We're Dating the Same Guy

Ever feel like you're just going through the motions on dates? Asking the same questions, having the same conversations, dating the same types of people over and over? You're not alone—and you're probably dating on autopilot.

In this solo episode, I'm pulling back the curtain on something that's been showing up in both my nine-to-five life as a fitness instructor and my dating life: the difference between being a student and being on autopilot. When I started learning a new class format after teaching for nearly a decade, I noticed something. The same feelings of discomfort, vulnerability, and fear of judgment that came up while teaching? They're the exact same feelings we experience in dating.

WHAT YOU'LL LEARN:

• Why the moment you think you've figured out dating is the moment you stop growing
• How autopilot mode creates disconnection (even in long-term relationships)
• The uncomfortable truth about feedback and why we get so defensive
• Why not everyone is going to like you—and why that's actually a good thing
• Practical ways to step out of autopilot and back into curiosity

"If you're not staying curious about your partner, you're no longer a student of your relationship. And eventually one day you could wake up with someone next to you and realize that they're a stranger."

- Madden Zappa

CONNECT WITH YOUR HOST: MADDEN ZAPPA

Madden Zappa is a dating and relationship coach who helps people recognize and break the patterns that keep them dating the same person over and over again. Through her podcast "We're Dating the Same Guy," Madden combines vulnerable personal stories with practical frameworks to help listeners date smarter, healthier, and more intentionally. Her approach is refreshingly honest—she's willing to share her own uncomfortable truths and dating mistakes to help others avoid the same cycles. With expertise in attachment styles, dating psychology, and relationship patterns, Madden creates content that speaks to the late-night Google searches we're all too afraid to admit we're making.

Madden's Instagram: ⁠@maddenzappa⁠

STAY UP TO DATE WITH WE'RE DATING THE SAME GUY:

We NOW have an Instagram. Follow us over at ⁠@datedifferentlyco⁠

Submit YOUR dating stories and questions: ⁠Date Differently Diaries (completely anonymous)⁠

✨As always, we do not gatekeep how to date smarter. If this episode moved you or taught you something new, think it would be beneficial for others to hear, please take a moment to follow, leave a review, and SHARE! Pass this episode along to someone who would love it too or head on over Instagram to share the most recent episode.

Let's talk about that person you keep going back to even though you know better! In this raw, vulnerable solo episode, I'm sharing my 18-month situationship saga—the hot and cold dynamic, the false promises, and the moment I finally closed the door for good on January 1st.

If you've ever felt confused about where you stand, made excuses for inconsistent behavior, or held onto hope that "this time will be different," this episode is your permission slip to want more.

WHAT YOU'LL LEARN:

• The 4 types of situationships (and which one keeps you most hooked)
• Why we confuse intensity with intimacy—and how that keeps us stuck
• The psychology behind anxious-avoidant dynamics in undefined relationships
• How to assess your non-negotiables before having "the talk"
• The three-month rule: when to define the relationship or walk away
• Why "if he wanted to, he would" isn't harsh—it's honest
• How dating other people can open to yours to what you were settling for

"Staying in a situationship where there's a lack of clarity is you also choosing uncertainty just on the other side. So what's harder? Sitting in the uncertainty with someone where you're not sure where this is ever going to go, or having the conversation and receiving the clarity you need and potentially then experiencing the uncertainty of no longer being in the situationship? The latter opens you up to then actually meeting someone and dating someone who could be a much better match for you long term."

- Madden Zappa

CONNECT WITH YOUR HOST: MADDEN ZAPPA

Madden Zappa is a dating and relationship coach who helps people recognize and break the patterns that keep them dating the same person over and over again. Through her podcast "We're Dating the Same Guy," Madden combines vulnerable personal stories with practical frameworks to help listeners date smarter, healthier, and more intentionally. Her approach is refreshingly honest—she's willing to share her own uncomfortable truths and dating mistakes to help others avoid the same cycles. With expertise in attachment styles, dating psychology, and relationship patterns, Madden creates content that speaks to the late-night Google searches we're all too afraid to admit we're making.

