In this episode, I explore the tension between capability and genuine desire with Stephanie Sonnenshine—a former CEO who led one of California's most influential organizations through a pandemic and major transitions, then made the intentional choice to step away and pursue coaching and consulting work that truly lights her up.

If you're a high-achieving leader who finds yourself saying yes to opportunities simply because you can, this conversation will help you pause and ask the more important question: Is this what I actually want?

The Capability Trap: When "I Can" Becomes "I Must"

Many driven leaders fall into a pattern: an opportunity presents itself, you're capable of doing it well, so you say yes. Then another opportunity comes. And another. Before you know it, you're ten years into a career path driven by competence rather than genuine desire. Stephanie shares how she navigated this exact tension—becoming CEO not because it was her lifelong goal, but because the opportunity aligned with her deep commitment to the organization's mission and her core value of integrity. The key insight? Sometimes the big role is the right choice—if it comes from internal clarity rather than external expectations.

Developing Self-Awareness: The Foundation of Intentional Choices

How do you know if you're being driven by what you think you should want versus what you actually want? Stephanie offers practical wisdom:

• Work with a coach. A skilled coach creates space for you to listen to yourself and make decisions aligned with your true motivations, not just your capabilities
• Consider therapy. Particularly for leaders, therapeutic work helps you understand patterns from your family of origin and personal issues that may be driving professional choices
• Examine your motivations. Ask yourself: Is this work that genuinely energizes me? Or am I pursuing it because of status, external validation, or because I think I should?
• Understand consequences. Every choice has an outcome—positive or negative. Spend time deciding whether you can accept those consequences before moving forward

The Power of Slowing Down Decision-Making

One of the most actionable insights from this conversation is about embedding pauses into your decision-making process:

• Create structural pauses. In organizational settings, build clarity around decision-making roles—who needs to be informed, who provides input, who must agree—so you naturally pause to gather the right voices
• Question your responsibility. Just because you're capable doesn't mean every decision or action is yours to own. Ask: Is this truly my decision to make? Am I responsible for everything?
• Give yourself grace. You'll still push too hard sometimes (like Stephanie did, rushing to that wedding). The goal isn't perfection—it's awareness and the ability to course-correct

From Regret to Clarity: Making Peace with Your Choices

Stephanie shares a powerful reframe: her biggest regrets aren't about things she tried that didn't work out—they're about opportunities she didn't pursue. Like turning down the Peace Corps in her twenties because it didn't feel like "forward movement." Looking back at 50, those two years would have been invaluable. The lesson for achievement-driven leaders? Sometimes what feels like a digression or pause could be the most important move you make.

The Freedom in Conscious Achievement

Here's what this conversation isn't about: rejecting ambition, avoiding big opportunities, or downplaying achievement. Stephanie has no regrets about becoming CEO—it was absolutely the right choice at that time. And her transition into coaching and consulting is the right choice now. Both decisions came from internal clarity. Freedom isn't in rejecting achievement—it's in choosing it consciously, from the inside out.

What resonates most: Leaders who recognize themselves in this pattern of capability-driven decisions, who feel the weight of always saying yes, and who are ready to develop a healthier relationship with achievement without losing their drive to make meaningful impact.

Resources Mentioned:

• Learn more about Stephanie's coaching and consulting work at Sonnenshine.com

To learn more about my services and for additional tools to enhance your leadership impact, visit ClaireLaughlin.com and connect with me on social channels @Claire Laughlin Consulting.

Thanks for listening!

Thanks so much for listening to our podcast! New episodes are released weekly, and we'd love for you to share them with others who might benefit.

Do you wake up Monday mornings with subtle dread—not because you hate your job, but because you've stopped growing? You're competent, maybe even excellent, but you've plateaued. Meanwhile, opportunities surround you, but you're not sure how to position yourself to seize them.

Sherri Thomas has successfully rebranded herself four times across different industries—from radio DJ to Fortune 100 career strategist. Her journey includes impressive wins (like a 56% salary increase) and devastating setbacks that taught her how to strategically navigate career transitions.

• The Three Types of Career Opportunities:
• Given opportunities: Jobs posted on boards like LinkedIn and Indeed
• Hidden opportunities: Positions in the corporate undercurrent that never make it to career pages—accessed through strategic networking
• Created opportunities: Projects and roles you generate by volunteering on high-profile initiatives. One client who hadn't been promoted in four years volunteered just two hours weekly on a high-profile project. Within four months, he was promoted. Four months later, he was promoted again—twice in one year.

Sherri's Venn Diagram Exercise When feeling stuck, Sherri drew three intersecting circles representing responsibilities she wanted. After creating ten versions, she found a combination that excited her—surprisingly, it didn't include her bread-and-butter skill of marketing. Sharing this vision with her manager landed her a challenging project and a 22% raise.

