Your kids are watching everything you do — and learning from none of what you say.

Henry Poole — creative entrepreneur, father of two grown sons, and one of the most thoughtful men Tony Cooper knows — sits down for a deep, honest conversation about what it really means to parent with intention. From discovering the emotion of anger in his 40s to forgiving his father in a therapist's office before his first son was even born, Henry's path to conscious fatherhood is unlike anything you've heard before.

Key Takeaways:

• Kids learn from behavior, not words — if you tell them not to hit while hitting them, you've already lost the lesson
• Anger isn't a broken emotion — it's lightning, natural and necessary, and learning to express it honestly changed Henry's entire family dynamic
• Forgiving your own father before you become a father may be the single most powerful thing you can do
• Overcorrecting away from your parents' style can create its own set of problems — resilience requires some rough edges
• Coming from two very different cultural and religious backgrounds creates both conflict and extraordinary perspective
• The "strict father / nurturing mother" archetypes are deeper than we think — and when one partner shifts, the other often follows
• Seeing your child as frozen in a negative state of being actually generates that state — the way you see your child shapes who they become
• Unconditional love isn't just a feeling, it's a way of seeing — and it may be the most important gift a parent can give
• Being openly a work in progress in front of your kids gives them permission to be one too
• The goal isn't to raise perfect kids — it's to model the kind of growth they'll carry for the rest of their live

If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to [email protected].

Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/

• (00:00) - – Opening: parents are always growing

What if the best thing you can do for your kids is get out of their way?

Tony sits down with Mike Mendelson — a former high school teacher, devoted co-parent, and self-described "great dad" — for a wide-ranging conversation about raising capable, independent kids. Mike shares how teaching shaped his parenting philosophy, why the word "yet" is a game-changer, and what it really looks like to co-parent with purpose. From a near-miss mountain adventure to gut-punch moments with his son, Mike opens up about the wins, the mistakes, and the mindset shifts that have made him a better father.

Key Takeaways:

• The "growth mindset" (Carol Dweck's work) is one of the most powerful frameworks a dad can bring home from the classroom
• The word "yet" reframes limitation as a temporary state — and it changes everything for kids
• Co-parenting well requires treating the other parent as a business partner with a shared mission: the kids' wellbeing
• Having solo parenting time creates a kind of focused "full-on dad mode" that's hard to replicate otherwise
• A less risk-tolerant partner provides real safety value — autonomy in parenting has a trade-off
• "Parenting for independence" — modeled by Mike's own father — is about asking "how will you do this when I'm not here?"
• Wait time is a tactical, teachable skill: ask a question, be silent, and let the kid find the answer
• Breaking generational patterns starts with noticing the unconscious ones — like pushing a child past what's age-appropriate
• Confidence in your own way of dadding matters — no one else dads exactly like you

If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to [email protected].

Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/

• (00:00) - – Intro & cold open

He had twins at 23, no money, and no idea what he was doing…

Jeff Speer has been Tony's friend for 15 years, and this episode is one of the most honest, candid conversations The Dad Manual has had yet. Jeff opens up about becoming a father to twins right out of college during a recession, navigating the friction of two people with different upbringings raising kids together, and what it actually takes to build trust with your children over a lifetime. This is a fatherhood podcast conversation for any dad who's ever had to apologize and mean it.

Key Takeaways:

• Every kid is different — even identical twins need to be parented as individuals
• Leaning on your partner's strengths isn't weakness; it's smart parenting
• Being emotionally transparent with your kids models accountability
• The goal is to raise kids who act for themselves, not for your approval
• Conflict with your kids often reveals more about you than it does about them
• "Effective communicator" and "good talker" are not the same thing
• Letting go of control is a skill that takes years to develop
• Apologizing to your kids — and meaning it — matters more than pretending you're perfect
• Working hard and staying content are not opposites; Jeff's early years are proof
• Your relationship with your partner is the foundation everything else is built on

If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to [email protected].

Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/

You can be physically present every single day — and still miss everything that matters.

Evan Miller is a husband, father of two, and someone who's learned the hard way that showing up isn't enough — you have to actually be there. In this conversation, Tony and Evan explore the difference between attendance and presence, navigating stepfatherhood, raising kids who can handle real conversations, and how sobriety transformed Evan's relationship with his family. Evan also unpacks a jaw-dropping family origin story involving a 23andMe test, a baseball player, and a secret that stayed buried for four decades.

