We're Dating the Same Guy

If you've ever cancelled a date because of how you felt in your body that day — this episode is for you.

Body image and eating disorders don't stay in the kitchen or the gym. They follow us onto the dating app, into the first date, into the bedroom, and into the moments when we finally start to let someone in. And yet, this is a topic that almost never gets talked about in dating spaces.

Madden opens up about her own decade-long experience navigating an eating disorder alongside dating — the restriction before dates, the hypervigilance at dinner, the way her ED behaviors flared up when her anxiety did — and invites therapist and eating disorder specialist Zeynep Demirelli to unpack what's actually going on beneath the surface.

This is not a clinical episode. It's a real, raw, deeply human conversation about shame, attachment, and the longing to be loved exactly as you are.

WHAT YOU'LL LEARN:

• The difference between body image and eating disorders (and why it matters)
• Why eating disorders are really about attachment and fear of abandonment — not vanity
• When and how to tell a partner about your eating disorder
• How a breakup hits differently when you have an ED — and what your inner critic does with it
• How eating disorders show up in men (and why we miss it)
• Why healing doesn't have to happen before love — it often happens inside it

"Eating disorders have nothing to do with vanity. It's all about shame, attachment, and safety — or the lack of it. For people with eating disorders and severe body image disturbances, their relationship with their body is deeply tied to their sense of worth and their fear of abandonment. Dating doesn't create this fear. It activates it."
- Zeynep Demirelli

CONNECT WITH ZEYNEP DEMIRELLI:

Zeynep is a therapist specializing in eating disorders, body image, and food struggles. Drawn to this work through her own teenage experience with an eating disorder, she brings both clinical expertise and genuine lived understanding to the conversation.

Zeynep's Instagram: @realistic.body.therapist

Zeynep's Substack

CONNECT WITH YOUR HOST MADDEN ZAPPA:

Madden Zappa is a dating and relationship coach who helps people recognize and break the patterns that keep them dating the same person over and over again. Through her podcast "We're Dating the Same Guy," Madden combines vulnerable personal stories with practical frameworks to help listeners date smarter, healthier, and more intentionally. Her approach is refreshingly honest—she's willing to share her own uncomfortable truths and dating mistakes to help others avoid the same cycles. With expertise in attachment styles, dating psychology, and relationship patterns, Madden creates content that speaks to the late-night Google searches we're all too afraid to admit we're making.

Madden's Instagram: ⁠@maddenzappa⁠

STAY UP TO DATE WITH WE'RE DATING THE SAME GUY:

We NOW have an Instagram. Follow us over at ⁠@datedifferentlyco⁠

Submit YOUR dating stories and questions: ⁠Date Differently Diaries (completely anonymous)⁠

✨As always, we do not gatekeep how to date smarter. If this episode moved you or taught you something new, think it would be beneficial for others to hear, please take a moment to follow, leave a review, and SHARE! Pass this episode along to someone who would love it too or head on over Instagram to share the most recent episode.

You went on the date. You texted your friends. And immediately, every question was about him — did he like you, did he text, does he want a second date?

But here's what we almost never stop to ask: Did you even like him?

In this episode, Madden introduces a dating checklist that has nothing to do with his behavior — and everything to do with yours. Fresh off hosting her very first in-person dating event (the Love Lab!), Madden brings the energy of summer dating season with a framework that puts you back at the center of your own experience.

This checklist isn't about being pickier or playing games. It's about breaking the cycle of performing and auditioning your way through dates — and finally dating like someone whose experience actually matters.

WHAT YOU'LL LEARN:

• Why even the most self-aware daters default to outsourcing their experience — and how to catch yourself doing it in real time
• The subtle but important difference between performing and auditioning on a date (they overlap, but they're not the same thing)
• How to tell if you were actually present on a date or just managing the conversation
• Why your body language during a date is some of the most honest data you have — and how to start reading it
• The one question that should anchor every post-date debrief that almost none of us are asking
• How to use this 4-question checklist to keep yourself at the center of your own dating experience — not just this summer, but every date going forward

"This checklist exists for one reason: to put you back in the center of your own dating life."

