We're Dating the Same Guy

Tired of dating the same type of guys over and over? Your mindset might be the problem. In this episode, we dive deep into how the law of attraction shapes your dating life and explore the 4 toxic beliefs that keep you stuck in negative dating patterns.

EPISODE TIMELINE:

• 00:00 - Intro: Why We Keep Dating the Same Guy
• 01:45 - The Law of Attraction SparkNotes: Like Attracts Like
• 03:30 - The Infinity Loop: How to Manifest Without Obsessing
• 06:00 - The Helicopter Parent Analogy: Why Control Kills Manifestation
• 08:15 - The 99% vs 1% Rule: What You Actually Control in Dating
• 10:30 - Belief #1: "There Are No Good Men Left"
• 12:45 - Belief #2: Love Must Happen on a Certain Timeline
• 15:00 - Belief #3: "I'm Better Off Single Than Getting Hurt"
• 17:30 - Belief #4: "If I Take a Break, I'll Miss My Chance"
• 20:00 - Your Energy is Everything: Dating from Excitement vs Frustration
• 22:30 - Challenge: Rewriting Your Limiting Beliefs

IN THIS EPISODE WE EXPLORE:

• How your energy directly attracts (or repels) your ideal partner
• The infinity loop technique for manifesting love without desperation
• 4 subconscious beliefs that sabotage your dating success
• Why surrendering control actually makes you more magnetic
• How to shift from dating with fear to dating with excitement

"We spent so much of our time trying to control things that are truly out of our hands: the timeline, the who, the how. When really our only job is to be in alignment and embody the best version of ourselves. 99% of our lives are really up to God, universe, source, whatever it is you believe in. We are only in charge of 1%."

- Madden

STAY CONNECTED WITH MADDEN:

Madden's Instagram: @maddenzappa

✨If you loved this episode, don't forget to subscribe and leave a review! And remember, we do not gatekeep when it comes to dating smarter so be sure to share it with a friend!

Why do you keep attracting the same type of partner? Why do you get triggered by things that shouldn't logically bother you? Why can you understand your patterns cognitively but still repeat them?

In this deeply transformative conversation, trauma-informed coach Jakob reveals why your body holds the answers that your mind can't access. This isn't just another therapy approach - it's a complete paradigm shift in how we heal relationship patterns.

EPISODE TIMELINE:

• 00:00 - Why we repeat the same relationship patterns
• 12:20 - What somatic healing actually is (and why it works faster than therapy)
• 22:15 - The difference between earning love vs. receiving love
• 31:45 - How to take responsibility without playing victim
• 39:30 - 3 ways to start somatic healing at home
• 46:20 - What's possible when you heal your nervous system

IN THIS EPISODE WE EXPLORE:

• Your body holds trauma that talk therapy can't reach
• Taking responsibility = freedom (not blame)
• Love addiction keeps you dating the same patterns
• Somatic healing helps you respond vs. react in relationships

"Most of us weren't loved for being - we were loved for doing, for performing, for pleasing. So in our nervous system, it gets ingrained that if I'm a good boy, if I'm a good girl, then I get love. Then we pick partners that trigger that same performative dance."

- Jakob Gricar

CONNECT WITH JAKOB:

Jakob Gricar is a trauma-informed transformational coach who blends more than a decade of mastery in somatic work, internal family systems, ontological coaching, NLP, CBT, breathwork, polyvagal theory, and indigenous ceremony to catalyze profound inner change. From high-impact entrepreneurs navigating million-dollar decisions to purpose-driven creatives taking their very first steps in business, he guides clients to  create a capacity in their nervous systems to handle all of life, dismantle limiting identities, and remember the unshakable truth beneath the noise. Jakob’s sessions are an alchemy of precise nervous-system science as taught to him directly by pioneers in somatics, mix of modalities from CBT, IFS, NLP and more to fierce ontological accountability.

