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have you ever left a relationship, a job or a city and somehow ended up in the exact same situation with a different face? same dynamic, same feeling and the same damn ceiling. in this episode i get into why that happens and what it actually means. nothing is wrong with you and you don’t have bad luck - your old wounds resurface (again and again) until you finally turn around and face them. i share my own deepest wound, the self-abandonment pattern that followed me through workplaces, relationships, family and my own internal dialogue, and what it took to finally break the cycle. as always, grounded in science, trauma research and real practical steps you can take. enjoy 💙

what we explored this episode

00:00 welcome welcome!

01:24 why your life keeps repeating itself

03:40 my self-abandonment wound

08:34 the common thread beneath it all

11:01 what a wound actually is

13:24 how wounds get stored in the body

16:54 why the same patterns keep finding you

20:24 the most common wounds and how they show up

24:24 why we unconsciously recreate familiar pain

26:54 why we don't remember the wound (we re-live it)

28:57 how to actually break the cycle (six practical steps)

36:02 nothing is wrong with you

some takeaways

knowing a wound cognitively is not the same as healing it.

a wound is a specific event in which an emotional need went unmet

the nervous system cannot distinguish between a past threat and a present one if the emotional residue is still stored in the body.

your external reality is always reflecting back what is still waiting to be healed internally. 

the most skipped and most necessary step in healing is grief

when the wound heals, the attraction changes. 

your patterns are not evidence that you are broken. they are evidence that healing is not yet complete. and some part of you is still trying to get there

references and thought leaders

Bruce Perry — The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog. Early adverse experiences shape the architecture of the nervous system. The brain is experience-dependent. → www.neurosequential.com

Bessel van der Kolk — The Body Keeps the Score. Wounds are encoded in the body's sensory motor systems, not just in narrative memory. → www.besselvanderkolk.com

Stephen Porges — Polyvagal Theory. The nervous system constantly scans for cues of safety or danger, far beneath conscious awareness. → www.stephenporges.com

Peter Levine — Somatic Experiencing. Titration and pendulation — healing happens in small doses, moving between activation and safety. → www.somaticexperiencing.com

Dan Siegel — implicit memory. Wounds surface not as clear recollections but as feelings, sensations, and automatic responses. → www.drdansiegel.com

Richard Schwartz — IFS, No Bad Parts. Parts carrying the wound's burden can be approached with curiosity and compassion, and the burden released. → www.ifs-institute.com

Parag Lokhande — grief as the price of love, and unspent love as the emotion beneath our deepest wounds. → www.metromunk.com.au

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lots of love,

david 💙