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there's a message most of us received early in life.. it sounds like “toughen up. don't cry. push through. get on with it.” and for me it was direct - i was told to “put up, shut up and get on with it.” and i did.. i got very good at it. i pushed through school, university, relationships, career failures and family pain. i kept moving and kept achieving. and underneath all of it, there was a whole world of feeling i had learned to lock the door on. in this episode i get into why so many of us (and men especially) resist feeling our feelings, where that resistance actually comes from, what it costs us biologically and psychologically, what ancient wisdom traditions have known for thousands of years that modern culture keeps forgetting and a clear practical guide to begin (gently, without needing to rip yourself open). this one's close to my heart. enjoy 💙

what we explored this episode

00:00 welcome welcome!

01:24 put up, shut up and get on with it

03:54 how suppression followed me through school, uni, career and business

06:39 dr jekyll and mr hyde

08:24 8 years of therapy and still not breaking the resistance

10:58 masculine conditioning and the damage it's doing

13:14 the productivity industrial complex

14:44 brené brown and shame

18:16 what actually happens in the body when you suppress emotion

20:54 ancient wisdom on feeling your feelings

23:24 the cruel irony

25:34 why feeling an emotion fully is what allows it to complete and release

27:50 the window of tolerance and the fear of falling apart

29:24 step by step (a practical guide to beginning)

32:07 coming home to yourself

research references and thought leaders

Terrence Real — author of I Don't Want to Talk About It. Boys are socialised to treat vulnerability as unsafe and feelings as a liability.

Brené Brown — author of Daring Greatly. Shame is the fear of disconnection and the primary reason people suppress emotion.

Candace Pert — author of Molecules of Emotion. Suppressed emotions continue circulating as neuropeptides, affecting immune function, hormones, and digestion.

Bessel van der Kolk — author of The Body Keeps the Score. Suppressed emotion gets encoded in the body's fascia, musculature, and organs.→ www.besselvanderkolk.com

Stephen Porges — developer of Polyvagal Theory. Chronic suppression locks the nervous system in survival mode.→ www.stephenporges.com

Peter Levine — founder of Somatic Experiencing. Incomplete emotional responses create frozen residue of energy stored in the body.→ www.somaticexperiencing.com

HeartMath Institute — research on cardiac coherence. Processing emotion makes the body more intelligent, resilient, and capable.→ www.heartmath.org

Dan Siegel — author of Mindsight. Name it to tame it — labelling an emotion reduces amygdala activation and calms the nervous system.→ www.drdansiegel.com

Richard Schwartz — developer of IFS. Turning toward a feeling with curiosity rather than judgment reduces its intensity.→ www.ifs-institute.com

Ancient wisdom — Buddhism, Hinduism, Kabbalah, and Stoicism all point to the same truth: suppression is avoidance. The path to freedom runs through the feeling, not around it.

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lots of love,

david 💙