His own journey began at 13, when healing a chronic illness through relentless spiritual disciplines proved that the body can be a doorway to the miraculous. That spark ignited years of radical exploration: seasons of homelessness that forged unfiltered humility; near-death initiations that clarified what truly matters; yogic study in India’s ashrams; and deep plant-medicine studies with Shipibo, Mestizo, Yawanawa and Huni Kuin medicine keepers in the Amazon rainforest. Along the way, he built a retreat center in Guatemala and co-created a conscious community and event space in Mexico, while learning from Judith Johnso, a 83 year old pioneer in somatic work. 

Today Jakob collaborates with world-renowned coaches, and facilitates in their online and in person containers, mentors other business leaders, and guides deep in-person experiences through Vortex Retreats and co-runs a high-touch online coaching program for women. 

https://jakobgricar.com/ 

This powerful episode with Dr. Linnea Swanson, MFT and brain spotting trainer, explores how trauma becomes encoded in our nervous system and unconsciously guides our relationship choices. Learn why that "spark" might actually be a warning sign, how generational trauma impacts dating patterns, and practical strategies to rewire your brain for healthier relationships. Essential listening for anyone wondering why they keep attracting the same type of partner despite wanting something different.

EPISODE TIMELINE

• 00:00 - Introduction to Dr. Linnea and her work
• 04:36 - Understanding trauma and its impact on relationships
• 09:12 - How the limbic system affects dating choices
• 14:47 - The unconscious pull toward familiar relationship dynamics
• 19:42 - Generational trauma and its hidden influence
• 24:30 - Why the "spark" might signal danger, not compatibility
• 28:15 - Breaking trauma patterns and dating differently
• 32:08 - Final advice for healthier relationship choices

IN THIS EPISODE WE EXPLORE

• How trauma gets encoded in your brain and body, creating unconscious relationship patterns
• Why perpetrators and victims continue to find each other, even in a room of 100 people
• The truth about "chemistry" and why that initial spark might be your trauma recognizing something familiar
• Practical strategies to slow down, balance emotions with logic, and build relationships that grow rather than ignite

"Trauma, essentially, the core of it is that it's an experience that a person has that completely overwhelms their system. And our brain's number one job is to keep us alive. So what happens during a traumatic experience is that there's some threat to the person. Maybe it's not actually to their life, but maybe it's some deep emotional threat, some deep psychological threat, right? And so the brain has to mobilize and go into what I think a lot of people are often familiar with, either fleeing the situation, fighting, or freezing"

- Dr. Linnea Swanson

CONNECT WITH DR. LINNEA SWANSON

Linnea Swanson, Psy.D., M.A., LMFT (she/her/hers) is a Brainspotting Trainer and owner of Twinflower Psychological Services, LLC, located on the ancestral land of the Dakhóta people, now known as Minneapolis, MN. Dr. Swanson has been a therapist for over 20 years having worked in school, county, and private practice settings. She recently ended her 17 year teaching career as a professor in several different MFT graduate programs. She is currently in private practice and leads Brainspotting trainings in the U.S. and South Korea. Dr. Swanson’s clinical practice is focused on working with individuals, couples and families. Dr. Swanson has a particular interest in working with adult transracial, transnational adoptees, interracial couples and couples in CNM relationships.

More about Dr. Linnea Swanson and her private practice website: Twinflowerpsych.com

STAY CONNECT WITH MADDEN

Madden's Instagram: @maddenzappa

✨If you loved this episode, don't forget to subscribe and leave a review! And remember, we do not gatekeep when it comes to dating smarter so be sure to share it with a friend!

Madden is joined by Kelly Chase who was on Season 1 of Love Is Blind. While her dating life played out in front of the world, what most people don’t realize is the massive transformation and evolution Kelly has gone through since the show aired.

She’s built her own brand as a business and mindset coach, podcast host, and influencer— helping people find love, success, and money in a whole new way.

In this conversation, Kelly gets real honest about her journey — from dating on reality TV to dealing with “silly boys” and figuring out what it actually looks like to choose differently. Kelly shares how Love Is Blind brought a whole new awareness to her dating patterns — and how that turned into massive shifts in how she shows up now.

We also get into the sneaky patterns so many women repeat without even realizing it, and Kelly calls out some real truths about the lies we’ve been fed about love. There’s spice, there’s honesty, and there are definitely some truth bombs dropped along the way.