Key Takeaways:

1. Presence and attendance are two completely different things — and your kids know the difference.
2. Stepparenting adds layers of complexity that two-parent households don't face — respect that reality.
3. Nature plays a massive role in who your children become, regardless of your parenting environment.
4. Unwavering love and support doesn't mean accepting bad behavior — it means the two are never confused.
5. Treating your kids like capable human beings, not fragile children, builds confident, articulate adults.
6. Alcohol and other disconnectors rob you of time you can't get back — even when you're in the room.
7. Patience isn't a natural gift — it's a skill you develop, and physical exercise helps more than you think.
8. Letting kids experience failure, discomfort, and hard conversations is part of the job.
9. Your kids don't need to be shielded from the world — they need to be prepared for it.
10. The way you model ambition, activity, and a full life is one of the most powerful parenting tools you have.

If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to [email protected].

Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/

What happens when a dad hits rock bottom — and chooses to rebuild himself for his kids?

Mike Knittel has lived through addiction, CPS intervention, family breakdown, and a long road to sobriety — and he's come out the other side as a father his kids actually call when they need help. In this raw and honest conversation, Mike shares the moments that broke him, the choices that rebuilt him, and the lessons every dad can take away regardless of where they are in their journey.

Key Takeaways:

• Sobriety fundamentally changed Mike's ability to be present — and presence matters more than perfection
• Kids are far more resilient than we give them credit for, but genuine apologies require open hands, not closed fists
• Self-forgiveness is the hardest work of all — and the most necessary
• Your kids don't need a perfect father. They need a real one
• Modelling vulnerability teaches your children it's safe to be vulnerable too
• Nature vs. nurture: Mike lands firmly on the side of nurture — how you show up matters
• The four pillars that supported Mike's recovery: community, faith, books, and radical honesty
• Parenting from anger never works — learning to step away is a skill worth developing
• The goal isn't just that your kids survive your parenting — it's that they choose to call you when they're hurting
• Sit on the floor. Play make-believe. Never underestimate imagination and Nerf guns.

This is one of those conversations that will stick with you — whether you're a new dad podcast listener discovering this show for the first time or a veteran father still doing the inner work.

If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to [email protected].

Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/

• (00:00) - Introduction & episode preview

Your kid isn't just testing your patience — they're revealing everything you still need to heal.

Shane Metcalf is a father who made a decision most dads never do: to do the deep inner work before the hard moments arrived. His daughter Ava is almost six, and Shane hasn't yelled at her once. Not because she's an easy kid — she's strong-willed, irrational, and negotiates like a seasoned attorney — but because Shane made an internal decision rooted in years of personal growth, therapy, and a clear-eyed look at the cycles he wanted to break.

In this conversation with host Tony Cooper, Shane opens up about growing up in a household full of verbal anger, what it took to consciously choose a different path, and how co-parenting after divorce can actually become one of the most powerful gifts you give your child. He shares the thought experiments he uses when frustration peaks, the philosophy behind gentle-but-boundaried parenting, and why roughhousing with your daughter matters just as much as with your son.

This is an honest, raw, and deeply practical conversation for any dad serious about showing up differently.

Key Takeaways:

1. The relationship you build with your child now — at 5 or 6 — directly shapes the trust they'll have in you at 16 and 36.
2. Your child's triggers are a mirror for your own unhealed wounds. That's the gift, not the inconvenience.
3. Yelling doesn't work. The Inuit understood it — when you raise your voice, kids stop listening and stop trusting.
4. Breaking generational cycles is one of the greatest things a father can do. Shane's dad broke physical abuse. Shane broke verbal anger.
5. Co-parenting done right — with shared values and mutual respect — can be one of the most functional family structures available.
6. Use the "last day" thought experiment: imagine this is your final day with your child, and watch how fast the frustration dissolves.
7. The "love bank" concept applies to your relationship with your partner just as much as with your kids — make more deposits than withdrawals.
8. Seven-year cycles shape child development. The next phase (7–14) is emotional — prepare for it intentionally.
9. Nature matters, but nurture is where you have power: attachment, physical play, repair, and actually listening to big feelings.
10. Roughhouse with your kids — boys and girls. Physical play is foundational for embodiment and connection.

If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to [email protected].

Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/

• (00:00) - Shane's opening moment of fatherhood

What does it look like to become a father through the windshield — not the rearview mirror?

Tony Cooper sits down with Brad Barnes, a transformational trainer and dad-to-be at 12 weeks, for a conversation unlike any other on this fatherhood podcast. Brad shares the raw, unfiltered experience of stepping into fatherhood for the second time — carrying the grief of a pregnancy loss, the wisdom of a decade of personal growth, and a fierce commitment to showing up differently. This is fatherhood in real time, not in hindsight.