Madden's Instagram: ⁠@maddenzappa⁠

STAY UP TO DATE WITH WE'RE DATING THE SAME GUY:

We NOW have an Instagram. Follow us over at ⁠@datedifferentlyco⁠

Submit YOUR dating stories and questions: ⁠Date Differently Diaries (completely anonymous)⁠

✨As always, we do not gatekeep how to date smarter. If this episode moved you or taught you something new, think it would be beneficial for others to hear, please take a moment to follow, leave a review, and SHARE! Pass this episode along to someone who would love it too or head on over Instagram to share the most recent episode.

What if you approached dating the same way high performers approach everything else in their lives—with intention, strategy, and a commitment to excellence? Today I'm sitting down with Coach Dar, a mental performance coach who works with pro athletes and executives, and she's breaking down why quality attracts quality and what it actually takes to show up as quality in the dating world.

Here's the truth: If you're not doing the work to be quality, you won't attract quality. And that work isn't about changing who you are—it's about sharpening yourself, knowing yourself deeply, and bringing your best to the table. Coach Dar shares why confidence in dating is really about psychological safety, why you need to treat choosing a partner like you're vetting a billion-dollar business deal, and the exact questions to ask on first dates that reveal true alignment.

We're talking about slowing down instead of rushing into physical connection, doing your due diligence before committing, and why the person you choose is the biggest business deal you'll ever make for your finances, health, and quality of life. This conversation is for anyone who's ready to approach dating like a high performer—intentionally, strategically, and with standards.

Whether you're tired of repeating the same patterns, wondering why you keep attracting the wrong people, or just ready to level up how you show up in dating—this episode will give you the framework to date differently.

WHAT YOU'LL LEARN:

• Why quality attracts quality—and what it takes to BE quality
• How to treat choosing a partner like a billion-dollar business deal (do your due diligence)
• The exact work you need to do to show up as your best self in dating
• Why confidence is really about creating psychological safety
• First date questions that reveal true alignment (not small talk)
• How to slow down, communicate clearly, and date with real standards

"Who you bring into your life is the biggest business deal you will ever make in your life—for your finances, your health, your quality of life. If you don't do your due diligence and talk this through and figure out who each other are and slow the roll, you will repeat patterns of picking the wrong person."

- Coach Dar

CONNECT WITH COACH DAR:

Coach Dar is a world-class mental skills coach who works with professional athletes, executives, and high performers navigating pressure, identity, and resilience. With a background as an occupational therapist specializing in neuroscience and neuropsych, Coach Dar brings a unique approach to mindset work—helping people go from where they are to where they want to be through the power of their mind and human behavior. She's the author of The Art of Bouncing Back and speaks around the country on confidence, communication, and human connection.

Coach Dar's Instagram: @thecoachdar

Coach Dar's Website

Order your copy of The Art of Bouncing Back right here!

CONNECT WITH MADDEN:

Madden's Instagram: ⁠@maddenzappa⁠

STAY UP TO DATE WITH WE'RE DATING THE SAME GUY:

We NOW have an Instagram. Follow us over at ⁠@datedifferentlyco⁠

Submit YOUR dating stories and questions: ⁠Date Differently Diaries (completely anonymous)⁠

✨As always, we do not gatekeep how to date smarter. If this episode moved you or taught you something new, think it would be beneficial for others to hear, please take a moment to follow, leave a review, and SHARE! Pass this episode along to someone who would love it too or head on over Instagram to share the most recent episode.

Are you feeling the weight of fertility pressure every time you swipe on a dating app? You're not alone. Research shows that 72% of Gen Z women experience age-related fertility anxiety—many by age 23—and nearly half feel pressured to have children before 30. But what if that panic is actually preventing you from making the best decisions for your future?

In this deeply honest conversation, I sit down with Dr. Lucky Sekhon, double board-certified OBGYN, reproductive endocrinologist, and author of The Lucky Egg, to unpack the intersection of fertility, dating, and modern womanhood. Dr. Lucky is not just an expert—she's been through it herself as both a fertility doctor and an IVF patient who relied on her own frozen embryos to have her second child.