TIMELINE

• 00:00 : Introduction to Kelly Chase from Love is Blind Season 1

• 03:10 : Kelly shares her experience dating in the unique Love is Blind environment
• 08:45 : Discussion on vulnerability in dating and asking important questions early
• 13:20 : Lessons learned from having a public love life on reality TV
• 17:30 : Kelly's recurring dating patterns: people-pleasing and self-abandonment
• 21:15 : Taking responsibility and breaking unhealthy relationship cycles
• 24:30 : Can men and women be platonic friends? Kelly's perspective
• 28:45 : Kelly's journey into coaching and empowerment work
• 37:10 : The sneakiest pattern women get stuck in: falling for potential, not reality
• 42:30 : The biggest lies women believe about dating
• 47:50 : Finding fulfillment and breaking free from timelines
• 51:15 : What Kelly would tell her younger self
• 52:20 : Final advice on how to date differently

CONNECT WITH KELLY:

Kelly Chase is a business and mindset coach, podcast host, and influencer known for her appearance on Season 1 of Netflix's "Love is Blind." After the show, she underwent significant personal transformation, shifting from health coaching to business coaching. Kelly has built her brand helping people find love, success, and financial abundance while working through her own dating patterns and limiting beliefs.

Kelly's Instagram: @chaselifewithkelly

Chase Life with Kelly Podcast: @chaselifewithkellypodcast

Kelly's Website: https://www.chaselifewithkelly.com/

CONNECT WITH MADDEN:

Madden's Instagram: @maddenzappa

In this powerful solo episode, host Madden Zappa explores the complex emotions of being single, particularly in the aftermath of a breakup. She shares her personal journey of loving solitude while simultaneously experiencing post-breakup loneliness, highlighting the sometimes contradictory nature of singlehood.

Madden challenges society's view that singlehood is merely a waiting period or a problem to be solved, especially as we age. Instead, she reframes it as a purposeful opportunity to create an aligned and fulfilling life. The episode provides three actionable mindset shifts: identifying the true root of loneliness, reframing being alone as an opportunity, and creating an exciting life without waiting for a partner.

The core message emphasizes that when you build a life you're obsessed with while single, it transforms your approach to dating - you stop looking for someone to complete you and start choosing partners who enhance your already amazing life.

EPISODE TIMELINE:

• 00:00 - Introduction: The two sides of dating - relationship vs. singlehood
• 02:30 - The complexity of being single: empowerment vs. loneliness
• 04:15 - Madden's personal experience with loving singlehood
• 06:50 - Navigating post-breakup loneliness
• 09:30 - Misconceptions about being single as we age
• 11:45 - Differentiating between being lonely and being uncomfortable alone
• 13:20 - Shift #1: Identifying the root of your loneliness
• 15:10 - Shift #2: Reframing being alone as an opportunity
• 16:35 - Shift #3: Creating a life that excites you right now
• 18:40 - Final thoughts on empowered singlehood

IN THIS EPISODE WE EXPLORE:

• Framework for three mindset shifts to transform loneliness into empowerment
• Perspective on society's misconceptions about singlehood
• Guidance on creating a fulfilling life while single

"Being single is not a waiting period. It is not something that needs to be fixed. It's honestly a season of life that I think a lot more of us need to embrace. It's actually a beautiful opportunity to build a life that is so full and so rich and so deeply aligned with you that when the right person eventually comes along, they're simply adding to an already incredibly present life."

- Madden Zappa

MORE ABOUT YOUR HOST:

Madden Zappa is the authentic and insightful host of "We're Dating the Same Guy" podcast, which uncovers repetitive dating patterns and provides actionable guidance on breaking them. With knowledge in attachment styles, feminine/masculine energy dynamics, and relationship psychology, Madden combines personal vulnerability with strategic wisdom. Her conversational, warm approach creates an intimate listening experience as she shares her own dating experiences alongside expert advice. Madden's mission centers on empowering listeners to "Date Differently" - moving beyond autopilot behaviors to create intentional, fulfilling relationships that start with a strong connection to self. Through each episode, she equips her audience with the tools and mindset shifts needed to break cycles and transform their approach to love.

