We're Dating the Same Guy

EP 29: Dating After Trauma: Setting Boundaries & Reclaiming Your Self-Worth


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What if the endless healing work you're doing is actually keeping you stuck? In this raw and transformative conversation, sexual liberation coach Sammy Schultz shares her journey from numbing sexual trauma with alcohol to becoming the strong woman she needed growing up—and how that completely changed the way she dates.


EPISODE TIMELINE:

  • 00:00 - Introduction & Welcome
  • 03:11 - Sammy's Background & Journey Begins
  • 06:22 - From Sexual Trauma to Sexual Liberation
  • 10:56 - Why YouTube Tried to Censor Her Content
  • 13:41 - Getting Stuck in Healing Mode
  • 17:31 - The Pattern of "If I Were More Healed, I'd Be Worthy"
  • 21:26 - Why Healing Work Didn't Change Sammy's Dating Life
  • 24:51 - Shifting from "I'm Broken" to "I'm Whole"
  • 28:21 - The Intention Behind Healing vs. Living
  • 31:46 - Becoming the Woman You Needed Growing Up
  • 35:31 - From Auditioning to Being the Chooser
  • 39:26 - Centering Yourself Instead of Begging the Universe
  • 43:01 - How Sexual Trauma Impacts Dating & Relationships
  • 47:36 - Breaking Generational Trauma Cycles
  • 51:21 - Recognizing What True Safety Actually Feels Like
  • 54:56 - Dating from Your Inner Mama Bear (Not Your Inner Little Girl)
  • 57:41 - How to Feel Safe Speaking What You Want
  • 1:00:31 - Worshiping the "Bitchy" Version of Yourself
  • 1:02:26 - Final Advice: Be the Center of Your Own Universe


IN THIS EPISODE WE EXPLORE:

  • Why years of healing work doesn't always translate to better dating experiences
  • How to shift from auditioning for love to becoming the chooser
  • Setting powerful boundaries without fear of being perceived as "too much"
  • Dating from your inner mama bear instead of your wounded inner child
  • The complete dating rulebook that changed everything


"Instead of begging an external universe to give you what only you can give you, you have to become the center of your universe. You become the universe and you give it to yourself. You stop asking for things and you just give it to yourself. Rather than going out and being like 'maybe someone will choose me,' it's 'let me see if this place, this person, is amazing enough for me.'"

- Sammy Schultz


CONNECT WITH SAMMY:

Sammy Schultz is a sexual liberation coach who helps women become the strong woman they needed when they were growing up. After spending years numbing sexual trauma with alcohol and facing a life-threatening health experience, Sammy got sober and began her healing journey—which eventually evolved into teaching women how to stop healing and start living.

Ten years ago, Sammy started a YouTube channel to share her journey of sexual healing, even after the platform threatened to delete her content. Since then, she's helped countless women transform their relationship with their bodies, their sensuality, and their worthiness in love and money. Sammy specializes in combining neuroscience and sensuality to help women break free from people-pleasing patterns, set powerful boundaries, and date from a place of wholeness rather than fixing themselves.

Her approach is bold, unapologetic, and refreshingly honest—teaching women that the "bitchy," "demanding" version of themselves isn't something to apologize for, but something to worship.

Sammy's Instagram: @sammybelove


CONNECT WITH MADDEN:

Madden's Instagram: @maddenzappa


IMPORTANT PODCAST LINKS:

Submit YOUR dating stories and questions: Date Differently Diaries (completely anonymous

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We're Dating the Same GuyBy Madden Zappa