We're breaking down the fertility myths that keep us up at night, exploring when and how to have "the conversation" with partners, and discussing why egg freezing has become less about desperation and more about empowerment. Dr. Lucky explains why understanding your body isn't just about biology—it's about choosing partners from a place of confidence instead of fear.

Whether you're 28 or 38, single or partnered, unsure about kids or absolutely certain, this episode offers the honest, pressure-free information you've been craving. Because the truth? Your fertility story is yours to write—and the right partner will respect that.

WHAT YOU'LL LEARN:

• How fertility anxiety impacts modern dating and relationship decisions
• Why egg freezing has shifted from desperation to empowerment for women in their 20s and 30s
• The biological realities of egg quality and the biological clock—without the panic
• Why male fertility matters just as much (50% of infertility is male factor!)
• When and how to have fertility conversations with partners- Red flags vs. green flags: how your partner shows up during these discussions

"Fertility challenges are one of the biggest things that differentiate couples in good relationships from those who don't necessarily have a strong foundation. Who you choose as a partner is so important. Never make that decision out of fear or desperation."

- Dr. Lucky

CONNECT WITH DR. LUCKY:

Dr. Lucky Sekhon is a double board-certified OBGYN and reproductive endocrinologist practicing at RMA of New York, one of the largest fertility clinics in the country. As both a fertility doctor and former IVF patient herself, Dr. Lucky brings unique insight to the intersection of reproductive health, modern dating, and women's empowerment.

After successfully using her own frozen embryos to overcome secondary infertility at age 38, Dr. Lucky became a passionate advocate for accessible fertility education. She provides free resources through her blog, The Lucky Egg, and has built a thriving online community on Instagram and TikTok.

Her newly released book, The Lucky Egg, is being hailed as "the fertility Bible"—the most comprehensive resource available for anyone navigating fertility questions, from those just beginning to think about family planning to those deep in treatment. Dr. Lucky's mission is simple: close the knowledge gap and help people make informed decisions about their reproductive futures without fear or desperation.

Dr. Lucky's Instagram: @lucky.sekhon

Dr Lucky Sekhon

Double Board Certified REI & OBGYN at RMA of New York 

ORDER YOUR COPY OF THE LUCKY EGG TODAY!

CONNECT WITH MADDEN:

Madden's Instagram: ⁠@maddenzappa⁠

STAY UP TO DATE WITH WE'RE DATING THE SAME GUY:

We NOW have an Instagram. Follow us over at ⁠@datedifferentlyco⁠

Submit YOUR dating stories and questions: ⁠Date Differently Diaries (completely anonymous)⁠

✨As always, we do not gatekeep how to date smarter. If this episode moved you or taught you something new, think it would be beneficial for others to hear, please take a moment to follow, leave a review, and SHARE! Pass this episode along to someone who would love it too or head on over Instagram to share the most recent episode.

What if your most painful breakup was actually a portal to your most empowered self?

In this deeply vulnerable solo episode, Madden shares the story of the breakup that changed everything - not because it was her longest relationship or most painful ending, but because it became the catalyst that launched this very podcast and her return to coaching.

This episode isn't just about healing after heartbreak. It's about recognizing when you've been ignoring your intuition, identifying where you've been playing small, and learning to channel the pain of loss into fuel for your biggest expansion.

WHAT YOU'LL LEARN:

• How to recognize when your intuition is speaking (even when you don't want to listen)
• The exact moment she knew this relationship wasn't aligned - and why she stayed anyway
• How to identify where you're compromising your goals and dreams for a relationship
• Her 5-step framework for turning breakup pain into personal expansion
• Why some relationships are meant to be catalysts, not forever
• How to use heartbreak as fuel instead of letting it keep you stuck

"We can get stuck in mourning the breakup. But what if that energy is actually the energy you could use to rebuild yourself? What if you used it as momentum instead? You get to choose the meaning of the hurt. The hurt can either take you in a loop of stories that bring you down, or you can use that hurt to fuel you forward."