- Madden Zappa

CONNECT WITH YOUR HOST MADDEN ZAPPA:

Madden Zappa is a dating and relationship coach who helps people recognize and break the patterns that keep them dating the same person over and over again. Through her podcast "We're Dating the Same Guy," Madden combines vulnerable personal stories with practical frameworks to help listeners date smarter, healthier, and more intentionally. Her approach is refreshingly honest—she's willing to share her own uncomfortable truths and dating mistakes to help others avoid the same cycles. With expertise in attachment styles, dating psychology, and relationship patterns, Madden creates content that speaks to the late-night Google searches we're all too afraid to admit we're making.

Madden's Instagram: ⁠@maddenzappa⁠

STAY UP TO DATE WITH WE'RE DATING THE SAME GUY:

We NOW have an Instagram. Follow us over at ⁠@datedifferentlyco⁠

Submit YOUR dating stories and questions: ⁠Date Differently Diaries (completely anonymous)⁠

✨As always, we do not gatekeep how to date smarter. If this episode moved you or taught you something new, think it would be beneficial for others to hear, please take a moment to follow, leave a review, and SHARE! Pass this episode along to someone who would love it too or head on over Instagram to share the most recent episode.

So many women are silently navigating pelvic pain, chronic BV, UTIs, and other symptoms — feeling embarrassed, dismissed by doctors, or completely disconnected from their own bodies. And what we don't talk about enough? How much this affects your confidence, your intimacy, and your relationship with yourself.

In this episode, Madden is joined by Dr. Sarah Oreck, a Columbia-trained reproductive psychiatrist and co-founder of Mavida Health, for one of the most validating and important conversations we've had on this show. Whether you're single, dating, in a relationship, or married — this one is for you.

WHAT YOU'LL LEARN:

• The real (and often ignored) women's health issues: BV, pelvic pain, vaginismus, vulvodynia, perimenopause, chronic UTIs
• What medical gaslighting actually does to your nervous system and your trust in relationships
• How pelvic health symptoms quietly erode your confidence and make you avoid intimacy
• Why you don't need to apologize — not to your doctor, not to your partner, not to anyone
• How to start rebuilding your connection with your body (and why your skincare routine counts)
• What emotionally supportive partners actually do (and what's a red flag)
• The importance of leading with curiosity

"The pelvis holds a lot. I actually think it's a place that stores a great deal of trauma and a great deal of anger. That's why the mental health piece is always so important to link with the physical. A lot of people are just running to OBs and urologists trying to figure it out — but mental health support in all of this is essential."— Dr. Sarah Oreck

CONNECT WITH DR. SARAH ORECK:

Dr. Sarah Oreck is a Columbia-trained reproductive psychiatrist with a practice focused on women's mental health across every life stage — from fertility and pregnancy to perimenopause and beyond. She is the co-founder of Mavida Health, a virtual mental health platform making specialized reproductive psychiatric care accessible and affordable. Mavita is currently serving patients in California, New York, New Jersey, and Texas, with rapid expansion underway.

Dr. Oreck's Instagram: @sarahoreckmd

Dr. Oreck's TikTok: @drsarahoreck

Mavida Health Instagram: @mavidahealth

Learn more about Mavida Health HERE

CONNECT WITH YOUR HOST MADDEN ZAPPA:

Madden Zappa is a dating and relationship coach who helps people recognize and break the patterns that keep them dating the same person over and over again. Through her podcast "We're Dating the Same Guy," Madden combines vulnerable personal stories with practical frameworks to help listeners date smarter, healthier, and more intentionally. Her approach is refreshingly honest—she's willing to share her own uncomfortable truths and dating mistakes to help others avoid the same cycles. With expertise in attachment styles, dating psychology, and relationship patterns, Madden creates content that speaks to the late-night Google searches we're all too afraid to admit we're making.

