In this personal episode, I share my journey from chronic people-pleaser to assertive leader and reveal practical frameworks for finding your voice. Growing up too agreeable cost me career opportunities and wrong relationships. The key insight: when nothing is important to you, it's easy to get pulled into anything important to others.

Key Concepts:

Three Communication Styles:

Passive - Avoiding conflict, not advocating for needs

Aggressive - Bulldozing over others' needs

Assertive - Being honest about needs while respecting others (the sweet spot)

Two Types of Assertiveness:

Boundary-Setting - Saying no to protect time and energy

Path-Carving - Knowing yourself and speaking up with ideas

What Holds Us Back: Fear of being disliked, lack of self-knowledge, perfectionism, and imposter syndrome

Practical Frameworks:

The I-Statement: "I feel [emotion] when [specific behavior] because [impact] and I need [specific request]." Workplace tip: Consider leaving off the feeling part.

The Transformative Formula: Boundary + Unarguable Statement + Constructive Request Example: "I'm not able to take on another project right now. I want to keep commitments realistic so I can deliver quality work. Could we look together at which priorities should take precedence?"

Assertiveness Staircase:

1. Gentle Assertion - State boundary with request
2. Firm Assertion - Restate more directly with consequences
3. Strong Assertion - Follow through on consequences

Pro Tip: Practice out loud—when tense, you revert to what you've practiced most.

Resources Mentioned:

"Living Your Values" course (Listen to the episode to get the discount code)

To learn more about my services and for additional tools to enhance your leadership impact, visit ClaireLaughlin.com and connect with me on social channels @Claire Laughlin Consulting.

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