- Madden Zappa

CONNECT WITH MADDEN:

Madden's Instagram: ⁠@maddenzappa⁠

STAY UP TO DATE WITH WE'RE DATING THE SAME GUY:

We NOW have an Instagram. Follow us over at ⁠@datedifferentlyco⁠

Submit YOUR dating stories and questions: ⁠Date Differently Diaries (completely anonymous)⁠

✨As always, we do not gatekeep how to date smarter. If this episode moved you or taught you something new, think it would be beneficial for others to hear, please take a moment to follow, leave a review, and SHARE! Pass this episode along to someone who would love it too or head on over Instagram to share the most recent episode.

Dating in 2025 is exhausting. If you're feeling burnt out, frustrated by ghosting, or questioning whether good people even exist anymore, this episode is for you.

In this raw, filter-off solo episode, I'm taking the dating coach hat completely off and sharing my honest experience as someone actively dating in the modern landscape. With 79% of millennials and Gen Z reporting dating app burnout, you're not alone in feeling like modern dating is a mess—because it absolutely is.

I'm getting real about the challenges we're all facing: profiles that give you nothing to work with, the waiting game after matching, the normalization of ghosting (which 91% of daters consider the worst trend in modern dating) and the frustration of people saying one thing while their actions show something completely different.

But here's what matters most: even with all these frustrations, I still have amazing dates. I still meet wonderful people. And I still believe you can date from a grounded, optimistic place—without losing yourself in the chaos.

WHAT YOU'LL LEARN:

• Why modern dating feels like a parking lot after a blizzard (and it's not just you)
• The real impact of dating apps on connection and communication
• How to protect your peace when someone's behavior has nothing to do with you
• Why pacing your energy in early dating changes everything
• How to use your past dating wins to stay motivated
• The power of knowing your "why" for dating
• Practical ways to stay grounded without becoming jaded

"The behavior you're receiving from other people that can make dating really challenging has nothing to do with you. The moment you're able to disconnect your worth or your value from the situation, the easier it is to be like, okay, yeah, that sucked, but to also move on."

- Madden Zappa

CONNECT WITH MADDEN:

Madden's Instagram: ⁠@maddenzappa⁠

STAY UP TO DATE WITH WE'RE DATING THE SAME GUY:

We NOW have an Instagram. Follow us over at ⁠@datedifferentlyco⁠

Submit YOUR dating stories and questions: ⁠Date Differently Diaries (completely anonymous)⁠

✨As always, we do not gatekeep how to date smarter. If this episode moved you or taught you something new, think it would be beneficial for others to hear, please take a moment to follow, leave a review, and SHARE! Pass this episode along to someone who would love it too or head on over Instagram to share the most recent episode.

Feeling burned out from dating apps? You're not alone—79% of users report dating app fatigue. In this episode, I sit down with Erika Ettin, founder of A Little Nudge and dating coach for 15 years, to break down exactly what makes online dating profiles stand out and how to actually convert matches into dates.

Erika shares her "Name Your Five" framework for creating profiles that spark conversation, the biggest mistakes that quietly sabotage connection, and why successful people often struggle the most with modern dating. We dive into profile photo strategies, the art of first messages, texting between dates, and when to move from app to in-person.

If you're swiping but not connecting, getting matches but not dates, or feeling like dating has become another exhausting chore, this conversation is full of practical insights that will shift how you approach online dating entirely.

WHAT YOU'LL LEARN:

• The "Name Your Five" profile framework that creates message bait
• Photo strategy: What your first three pictures need to show
• Why "doing the work" doesn't entitle you to find someone
• How to text between dates without creating false intimacy
• The green flags people overlook when chemistry isn't instant
• Why your attitude toward dating apps determines your experience
• When to go on a second date (hint: if you're curious for one more conversation)

"Your trip to Europe is fleeting. Your potential partner, hopefully, is for a long time. So perhaps people should spend more time on their dating profile than planning vacation. You spent 10 hours planning your trip to Europe but only five minutes on your Hinge profile. That math doesn't add up."

- Erika Ettin

CONNECT WITH ERIKA:

Erika Ettin is the Founder of A Little Nudge, a consulting company that helps people navigate the world of online dating, from first click to first date. She is also the author of the book Love at First Site.