Madden's Instagram: ⁠@maddenzappa⁠

STAY UP TO DATE WITH WE'RE DATING THE SAME GUY:

We NOW have an Instagram. Follow us over at ⁠@datedifferentlyco⁠

Submit YOUR dating stories and questions: ⁠Date Differently Diaries (completely anonymous)⁠

✨As always, we do not gatekeep how to date smarter. If this episode moved you or taught you something new, think it would be beneficial for others to hear, please take a moment to follow, leave a review, and SHARE! Pass this episode along to someone who would love it too or head on over Instagram to share the most recent episode.

We have more ways than ever to meet people, communicate, and see how others are living their lives. And yet — research shows we're in the middle of a loneliness epidemic. More than 6 in 10 adults in the U.S. report feeling disconnected. So what's actually going on?

In this solo episode, Madden gets into three specific ways that living in a digital world is quietly wrecking how we date — and what you can actually do about it.

WHAT YOU'LL LEARN:

• Why constant texting early in dating creates a false sense of intimacy — and what real connection actually requires
• How your social media algorithm is secretly setting impossible relationship standards (and why we never see the messy middle)
• The truth about dating apps: they weren't designed to help you find love — they were designed to keep you on the app
• Why every swipe and match is really just an ego hit dressed up as dating
• Three practical things you can do right now to start dating with more presence and intention

"We are living in a time where we have more ways than ever to meet people and connect. And yet, research is showing time and time again that we're actually potentially the most disconnected generation. More than six out of 10 adults in the U.S. report feeling disconnected or lonely. That is not a coincidence. That is a pattern worth paying attention to."

- Madden Zappa

LOVE LAB & MORE:

• 🎟️  Love Lab LIVE Dating Event- Minneapolis, May 4th
• 📥 Free PDF Guide: The 9 Dating Personalities (deeper breakdown of every pattern)

CONNECT WITH MADDEN:

Madden Zappa is a dating and relationship coach who helps people recognize and break the patterns that keep them dating the same person over and over again. Through her podcast "We're Dating the Same Guy," Madden combines vulnerable personal stories with practical frameworks to help listeners date smarter, healthier, and more intentionally. Her approach is refreshingly honest—she's willing to share her own uncomfortable truths and dating mistakes to help others avoid the same cycles. With expertise in attachment styles, dating psychology, and relationship patterns, Madden creates content that speaks to the late-night Google searches we're all too afraid to admit we're making.

Madden's Instagram: ⁠@maddenzappa⁠

STAY UP TO DATE WITH WE'RE DATING THE SAME GUY:

We NOW have an Instagram. Follow us over at ⁠@datedifferentlyco⁠

Submit YOUR dating stories and questions: ⁠Date Differently Diaries (completely anonymous)⁠

✨As always, we do not gatekeep how to date smarter. If this episode moved you or taught you something new, think it would be beneficial for others to hear, please take a moment to follow, leave a review, and SHARE! Pass this episode along to someone who would love it too or head on over Instagram to share the most recent episode.

You've been on the dates. You've felt the spark — or you haven't. You've told yourself you have a "type." You've stayed friendly with your ex "just because." And you've done all of it while genuinely believing you're ready for a relationship.

But what if most of what you've been taught about dating is quietly working against you?

This week, Madden sat down with Alessandra Conti — Celebrity Matchmaker and co-founder of Matchmakers In The City in Beverly Hills to talk about the single biggest mistake daters make (going for chemistry instead of character), what a man's Instagram following actually tells you, and the real reason why men who are great at dating are usually terrible in relationships. Then we go fully off-script — into whether men and women can actually just be friends, and why staying in contact with your ex isn't harmless, it's self-sabotage.

This one is going to make you want to text your group chat immediately.

WHAT YOU'LL LEARN:

• Why chemistry-chasing is keeping you in the same loop — and the question Alessandra says to ask instead
• The one Instagram red flag that tells you a man isn't ready for a relationship
• Can men and women actually be just friends? (We have opinions.)
• Why staying friends with your ex is an avoidant attachment pattern — not just a personality trait
• Hyperindependence as a trauma response and how to start letting people in

"People are going for chemistry and not going for character. And this is where we are — welcome to 2026 and the wild, wild west of dating. It's not that chemistry doesn't matter. It's that character is the thing that sustains a relationship once the butterflies quiet down. And most people aren't vetting for character at all."