Stop waiting for a promotion. Identify where you can add unique value right now.

Your Next Step

Stop waiting for someone to move you up the ladder. Draw your own Venn diagram with three responsibilities or skill areas you want. Create ten versions. Find the combination that genuinely excites you. Then identify one high-profile project where you can volunteer your unique value—even just two hours weekly.

Resources Mentioned:

1. Sherri Thomas's books: The Bounce Back
2. 5 Steps to a Powerful Personal Brand
3. Connect with Sherri at YourLeadershipLab.com
4. Follow Sherri Thomas on LinkedIn

To learn more about my services and for additional tools to enhance your leadership impact, visit ClaireLaughlin.com and connect with me on social channels @Claire Laughlin Consulting. Thanks for listening! New episodes are released weekly, and we'd love for you to share them with others who might benefit.

In this personal episode, I share my journey from chronic people-pleaser to assertive leader and reveal practical frameworks for finding your voice. Growing up too agreeable cost me career opportunities and wrong relationships. The key insight: when nothing is important to you, it's easy to get pulled into anything important to others.

Key Concepts:

Three Communication Styles:

Passive - Avoiding conflict, not advocating for needs

Aggressive - Bulldozing over others' needs

Assertive - Being honest about needs while respecting others (the sweet spot)

Two Types of Assertiveness:

Boundary-Setting - Saying no to protect time and energy

Path-Carving - Knowing yourself and speaking up with ideas

What Holds Us Back: Fear of being disliked, lack of self-knowledge, perfectionism, and imposter syndrome

Practical Frameworks:

The I-Statement: "I feel [emotion] when [specific behavior] because [impact] and I need [specific request]." Workplace tip: Consider leaving off the feeling part.

The Transformative Formula: Boundary + Unarguable Statement + Constructive Request Example: "I'm not able to take on another project right now. I want to keep commitments realistic so I can deliver quality work. Could we look together at which priorities should take precedence?"

Assertiveness Staircase:

1. Gentle Assertion - State boundary with request
2. Firm Assertion - Restate more directly with consequences
3. Strong Assertion - Follow through on consequences

Pro Tip: Practice out loud—when tense, you revert to what you've practiced most.

Resources Mentioned:

"Living Your Values" course (Listen to the episode to get the discount code)

To learn more about my services and for additional tools to enhance your leadership impact, visit ClaireLaughlin.com and connect with me on social channels @Claire Laughlin Consulting.

Thanks so much for listening to our podcast! New episodes are released weekly, and we'd love for you to share them with others who might benefit.

How much of your day do you spend trying to control things that are actually outside your control?

As leaders, we plan and strategize, but often find ourselves spinning our wheels on things we simply can't influence. What if recognizing the limits of our control isn't a weakness, but the key to building stronger teams and achieving better results?

Kate Terrell, former Chief Human Resources Officer with over 15 years of leading transformation at billion-dollar companies, shares how her battle with stage-four cancer taught her the most powerful leadership lesson of her career: focus relentlessly on what you can control while letting go of everything else.

Kate's Journey: From Cancer to Clarity

The gratitude practice:

Even on her worst days during treatment, Kate committed to writing down one thing she was grateful for—shifting from achievement-focused to appreciation-focused

The control principle:

She couldn't control having cancer, but she could control her doctor, her preparation, and her engagement—a mindset that now shapes how she coaches leaders

Building High-Performing Teams

Kate's philosophy is clear: Hire people who are better than you, then get out of their way. She'd rather pull back someone who overstepped than constantly push someone to lean in. The real risk? Holding people back and getting only 60% of their capacity.

Kate's Development Framework:

1. Start with genuine appreciation
2. Describe the specific performance you need
3. Name what you observe them doing now
4. Clarify the gap between current and desired behavior
5. Explain what you'll watch for going forward
6. Follow up consistently

The most powerful leaders don't seek to control outcomes—they create conditions where people can thrive.

Resources Mentioned:

1. Connect with Kate Terrell on LinkedIn

To learn more about my services and for additional tools to enhance your leadership impact, visit ClaireLaughlin.com and connect with me on social channels @Claire Laughlin Consulting. Thanks for listening! New episodes are released weekly, and we'd love for you to share them with others who might benefit.

In this transformative episode, I show you how to escape the Drama Triangle pattern that exhausts leaders and robs them of power.

If you've ever said yes when you want to say no, then felt resentful about your obligations, and then got angry at others for your situation, congratulations! You've just cycled through all three Drama Triangle roles: Rescuer, Victim, and Persecutor, and you've given your power away in each position.

