On this episode of To Outsmuck a Smucker, Doug channels his best Orson Welles and reads a diary entry from The Uncrustables -- a neo-noir adapted from a gothic novel. Alice accompanies with some questionable impressions of Crustopher Walken and Jammy Stewart. They also decide to adopt a baby cow, name her Maddie, raise her for eighteen months, then take her out for ribs. Wait. Her ribs? Or just ribs?

Other discussion topics may include: 

- Ice(landic s)cream therapy

- See-through lavatories and other provocative rooms

- Consuming food both meant for and emitting from animals

- Shower Sandwiches with Anna Kendrick

- Honestly, they really just talk about Uncrustables for, like, six hours.

[Allergy Warning: Contains gluten, dairy, eggs, and well-meaning yet ultimately misleading information about Temple Grandin]