Madden's Instagram: @maddenzappa

✨ If you loved this episode, don't forget to subscribe and leave a review! And remember, we do not gatekeep when it comes to dating smarter so be sure to share it with a friend!

This episode explores the powerful and often misunderstood art of receiving. Receiving isn't passive but an active, intentional energy that can transform not just your dating life but every area of your existence.

EPISODE TIMELINE:

• 00:00 - Introduction and welcome

• 01:23 - Introducing Erin Nicole Porter and her expertise
• 03:48 - Defining the concept of receiving and self-abandonment
• 08:33 - How to start receiving from yourself
• 11:15 - Continuing self-to-self receiving even in relationships
• 12:05 - How we unintentionally block ourselves from receiving
• 16:00 - Receiving without feeling the need to reciprocate
• 18:45 - Expanding your capacity to receive over time
• 20:25 - Allowing good things to come to us
• 22:15 - Differentiating between breadcrumbs and healthy pacing
• 26:05 - Somatic practices to connect with your body
• 28:52 - Distinguishing between mind anxiety and body intuition

IN THIS EPISODE WE EXPLORE:

• The four levels of receiving: self to self, self to other, self to group, and self to source
• How self-abandonment and control patterns block our ability to receive love
• Why meeting your own needs first creates the foundation for receiving from others

• How to expand your capacity to hold more goodness in your life

• Somatic practices to help you tune into your body's wisdom

"Receiving isn't passive. It's a powerful, intentional, active energy. It's about opening, softening, and trusting. And it's one of the biggest shifts you can make if you want to experience deeper connection, intimacy, and self-worth."

- Erin Nicole Porter

CONNECT WITH ERIN:

Erin Nicole Porter is a business coach, somatic guide, subconscious reprogramming expert, and the founder of the Quantum Ripple Effect. Her work focuses on helping women expand their capacity to hold more love and abundance without burnout, forcing, or overgiving. Erin specializes in somatic-based coaching, understanding energy, trauma, and what's stored in the body. Through her own journey of healing from burnout, adrenal fatigue, and repetitive relationship patterns, she discovered how receiving plays a crucial role in what we attract in business, relationships, and life.

Erin's Instagram: @erinnicolecoaching

Erin's Website: www.erinnicolecoaching.com

Learn more about the Quantum Ripple Effect

STAY CONNECTED WITH MADDEN:

Madden's Instagram: @maddenzappa

✨If you loved this episode, don't forget to subscribe and leave a review! And remember, we do not gatekeep when it comes to dating smarter so be sure to share it with a friend!

This episode is an invitation to think outside of normative relationships and even potentially lead you to question what we've been taught about love, commitment, connection, and relationships

Polyamory and kink are often misunderstood or even stigmatized, but here’s the truth: the more we understand the spectrum of human desire, the more permission we give ourselves to date — and love — more authentically.

EPISODE TIMELINE

• 00:45 - Intro & expanding relationship perspectives
• 03:30 - Eric's background as a relationship therapist
• 05:20 - Demystifying kink and non-monogamy
• 08:45 - Defining consensual non-monogamy
• 11:30 - Understanding kink beyond stigma
• 14:15 - Developing self-agency in relationships
• 18:40 - Primary vs reactive emotions
• 24:30 - Communication pitfalls and solutions
• 29:15 - Navigating jealousy and insecurity
• 36:20 - Steps for exploring non-monogamy
• 42:00 - When partners disagree about non-monogamy
• 47:30 - Exploring kink safely
• 54:00 - Final advice: Interrogate your desires

IN THIS EPISODE WE EXPLORE

• How to develop self-agency in relationships - the key to all relationship success
• The crucial difference between primary and reactive emotions that transforms communication
• Why "interrogating yourself" is essential before exploring non-monogamy or kink
• How jealousy can become a pathway to growth rather than relationship destruction
• Essential resources for safe exploration of alternative relationship dynamics

RESOURCES MENTIONED:

• Hold Me Tight by Dr. Sue Johnson
• Polysecure by Jessica Fern

• The Ethical Slut by Janet Hardy
• Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski
• Bad Sex by Nona Willis Aronowitz

"It's through this self-interrogation that we learn about ourselves and then we can communicate that to others and then we suddenly are living a more satisfying life. I love this topic, again, not because I feel like the way of the future is kink or the way of the future is non-monogamy or polyamory, but because it is crucial in all of our lives, I believe, that we look into things that society might have said, no, don't look in this box or don't look in this box."