Key Concepts:

The Drama Triangle Roles:

• Rescuer - "Ill save the day!" Saying yes when you should say no, thinking "if I don't do it, it won't get done right"
• Victim - Feeling powerless, focused on what's wrong versus what you control
• Persecutor - Blaming others, making them wrong to make yourself right

The Empowerment Triangle Alternative: We can break this cycle!

Instead of a Rescuer → Be a Coach: Ask questions that empower others

Instead of a Victim → Be a Creator: Focus on what you can influence and create a new future

Instead of a Persecutor → Be a Challenger: Challenge people to grow

Three Immediate Strategies:

1. Pause before rescuing - ask if solving helps them grow
2. Use questions before solutions
3. Make clear agreements instead of assumptions

Resources Mentioned:

1. TED: The Empowerment Dynamic
2. The 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership

When you move above the line into Coach, Creator or Challenger, your team becomes more capable, you reclaim energy, and problems get solved instead of managed. Visit ClaireLaughlin.com and connect at ClaireLaughlinConsulting.

Stay above the line and lead the way!

In this conversation with parent coach Allison Livingston, we explore how high achievers get emotionally hijacked in difficult situations and learn a 5-step framework to stay connected without getting hooked.

Why High Achievers Get Emotionally Hijacked

High-achieving people often struggle with emotional regulation because they expect to be good at everything, including relationships. They have high expectations of themselves and others, but lack practice giving grace when things don't go as planned. This creates vulnerability to emotional enmeshment, where they try to control outcomes rather than connect authentically.

The 5 Steps to Connect Framework

Step 1: Meet Yourself Where You Are

Recognize when you're triggered by tuning into physical sensations not, clenched fists, tight jaw. Most people live in their heads and miss these body signals that indicate emotional hijacking.

Step 2: Validate Your Experience

Acknowledge that it's okay to feel frustrated. Identify your unmet needs partnership, ease, contribution. Include emotional release through movement, but direct it into the sky or ground, not at another person.

Step 3: Get Curious About Stories

Question your narrative of "it's your fault" and explore what might be happening for the other person. Assume positive intent and remember you're on the same team.

Step 4: Lifesaving Listening

Create safe space for others to express their frustrations without taking it personally. This builds psychological safety and allows real conversations about underlying issues.

Step 5: Set Clear Boundaries

From a grounded place, communicate what you will do if certain behaviors continue. Focus on your actions, not controlling others.

The Workplace Connection

These same patterns show up in performance management, project conflicts, and team dynamics. When you stop pointing fingers and start with curiosity, you transform adversarial relationships into collaborative problem-solving.

Resources Mentioned:

1. Work with Allison Livingston at 5stepstoconnect.com
2. Connect with Allison Livingston on LinkedIn

Remember: Emotional energy lasts only 6-90 seconds if you don't restimulate it with more thoughts.

To learn more about my services and for additional tools to enhance your leadership impact, visit ClaireLaughlin.com and connect with me on social channels @Claire Laughlin Consulting.

In this conversation with communication expert Salvatore Manzi, we explore how analytical minds and introverted leaders can transform technical brilliance into authentic influence.

The Foundation: Presence = Comfort + Authenticity

Salvatore defines presence as the intersection of comfort and authenticity—being comfortable being yourself while knowing your topic, understanding your audience, and communicating from that genuine center.

The "You Then Me" Framework

The core principle that transforms communication effectiveness:

• Start with understanding your audience's hopes, fears, and perspectives
• Build relevance before moving to your agenda
• Create connection that opens people to hearing your message

This approach emerged from Salvatore's breakthrough moment mediating between feuding executives, where requiring acknowledgment before response completely shifted the dynamic.

Above or Below the Decision Line

One of the most powerful concepts was helping people understand whether they're "above the decision line" (in ideation mode) or "below the decision line" (in activation or implementation mode). This clarity helped everyone understand how to contribute their genius at the right time.

Breaking the Technical Brilliance Trap

Many analytical leaders try to download everything they know to convince others. But the brain is a meaning-making device, not a precision recording device. People need relevance before they can process complex information.

Key Strategies:

• Connection before content—help teams connect with their personal why
• Use dialogue, not download
• Practice frameworks in low-stakes situations first

The Uncertainty Framework

When you can't share all details: "This is what we know, what we don't know, what I believe, what I'm committed to, and what you can do."

Mastering Q&A Sessions

Prepare with pocket questions, address the elephant in the room, and use the three-step process: acknowledge why their question matters, then pivot to your response. The acknowledgment step is crucial for building rapport.

