How do you know if you are drinking too much coffee? I give you the hard to swallow numbers.

A guy in Japan did an unspeakable thing to someone's bicycle seat. If I say anymore, it will ruin the story.

I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT:

• World's longest beard reaches 8 feet, 3 inches long. The maintenance of the beard makes my skin crawl.
• Man visits all 12 Disney parks around the world in 12 days. I explain why this is a horrible thing.
• A group of friends were rescued from the middle of the ocean after a giant whale sank their boat as they ate pizza. I cast my giant judgment net on these guys.
• Lady Gaga turned to celibacy in fear of partners stealing creativity from her vagina. I toss out the rumor that I made up during the podcast, that she tried to steal my creativity a long time ago.
• Brainless blob capable of human-like behaviors has scientists absolutely stumped. FEAR!!!