What does it take to become the father you never had? Jay Vincent joins me for one of the most honest conversations we've had on the show. Jay grew up idolizing a dad who slid into alcoholism and walked out when Jay was 15, and for years Jay repeated the pattern, through addiction, two DUIs, and the day he came home to an empty house after his kids' mother left. This is the story of how he climbed back.

In this episode: how childhood shapes the dads we become, breaking a generational cycle of addiction, the night everything changed, getting sober and staying sober for 14 years, rebuilding trust with kids who barely knew him, parenting traumatized teenagers, and why doing the inner work is the real job of fatherhood.

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00:00 A hard-won lesson: kids absorb everything
00:29 Meet Jay Vincent, girl dad
02:03 Becoming a girl dad
05:44 Jay's childhood and his father
09:33 When a hero slides into alcoholism
10:53 The dad who left at 15
12:01 An angry teenager finds the dark side
14:00 Five miscarriages and the road to Kirsten
17:58 Bringing a child into a fighting home
21:03 The definition of fatherhood
21:36 Coming home to an empty house
24:07 Losing his kids and hitting bottom
25:04 Two DUIs and the cop who kept showing up
27:16 The night he cried out for help
28:49 Fourteen years sober
30:22 Doing it for his kids, then for himself
33:33 Showing up across state lines
34:00 Finding purpose in a fathers' recovery group
46:26 Advice for parents in a struggling relationship
49:22 Closing thoughts