- Alessandra Conti

CONNECT WITH ALESSANDRA CONTI:

Alessandra Conti is a Celebrity Matchmaker and co-founder of Matchmakers In The City, a personal matchmaking firm based in Beverly Hills. She has served as the matchmaker for Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, NBC's Access Hollywood, TLC's My Big Fat Fabulous Life, and two seasons of MTV's Are You The One. Her advice has been featured in Forbes, The New York Times, The LA Times, and Fox News. Over nearly 14 years, Alessandra has worked with clients ranging from royalty to young professionals, leading a team of six matchmakers responsible for hundreds of marriages.

Alessandra's Instagram: @matchmakeralessandraconti

Matchmakers In The City: @matchmakersinthecity

Matchmakers In The City Website

LOVE LAB & MORE

• 🎟️ Love Lab Live Dating Event – Minneapolis, May 4th
• 📥 Free PDF Guide: The 9 Dating Personalities (deeper breakdown of every pattern)

CONNECT WITH YOUR HOST MADDEN ZAPPA:

Madden Zappa is a dating and relationship coach who helps people recognize and break the patterns that keep them dating the same person over and over again. Through her podcast "We're Dating the Same Guy," Madden combines vulnerable personal stories with practical frameworks to help listeners date smarter, healthier, and more intentionally. Her approach is refreshingly honest—she's willing to share her own uncomfortable truths and dating mistakes to help others avoid the same cycles. With expertise in attachment styles, dating psychology, and relationship patterns, Madden creates content that speaks to the late-night Google searches we're all too afraid to admit we're making.

Madden's Instagram: ⁠@maddenzappa⁠

STAY UP TO DATE WITH WE'RE DATING THE SAME GUY:

We NOW have an Instagram. Follow us over at ⁠@datedifferentlyco⁠

Submit YOUR dating stories and questions: ⁠Date Differently Diaries (completely anonymous)⁠

✨As always, we do not gatekeep how to date smarter. If this episode moved you or taught you something new, think it would be beneficial for others to hear, please take a moment to follow, leave a review, and SHARE! Pass this episode along to someone who would love it too or head on over Instagram to share the most recent episode.

Have you ever looked back at everyone you've dated and thought… wait, why does this keep happening? This week Madden breaks down something that's been living in her head for months — and honestly, it cracked something open for her in a really big way.

It started with a simple comment from her best friend: "He's totally your type." And she couldn't let it go. Because she's always said she doesn't have a type. But here's what she realized — it was never about her type. It was about her pattern.

In this solo episode, Madden walks you through 9 dating personalities she's identified from her own experience, her coaching practice, and the stories of so many women navigating dating. These aren't diagnoses. They're not labels. They're tools — for awareness, for self-understanding, and for finally starting to spot the behaviors that aren't serving you.

WHAT YOU'LL LEARN

• Why your "type" is actually your pattern in disguise
• The 9 dating personalities: The Saleswoman, The Chameleon, The Bargainer, The Detective, The Dreamer, The Runner, The Project Manager, The Performer, and The Affirmation Junkie
• The unique strength inside every single one of these patterns
• The one shift each personality can make to start showing up differently
• Why awareness alone isn't enough — and what comes next

"Awareness is everything. And also — awareness is just the first step. What you do with your awareness, that's where the change actually starts to take place. That's the work. So which one hit home for you? Because knowing your pattern is one thing. Choosing differently is another."

- Madden

RESOURCES MENTIONED

• 📥 FREE 9 Dating Personalities Guide (deeper breakdown of every pattern)
• 🎟️ Love Lab Live Dating Event – Minneapolis, May 4th [LIMITED SPOTS- BOOK BEFORE IT FILLS UP]
• 📲 Follow Madden on Instagram: @maddenzappa

CONNECT WITH MADDEN ZAPPA:

Madden Zappa is a dating and relationship coach who helps people recognize and break the patterns that keep them dating the same person over and over again. Through her podcast "We're Dating the Same Guy," Madden combines vulnerable personal stories with practical frameworks to help listeners date smarter, healthier, and more intentionally. Her approach is refreshingly honest—she's willing to share her own uncomfortable truths and dating mistakes to help others avoid the same cycles. With expertise in attachment styles, dating psychology, and relationship patterns, Madden creates content that speaks to the late-night Google searches we're all too afraid to admit we're making.