- Eric Fawcett

CONNECT WITH ERIC

Eric Fawcett is a licensed Marriage & Family Therapist specializing in helping intimate partnerships effectively navigate concerns ranging from communication, to sexuality, to trust ruptures, and beyond. Before pursuing his MFT degree, Fawcett spent three decades as a recording artist, as a creative entrepreneur, and as a published writer and speaker addressing the relational joys and challenges of the collaborative process.

Fawcett has long believed that the training that relational therapists receive prepares them to work with people-systems far beyond couples and families. In his private practice — Attune Relational Wellness — Eric also works with organizations seeking to increase trust and cohesion among its members. Eric is an enthusiastically affirmative LGBTQIA+ and BIPOC ally and advocate, and welcomes clients regardless of faith tradition or socio-political viewpoint.

More about Eric at his private practice website: www.attunerelational.com

STAY CONNECTED WITH MADDEN:

Madden's Instagram: ⁠@maddenzappa⁠

✨If you loved this episode, don't forget to subscribe and leave a review! And remember, we do not gatekeep when it comes to dating smarter so be sure to share it with a friend!

What truly is the difference between anxious masculine energy and grounded masculine energy? And how do they both appear in relationships while dating:

Madden sits down with Jen Briggs to explore the crucial differences between anxious and grounded masculine energy in dating. One type feels magnetic, intense, and immediate, while the other feels steady, intentional, and secure. They discuss how to spot the difference between these energies, what your attraction to each reveals about your own patterns, and practical ways to attract more grounded masculine energy into your dating life. From recognizing love bombing to trusting your body's wisdom, this episode offers eye-opening insights to help you date differently.

EPISODE TIMELINE

• 00:00 - Welcome and introduction to the topic of masculine energy
• 03:42 - Introduction to guest Jen Briggs and her dating journey
• 07:15 - Defining masculine vs. feminine energ
• 11:30 - Why women often attract anxious masculine energy
• 15:45 - Signs of love bombing vs. genuine interest
• 21:10 - The importance of patience and clear communication
• 25:30 - Trusting your body's signals and nervous system
• 31:20 - How to attract grounded masculine energy
• 35:40 - The power of vulnerability and being present
• 38:25 - Final advice for breaking dating patterns

IN THIS EPISODE YOU'LL LEARN

• The fundamental differences between anxious and grounded masculine energy
• How to recognize when someone is love bombing versus genuinely interested
• Why your body often knows about red flags before your mind catches up
• How being present and patient can help attract healthier relationships
• The importance of trusting your intuition even when your mind wants to rationalize
• Why vulnerability and taking down walls is essential for finding authentic connection
• Practical ways to recalibrate your nervous system for healthier dating experiences

"I don't need you because I'm whole, but I want you. That is very different than needing someone from a place of lack. A grounded masculine is going to be repelled by a woman who is coming from a place of 'I need this right now' versus 'I'm in my desire right now.'"

- Jen Briggs

CONNECT WITH JEN

Jen Briggs is a podcast host, real estate powerhouse, and a woman who believes in bringing your whole self to both business and love. On her podcast, The Whole Shebang, Jen holds real, unfiltered, and sometimes juicy conversations that help people reconnect with their authentic truth. After getting divorced six years ago at age 43, Jen has navigated the modern dating world as a single mother, exploring patterns in relationships and doing the inner work to attract healthier connections. Her personal journey of balancing masculine and feminine energies informs her insightful perspective on dating and relationships.

The Whole Shebang Podcast

Real Estate Done Right(ish) Podcast

Jen's Website: jenniferbriggs.com

Jen's Instagram: @jennifer.e.briggs

STAY CONNECTED WITH MADDEN:

Madden's Instagram: @maddenzappa

✨If you loved this episode, don't forget to subscribe and leave a review! And remember, we do not gatekeep when it comes to dating smarter so be sure to share it with a friend!

