets who tell you to do crazy things, like attend church

This week Alice and Doug recap their very beautiful Valentine’s weekend, full of friends, great food, very thoughtful presents, and their love for each other.

Don’t worry, folks. While that might sound mushy, there are plenty of juvenile fart jokes in the episode.

Other discussion topics may include:

• Classic rom com The Ten Commandments

• Squeak Week

• Can girls be detectives?

• Cappin’ deez nuts

• Which side of the brain contains crock pot recipes?

This week Alice and Doug welcome back Wendy Brown for Valentine’s shenanigans. 

Wendy recites an article about murder and heartbreak. Doug teaches us about VDs. And Alice prepares to get her backdoor penetrated.

It’s quite the Valentine, folks. 

Also, have you ever played FMKBKB? You may want to after hearing this.

Other discussion topics may include:

- Losing one’s meatball along with a noodle

- A retelling of Twilight for a much younger audience

- Things that are needless to say, but are said anyway

- The 100% real life Jack and Rose from Titanic

- Sweet Georgia Brown, so to speak

In Doug’s annual attempt to get someone from Soul Asylum to listen to the podcast, there’s a brief game centered around their song titles. Is “Gullible’s Travels” a real Soul Asylum song? Only one way to find out.*

Meanwhile, Alice finds that she now has three or four new old ice skating shows to watch in the future. If she can ever tear herself away from enjoying all the world’s fonts.

Other discussion topics may include:

- Martin Mull, but not that one

- Catapulting from backyard to backyard

- Gardetto rye chip ice cream

- What bird looks like a helicopter?

- Dick Button: For when you don’t have a zipper

*Well, theoretically, you could just Google it, but ssshhhh.