Madden's Instagram: ⁠@maddenzappa⁠

STAY UP TO DATE WITH WE'RE DATING THE SAME GUY:

We NOW have an Instagram. Follow us over at ⁠@datedifferentlyco⁠

Submit YOUR dating stories and questions: ⁠Date Differently Diaries (completely anonymous)⁠

✨As always, we do not gatekeep how to date smarter. If this episode moved you or taught you something new, think it would be beneficial for others to hear, please take a moment to follow, leave a review, and SHARE! Pass this episode along to someone who would love it too or head on over Instagram to share the most recent episode.

Welcome to Season 3 of We're Dating the Same Guy!

After a few weeks off, Madden had a lot of time to reflect on modern dating, how Madden's showing up as a host, and the things that have been genuinely driving her crazy lately in the dating space. And she's done keeping them in.

In this season premiere, she's getting real about three things she keeps seeing that are quietly sabotaging our dating lives and stories we're holding on to that are not serving us.

This episode isn't about blame. It's about awareness — the kind that actually leads somewhere. And it's a preview of exactly what Season 3 is about: going deeper, getting more honest, and having the conversations that aren't always comfortable but are absolutely necessary.

RESERVE YOUR SPACE FOR THE LOVE LAB

A never before seen LIVE dating event coming to Minneapolis on May 4! Spots are limited to 40 individuals. LEARN MORE AND BOOK YOUR TICKET HERE.

• Why "there are no good men out there" might be the most damaging thing you can say — and what it's actually doing to your dating energy and the culture around yoU
• The real reason meeting people organically isn't working (hint: it's not just bad luck)
• Why wanting a relationship and being ready for one are two very different things
• How to honestly assess whether you have the time, energy, and bandwidth to show up fully in a relationship right now
• What accountability in dating actually looks like — without letting anyone off the hook for bad behavior
• Why the most uncomfortable dating conversations are usually the most necessary ones

"Dating right now is a double-edged sword. You say you don't want to meet someone on the apps, that you want to meet people in the wild — but what actions are you actually taking for that to happen? And then when someone does approach you in public, so many people are turned off. Y'all, we can't have it both ways." 

- Madden

Madden Zappa is a dating and relationship coach who helps people recognize and break the patterns that keep them dating the same person over and over again. Through her podcast "We're Dating the Same Guy," Madden combines vulnerable personal stories with practical frameworks to help listeners date smarter, healthier, and more intentionally. Her approach is refreshingly honest—she's willing to share her own uncomfortable truths and dating mistakes to help others avoid the same cycles. With expertise in attachment styles, dating psychology, and relationship patterns, Madden creates content that speaks to the late-night Google searches we're all too afraid to admit we're making.

Madden's Instagram: ⁠@maddenzappa⁠

STAY UP TO DATE WITH WE'RE DATING THE SAME GUY:

We NOW have an Instagram. Follow us over at ⁠@datedifferentlyco⁠

Submit YOUR dating stories and questions: ⁠Date Differently Diaries (completely anonymous)⁠

✨As always, we do not gatekeep how to date smarter. If this episode moved you or taught you something new, think it would be beneficial for others to hear, please take a moment to follow, leave a review, and SHARE! Pass this episode along to someone who would love it too or head on over Instagram to share the most recent episode.

Have you ever left a date feeling butterflies and obsessive thoughts and assumed it meant real chemistry? What if that feeling wasn't chemistry at all — what if it was anxiety? Y'all, they can feel almost identical. And if you've been confusing the two your whole dating life, this episode is going to be a game-changer.