Key Takeaways:

• Choosing your partner is also choosing to become a dad — and that decision carries enormous weight
• Grief from pregnancy loss doesn't fully "heal," but it can become a source of meaning and forward motion
• The gap between who you are today and who you need to be as a father is something you can close — intentionally
• At 24, Brad exploded his life overnight when he found out he was going to be a dad. At 33, nothing needed to change. That's what a decade of inner work looks like.
• Generational patterns can't all be interrupted consciously — but the tools you carry into parenthood matter more than perfection
• The ego gets tested like nowhere else in fatherhood. Brad is already feeling it during his wife's pregnancy.
• "Better than my dad" is a ceiling, not a destination. Real growth means crafting the father you are meant to be.
• Vulnerability with your partner — especially about your fears around fatherhood — can open unexpected doors
• Giving yourself permission to fall, ask for support, and be a mess is not weakness. It's the foundation of conscious parenting.
• Fatherhood is the number one course on the planet. There's no way to do it right — and no way to not fail. That's the gift.

If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to [email protected].

Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/

• (00:00) - Brad's story begins

Tony Cooper sits down with friend and fellow dad Aaron Pava for a deeply personal conversation about the fatherhood he inherited and the father he's working to become. From growing up between a strict stepfather and a hands-off biological dad — with no clear middle way — to proudly identifying as a girl dad, Tony reflects with honesty and vulnerability on the patterns that shaped him and the practices that continue to sharpen him. This is The Dad Manual getting real about the man behind the mic.

Key Takeaways:

1. Growing up with two extreme parenting models — one overly strict, one completely hands-off — can leave you without a template for the middle way.
2. Being a girl dad carries a specific responsibility: modeling what integrity and uprightness look like for young women navigating the world.
3. Anger in parenting often has deep roots — knowing where it comes from is the first step toward managing it.
4. Men's groups that do real, honest, challenging work are one of the most powerful tools available to fathers seeking to grow.
5. The family dinner table, when it's consistent, becomes one of the most underrated rituals in a child's sense of security.
6. Kids don't always need your attention on them — watching parents work together toward something meaningful is its own powerful form of modeling.
7. Regret can be reframed: time spent building something alongside your children, even when the focus isn't on them, has lasting value.
8. Direct, vulnerable conversations with your kids about how your behavior affects them are rare and important — and often overdue.
9. Personal growth work — workshops, transformational courses, self-reflection — compounds directly into better parenting over time.
10. The patterns we inherit aren't destiny. Awareness, community, and consistent small rituals are how we write new ones.

If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to [email protected].

Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/

Breaking cycles and building bonds across two families and thirty years.

Paul Crawford raised four children across two marriages and now brings grandfather wisdom to modern parenting challenges. From becoming a father at 29 while in grad school to navigating divorce, strained relationships, and ultimately reconnecting with his adult children, Paul shares raw insights about intergenerational trauma and conscious healing. This parenting podcast explores attachment theory, the critical importance of unconditional love, and how sometimes the best thing you can do for your kids is work on your relationship with your partner. Whether you're a new dad or navigating complex family dynamics, Paul's journey offers perspective on breaking bad patterns and passing on the good.

Key Takeaways:

• Intergenerational trauma works itself out through you as a parent
• The first two years establish whether children trust their caregivers
• Working on your partnership is one of the best things you can do for your kids
• Grandparenting offers a second chance to apply hard-won wisdom
• Breaking cycles requires awareness of both good and bad impulses
• Allowing kids to fail teaches resilience and problem-solving
• Reconnection with estranged children is possible through patience
• Managing emotions during conflict creates better outcomes than winning arguments
• The biological bond with grandchildren is powerful and immediate
• New fathers should embrace good impulses while staying aware of inherited trauma

If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to [email protected]

Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/

• (00:00) - Introduction and Paul's background

Parenting doesn't follow a script, and sometimes life throws you every curveball imaginable.

Danny Cooper shares his raw, honest journey of raising his child Sari while navigating his wife Emily's decade-long battle with breast cancer that began when Sari was just three months old. From aggressive chemotherapy and stem cell transplants to ultimately losing Emily when Sari was 10, Danny had to step into both parental roles while dealing with his own grief. Years later, Sari came out as transgender, transitioning from female to male at age 26. Danny opens up about the emotional complexity of celebrating his child's happiness while grieving the daughter he thought he had, and what it means to reprogram yourself as a father when your child's identity shifts. This conversation explores resilience, unconditional love, and showing up for your kids no matter what life brings.

Key Takeaways:

• How to be present for your child during a partner's terminal illness
• Balancing work demands with being there for critical family moments
• Teaching kids self-reliance while providing unwavering support
• Processing grief as a parent while keeping your child stable
• Supporting a child through gender transition as an adult
• The psychological process of accepting your child's new identity
• Creating safety and unconditional love in single parenting
• Instilling values like empathy, work ethic, and kindness through adversity
• Why being hands-on from birth matters for long-term connection
• Choosing your child over work when it truly matters

If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to [email protected].

Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/

• (00:00) - - Introduction