Resources Mentioned:

1. Pre-order "Clear and Compelling by Design"
2. Subscribe to Salvatore's website to gain access to The Uncertainty Framework.
3. Connect with Salvatore on LinkedIn

Ready to develop authentic influence? Remember: if you can spot effective communication in others, you have the capacity to do it yourself. To learn more about my services and for additional tools to enhance your leadership impact, visit ClaireLaughlin.com and connect with me on social channels @Claire Laughlin Consulting.

In this personal episode, Claire shares how her father's Alzheimer's diagnosis became a wake-up call about the urgency of living authentically. She explores why your values, not productivity systems, are the key to fulfillment and effective leadership.

The Personal Wake-Up Call

Claire opens with a touching note her father wrote: "Claire, I want to go to the grocery store with you." A year later, he no longer writes or speaks much due to Alzheimer's. This experience forced Claire to confront the reality that "someday" plans might never happen, shifting her entire approach to how she spends her time and energy.

The Science Behind Values

Research shows that people pursuing self-concordant goals (aligned with personal values) make more progress and report higher life satisfaction. Values clarification exercises lower cortisol levels, improve problem-solving under pressure, and reduce defensive responses when challenged.

Claire's Core Values:

• Autonomy and freedom
• Well-being and health
• Connection and curiosity
• Invention and creation
• Maximizing potential (avoiding waste)

Three Areas to Audit Your Values:

• Time: Does your calendar reflect what you say matters most?
• Stress: How do you behave under pressure?
• Measurement: Do you celebrate actions that align with your stated values?

The most effective leaders aren't those with the best strategies, but those crystal clear about what they stand for. When you live your values authentically, you create psychological safety for others to do the same.

Resources Mentioned:

"Living Your Values" course- clairelaughlin.com/livingyourvalues (Don't miss the special discount code in this episode!)

To learn more about my services, subscribe to my newsletter, and for additional tools to enhance your leadership impact, visit ClaireLaughlin.com and connect with me on social channels @Claire Laughlin Consulting.

Thanks so much for listening to our podcast! New episodes are released weekly, and we'd love for you to share them with others who might benefit.

In this practical episode, I reveal specific skills that transform ordinary meetings into powerful collaborative sessions where everyone contributes fully.

The difference between meetings where leaders do all the talking versus those where everyone leaves energized isn't personality, it's facilitative leadership skills.

Understanding Work Flow

All meaningful work follows predictable stages:

• Ideation - Identifying problems and brainstorming
• Activation - Deciding and prioritizing
• Implementation - Planning and executing
• Learning - Evaluating and improving

Five Simple Meeting Techniques

1. Round Robin - Everyone shares input, no skipping
2. Pair Share - Small groups process before large group discussion
3. Pro/Con - Structured evaluation inviting dissent safely
4. Dot Voting - Visual prioritization showing group energy
5. End of Meeting Discipline - Clarify decisions and next steps

Power Phrases:

When someone brings a problem: "Tell me more," "What do you think we should do?" "What are the risks?"

Resources Mentioned:

Process Toolkit - Download the process toolkit here.

You're not doing more work; you're doing smarter work, helping groups find best answers together rather than being the person with all the answers.

Visit ClaireLaughlin.com and connect at Claire Laughlin Consulting.

Until next time, lead the way!

In this conversation with Jessica Deakyne, we explore how she accelerated from transportation coordinator to Chief Operating Officer through servant leadership and intentional community building.

The Power of Community and Connection

Jessica's career transformation wasn't a solo journey. She emphasizes that successful leaders understand advancement happens through community, not isolation. Her approach involves constantly connecting people to opportunities, maintaining broad networks, and remembering that "I didn't become an ACM by myself."

The UpNext Program: Building Ladders for Others

In 2022, Jessica co-created UpNext, a nine-month leadership development program for emerging public sector leaders focusing on:

• Leadership presence and executive skills
• Having difficult conversations with confidence
• Building resilience and authentic leadership styles
• Creating community among peers facing similar challenges

The program uses blind application reviews to remove bias and includes ongoing coaching throughout the nine months.

The Critical Mindset Shift

The difference between leaders who plateau and those who accelerate? Remembering that leadership is a team sport. As Jessica explains: "The issue you're going through today isn't the first time this has happened to someone. Call your friends."

Continuous Learning

Even as COO, Jessica continues her development through UC Davis Executive Coaching certification, demonstrating that growth never stops

Key Takeaways:

• Focus on adding value to others' success
• Build genuine relationships across your industry
• Approach experiences with curiosity
• Remember, authenticity is a leadership strength

Resources Mentioned:

UpNext Applications

Jessica's work: solutions-mrg.com

To learn more about my services and for additional tools to enhance your leadership impact, visit ClaireLaughlin.com and connect with me on social channels @Claire Laughlin Consulting.