Madden breaks down the three key variables that are actually at play every time you start dating someone — anxiety, chemistry, and compatibility — and how understanding the difference between them can completely transform the way you date. She shares three personal stories from her own dating life that illustrate exactly what each of these dynamics looks and feels like in the real world: a connection that was pure chemistry (but zero compatibility), a man who was everything on paper (but the attraction just wasn't there), and what it actually feels like to finally build something from a stable, secure place.

WHAT YOU'LL LEARN:

• Why chemistry and anxiety feel so similar — especially for anxious attachers
• How to check in with your body after a date to assess what you're actually feeling
• The three variables (anxiety, chemistry, compatibility) and how they can show up in every combination
• What the "holy grail" combination actually feels like — and why it might seem boring at first
• Why chemistry can get you hooked, but compatibility is what keeps you together
• What happens in your body when anxiety is fading vs. when chemistry is fading
• Why healthy love can feel uncomfortable if you're used to chaos

"If it's not a hell yes, it's a no. Every single person deserves to date someone that when asked that question, it's a hell yes."

- Madden Zappa

CONNECT WITH YOUR HOST MADDEN ZAPPA:

Madden Zappa is a dating and relationship coach who helps people recognize and break the patterns that keep them dating the same person over and over again. Through her podcast "We're Dating the Same Guy," Madden combines vulnerable personal stories with practical frameworks to help listeners date smarter, healthier, and more intentionally. Her approach is refreshingly honest—she's willing to share her own uncomfortable truths and dating mistakes to 

help others avoid the same cycles. With expertise in attachment styles, dating psychology, and relationship patterns, Madden creates content that speaks to the late-night Google searches we're all too afraid to admit we're making.

Madden's Instagram: ⁠@maddenzappa⁠

STAY UP TO DATE WITH WE'RE DATING THE SAME GUY:

We NOW have an Instagram. Follow us over at ⁠@datedifferentlyco⁠

Submit YOUR dating stories and questions: ⁠Date Differently Diaries (completely anonymous)⁠

✨As always, we do not gatekeep how to date smarter. If this episode moved you or taught you something new, think it would be beneficial for others to hear, please take a moment to follow, leave a review, and SHARE! Pass this episode along to someone who would love it too or head on over Instagram to share the most recent episode.

Are you an ambitious woman who's been told you're "too much"? Or have you bought into the idea that you need to choose between crushing it in your career and having a fulfilling relationship? This conversation with Angie Lee is going to completely shift how you think about ambition, feminine energy, and what it really means to build a life you love.

Angie is a college dropout turned multi-million dollar entrepreneur, keynote speaker, and content creator who's been in the game for over 15 years. We're diving deep into how ambition shows up differently in business versus relationships, why the soft girl era is actually hurting women, and how to navigate masculine and feminine energy without losing yourself in the process.

If you've ever felt like you had to dim your drive to be loved, questioned whether you can "have it all," or wondered why your relationship feels like work when your career feels easy (or vice versa), this episode is for you. Angie shares the uncomfortable truth about what happened when she tried to stop working completely, how her partner literally told her "this won't work unless you get back to your work," and why Disney sold us a lie that's still messing with our relationships today.

WHAT YOU'LL LEARN:

• The false choice between girl boss and trad wife—and why the answer is neither
• How creative suppression is killing women's mental health and relationships
• Why men need respect more than love (and what that actually means)
• The princess complex and how it's secretly disrespecting your partner
• What women actually want: optionality and work they love, not to do nothing
• How to shift between masculine energy in business and feminine energy in relationships
• The most attractive thing about a woman (hint: it's not what you think)
• Why your relationship struggles might mirror your business struggles

"Your relationship is the foundation of your life. When we aren't doing well, it is harder for me to show up. And vice versa, when you're in such a great season of your relationship, you can take that fuel and it enhances whatever you're doing."

- Angie Lee

CONNECT WITH ANGIE LEE:

Angie Lee is a college and corporate dropout who built multiple seven- and eight-figure brands without following anyone else's blueprint. At 19, she started a health and wellness blog that eventually exploded into a full content creation career spanning 15+ years. She's the co-founder of Soul gummies (a health and wellness brand), a powerhouse keynote speaker, podcaster, and social media expert who's mastered the art of being unapologetically herself online.