Erika studied economics at Cornell University and received her MBA from Georgetown. She started A Little Nudge in 2011 (after a seven-year career as an economist). She is responsible for many relationships, marriages, and the confidence some people simply need to “get out there.”

A Little Nudge has been featured in media around the country, including The New York Times, The Washington Post, NPR, CBS, and Ask Men, and she currently writes a weekly syndicated dating column.  

Erika's Instagram: @alittlenudge

GET YOUR VERY OWN THE SKIN DEEP DECK RIGHT HERE!

CONNECT WITH MADDEN:

Madden's Instagram: ⁠@maddenzappa⁠

STAY UP TO DATE WITH WE'RE DATING THE SAME GUY:

We NOW have an Instagram. Follow us over at ⁠@datedifferentlyco⁠

Submit YOUR dating stories and questions: ⁠Date Differently Diaries (completely anonymous)⁠

✨As always, we do not gatekeep how to date smarter. If this episode moved you or taught you something new, think it would be beneficial for others to hear, please take a moment to follow, leave a review, and SHARE! Pass this episode along to someone who would love it too or head on over Instagram to share the most recent episode.

The holidays can bring up complicated feelings when you're single—but what if you stopped treating this season like something to survive and started owning it instead? In this solo episode, Madden gets raw and honest about navigating holiday gatherings without a partner, the unexpected clarity that can come from seasonal reflection, and why your relationship status has nothing to do with how fulfilled your life actually is.

If you've ever felt the weight of being the only single person at a party, fielded awkward questions from well-meaning relatives, or caught yourself wishing for a plus-one—this episode is for you. Madden shares personal stories from recent holiday experiences and offers practical language for handling those inevitable "so, are you seeing anyone?" conversations with grace and confidence.

This isn't about pretending you're fine when you're not. It's about understanding that you can simultaneously enjoy your life AND desire partnership. Both things can be true at once. And more importantly, your confidence doesn't come from having someone by your side—it comes from choosing yourself, even when it feels uncomfortable.

WHAT YOU'LL LEARN:

• Navigating holiday gatherings as a single person
• Finding clarity about what you want in relationships
• Handling intrusive questions from family and friends
• Understanding that fulfillment and desire for partnership can coexist
• Breaking out of hibernation mode during winter
• Building confidence through choosing yourself
• Emotional maturity and sitting with uncomfortable feelings
• The difference between surviving and owning the holiday season

"Your relationship status—whether you're single, you're dating, or the state of your current relationship—that is not the most important and most interesting thing about you. It never was. It never will be unless you're the one deciding that. You are so much more than whether or not you have a partner."

- Madden Zappa

CONNECT WITH MADDEN:

Madden's Instagram: @maddenzappa

STAY UP TO DATE WITH WE'RE DATING THE SAME GUY:

We NOW have an Instagram. Follow us over at @datedifferentlyco

Submit YOUR dating stories and questions: Date Differently Diaries (completely anonymous)

✨As always, we do not gatekeep how to date smarter. If this episode moved you or taught you something new, think it would be beneficial for others to hear, please take a moment to follow, leave a review, and SHARE! Pass this episode along to someone who would love it too or head on over Instagram to share the most recent episode.

Anxious attachment isn't a life sentence—it's a pattern you can heal. In this transformative episode, internationally recognized relationship coach Trevor Hanson shares his journey from working at Tesla while trapped in toxic relationships to helping thousands break free from anxious attachment patterns.

If you've ever felt like you're dating the same person repeatedly, sabotaging healthy relationships, or addicted to the highs and lows of chaotic love—this episode is your roadmap to change.

WHAT YOU'LL LEARN:

• The real difference between anxious, avoidant, and secure attachment styles

• Why you keep attracting unavailable partners (and how to stop)

• The TEMPO Cycle framework for identifying and breaking your patterns

• How to build genuine safety within yourself before seeking it in others

• Why healing while dating isn't just possible—it's powerful

• The emotion-logic gap and why knowing better doesn't equal doing better

"There's an emotion-logic gap. There's a logical part of you that totally gets it in the front part of your brain. But then there's an emotional part of your brain that stores all your subconscious content. Too often we try to activate the front part of the brain to fix the emotional base brain. And it doesn't work. You literally aren't even turning on the right part of the brain to fix it. That's why you can learn all day long what a healthy pattern looks like and still get sucked into the same old stuff."