What happens when ambitious, driven, independent women meet modern dating culture?

In this episode Madden sits down with Caprisha, a breakthrough advisor for purpose-driven women, to discuss the unique challenges high-achieving women face in dating and relationships. They explore what it really looks like to soften without shrinking, to receive without lowering your standards, and how powerful, independent women can rewrite the rules of love and partnership.

EPISODE TIMELINE

• 00:00 - Introduction and Madden's personal story
• 03:54 - Current statistics on women's success and independence
• 05:32 - Introduction to Caprisha and her work
• 06:57 - How high achievement impacts dating
• 08:55 - The misconception about complementary partners
• 12:37 - The art of softening without shrinking
• 14:42 - Balancing masculine and feminine energy
• 16:35 - The surrender process that attracts the right partner
• 19:20 - Balancing success and relationship
• 21:08 - Practical steps to find your playful side

IN THIS EPISODE YOU'LL LEARN

• The misconception about what type of partner truly complements a successful woman
• How to shift from a checklist mentality to seeing the human behind potential partners
• Practical ways to soften your approach to dating without compromising your success
• The spiritual surrender process that magnetizes the right partner
• Why playfulness and "allowing yourself to suck" at things might be your most attractive quality
• How to balance professional achievements with relationship presence

"Your biggest asset is your warmth, your softness, your fun, your playfulness. Those are the high-level skills in your relationship, not your doing and how much you're achieving." - Caprisha

CONNECT WITH CAPRISHA

Caprisha is a Breakthrough Advisor for purpose-driven women, guiding them to their leaned-back, prosperous Queen path. As the visionary voice behind Royal Remembrance, she shares her dynamic wisdom through eclectic courses, transformative programs, and intimate 1:1 experiences, helping women reclaim their feminine embodiment in business, life, and relationships. Blending ancient womb healing practices with practical strategy. Caprisha empowers women to refine their power and create embodied, timeless, and rich movements both online and in real life. She is the vibrant host of the Royal Remembrance Podcast, and her magnetic presence extends to her YouTube channel, Caprisha Richards, captivating an international audience of over 200,000 followers and supporters. With her grounding energy and effortless magnetism, Caprisha's insights have touched the hearts and minds of thousands worldwide.

Caprisha's Instagram: @caprivanaa

Royal Remembrance Podcast

RESOURCES USED FOR THIS EPISODE:

Women Outpacing Men in College

Pew Research Center: Young women earn more than men in several U.S. cities

Brookings Institute: The male college crisis

STAY CONNECTED WITH MADDEN:

Madden's Instagram: @maddenzappa

✨ If you loved this episode, don’t forget to subscribe and leave a review! And remember, we do not gatekeep when it comes to dating smarter so be sure to share it with a friend!

If you’re tired of dating on repeat and wondering why you keep attracting the same type of partners, this episode is for you! Attachment styles play a major role in how we show up in relationships—how we connect, how we handle conflict, and even why we push people away (or cling too tightly).

Today, I’m joined by Tori McCabe, LMFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist specializing in attachment and relational trauma. Together, we’re unpacking how your attachment style shapes your dating life and, most importantly, how you can start moving toward more secure, fulfilling relationships.

IN THIS EPISODE, WE DISCUSS:

🩷 The four attachment styles—secure, anxious, avoidant, and disorganized—and how they play out in dating

🩷 Why we’re drawn to certain partners (and why it often leads to heartbreak)

🩷 How to stop repeating toxic relationship patterns

🩷Practical steps to move toward secure attachment, even if you’ve been anxiously or avoidantly attached for years

🩷 How to identify a partner who is emotionally available and aligned with what you need

🩷Can your attachment style change over time? (Spoiler: Yes!)

RESOURCES MENTIONED:

The Power of Attachment by Diane Poole Heller

CONNECT WITH TORI

You can connect with Tori's Practice HERE

📧 [email protected]

STAY CONNECTED WITH MADDEN

My instagram: @maddenzappa

✨ If you loved this episode, don’t forget to subscribe and leave a review! And remember, we do not gatekeep when it comes to dating smarter so be sure to share it with a friend!