Angie Lee's Instagram: @angieleeshow

Angie's Website

CONNECT WITH YOUR HOST MADDEN ZAPPA:

Madden Zappa is a dating and relationship coach who helps people recognize and break the patterns that keep them dating the same person over and over again. Through her podcast "We're Dating the Same Guy," Madden combines vulnerable personal stories with practical frameworks to help listeners date smarter, healthier, and more intentionally. Her approach is refreshingly honest—she's willing to share her own uncomfortable truths and dating mistakes to help others avoid the same cycles. With expertise in attachment styles, dating psychology, and relationship patterns, Madden creates content that speaks to the late-night Google searches we're all too afraid to admit we're making.

Madden's Instagram: ⁠@maddenzappa⁠

STAY UP TO DATE WITH WE'RE DATING THE SAME GUY:

We NOW have an Instagram. Follow us over at ⁠@datedifferentlyco⁠

Submit YOUR dating stories and questions: ⁠Date Differently Diaries (completely anonymous)⁠

✨As always, we do not gatekeep how to date smarter. If this episode moved you or taught you something new, think it would be beneficial for others to hear, please take a moment to follow, leave a review, and SHARE! Pass this episode along to someone who would love it too or head on over Instagram to share the most recent episode.

This Valentine's Day, you don't need another article telling you how to cope with being single. You don't need tips for surviving the day or substitutes for what you actually want. In this solo episode, host Madden challenges the three dominant narratives around Valentine's Day—the "you don't need anyone" approach, the "here's how to get through it" mindset, and the "celebrate with friends instead" substitute—and offers something deeper: three questions that will help you understand what you truly want and where you're wanting from.

Drawing from personal experience including a past relationship where she felt profoundly lonely despite being partnered, Madden shares the powerful moon phases tattoo story that reminds her she's always whole, even when she doesn't feel complete. She explores the critical difference between wanting love to fill an emptiness versus wanting love as a container to share your wholeness with, and why both truths can exist simultaneously: you can deeply crave love AND know you are complete.

This episode is for anyone—single, partnered, or somewhere in between—who's tired of surface-level Valentine's Day advice and ready to get honest about desire, wholeness, and what authentic love actually feels like.

WHAT YOU'LL LEARN:

• Why the three common Valentine's Day approaches all miss the point
• The difference between wanting love from emptiness versus wanting from fullness
• How to recognize whether you're accepting substitutes for what you truly crave
• A powerful practice of writing a love letter from your future self
• Why you can want partnership and feel complete at the exact same time

"Wholeness, being complete, isn't about not wanting anything. It's about wanting from a full place instead of an empty one. That's the shift that changes everything in how you date."

- Madden Zappa

CONNECT WITH YOUR HOST MADDEN ZAPPA:

Madden Zappa is a dating and relationship coach who helps people recognize and break the patterns that keep them dating the same person over and over again. Through her podcast "We're Dating the Same Guy," Madden combines vulnerable personal stories with practical frameworks to help listeners date smarter, healthier, and more intentionally. Her approach is refreshingly honest—she's willing to share her own uncomfortable truths and dating mistakes to help others avoid the same cycles. With expertise in attachment styles, dating psychology, and relationship patterns, Madden creates content that speaks to the late-night Google searches we're all too afraid to admit we're making.

Madden's Instagram: ⁠@maddenzappa⁠

STAY UP TO DATE WITH WE'RE DATING THE SAME GUY:

We NOW have an Instagram. Follow us over at ⁠@datedifferentlyco⁠

Submit YOUR dating stories and questions: ⁠Date Differently Diaries (completely anonymous)⁠

✨As always, we do not gatekeep how to date smarter. If this episode moved you or taught you something new, think it would be beneficial for others to hear, please take a moment to follow, leave a review, and SHARE! Pass this episode along to someone who would love it too or head on over Instagram to share the most recent episode.