- Trevor Hanson

CONNECT WITH TREVOR:

Trevor is an internationally recognized coach dedicated to helping individuals and couples create secure, thriving relationships.

After overcoming his own anxious attachment, breaking his jaw, ending a toxic relationship, and leaving a corporate career at Tesla, he found his purpose in helping others find their secure self.

With a master’s degree in Marriage and Family Therapy and advanced training from some of the world’s top attachment experts, Trevor has helped thousands of clients around the globe. He’s been featured by the Gottman Institute and has spoken to audiences of over 10,000.

As the founder of The Art of Healing, he teaches his signature Secure Self Method to help people step into emotional confidence and build the kinds of relationships that last.

Trevor's Instagram: ⁠@theartofhealingbytrevor⁠

⁠Trevor's Website⁠

Free! Seminar ⁠From Anxious to Secure ⁠

Join the⁠ Secure Self Club⁠ (Go from anxious to secure in 120 days!)

CONNECT WITH MADDEN:

Madden's Instagram: ⁠@maddenzappa⁠

STAY UP TO DATE WITH WE'RE DATING THE SAME GUY:

We NOW have an Instagram! Follow us over at ⁠@datedifferentlyco⁠

Submit YOUR dating stories and questions: ⁠Date Differently Diaries (completely anonymous)⁠

⭐As always, we do not gatekeep how to date smarter. If this episode moved you or taught you something new, think it would be beneficial for others to hear, please take a moment to follow, leave a review, and SHARE! Pass this episode along to someone who would love it too or head on over to Instagram to share the most recent episode!

Should couples combine finances after marriage? Financial therapist Lindsay Konchar shares expert advice on money conversations, avoiding financial infidelity, and building wealth together.

In Part 2 of our conversation with financial therapist Lindsay Konchar, we dive deep into the money questions that come up when relationships get serious. From combining finances to navigating financial infidelity, this episode gives you practical tools for building a financial foundation that actually supports your relationship instead of stressing it out.

What You'll Learn:

• The truth about combining finances in marriage (and why the "merge everything" advice might be wrong for you)
• How to have money conversations without triggering defensiveness or shame
• The biggest financial conflicts couples face and how to navigate them
• How to maintain financial equality when one partner out-earns the other
• What financial infidelity really looks like and how to rebuild trust
• Essential money conversations to have before kids, mortgages, and major life decisions
• How to escape "keeping up with the Joneses" and define what YOU actually want
• The power of weekly money dates for thriving (not just surviving) financially

"We are not just keeping up with the Joneses anymore. We are keeping up with everyone. Social media is a huge culprit of that. For anybody that's like, I don't give a shit what other people think about me - that's a huge red flag. Every single human being on planet Earth gives a shit about what other people are thinking about them. And they should. What that is all about is having a sense of belonging. You want to belong with your friends, your chosen family. That's okay. But you need to understand how your money is reflected in that."

- Lindsey Konchar

CONNECT WITH LINDSEY:

Lindsey is your favorite financial therapist for women and couples, here to help you feel excited about money! (Yes, it's possible!) Money is more than just a math problem; there is always so much more to the equation. Merging behavioral therapy and financial education, Lindsey helps you live your dream life!

Lindsey's Instagram: ⁠@financialtherapistlindsey⁠

⁠Lindsey's Website⁠

Join Financial Self-Care's GET OUT OF DEBT course ⁠WAITLIST⁠

CONNECT WITH MADDEN:

Madden's Instagram: ⁠@maddenzappa⁠

STAY UP TO DATE WITH WE'RE DATING THE SAME GUY

We NOW have an Instagram! Follow us over at ⁠@datedifferentlyco⁠

Submit YOUR dating stories and questions: ⁠Date Differently Diaries (completely anonymous)⁠

⭐ As always, we don’t gatekeep how to date smarter.If this moved you or taught you something new, take a moment to follow, leave a review, and pass this episode along to someone who would love it too.