Create a New Tomorrow

EP 4 : A Path to Self Sovereignity with David Gruder


Listen Later

And today we have David Gruder, Dr. David Gruder. In fact, he is a twelve award winning integrative psychologist. He's president of the Integrity Culture Systems, which work focuses on what he calls self sovereignty, and that serves us all. He equips leaders, influencers and entrepreneurs who are called to repair and evolve the world in their own unique ways with inner, outer and spiritual skills to expand their positive impact. And a super change Catalyst's without sacrificing their lightheartedness, health, financial well-being or cherished personal and work relationships.


Episode Highlights


David [00:02:51] This one year it was it was 1960 at the latest. I might have been fifty nine, but I think it was 60. The New Year's card was a UNICEF card and it simply said the greater peace will only come after the smaller peace we make with each other. And even at six years old, those words went just straight into the core of my being turned out to really have a major hand in crafting the calling that I came to understand that I was here in this world to fulfill. 


Ari [00:03:28] That is awesome. You know what? If you're going to express one of the challenges that you've had in getting this message across with them, the system has, as we have it, what would be kind of the biggest challenge that you've had to face? 


David [00:03:46] The biggest challenge that I've had to face is something that I for decades have referred to as rightness addiction and among colleagues in the psychology profession. I use a tongue in cheek term, a fake, a fake diagnosis I call a paradigm attachment disorder. And so people who are right about how wrong everyone else is, they're unteachable and they're in that kind of state of of arrogance. 


David [00:06:28] So I decided I was here as punishment. And what I was able to offer to all that I was able to offer in that moment was the willingness to consider the possibility that maybe I was wrong and that little tiny bit of willingness was enough to crack the door open to what ultimately over time resulted in my finally outgrowing that rightness addiction of mine. And that story seems to impact the people who are teachable. 


David [00:11:17] Challenging people to to recognize that there are two forms of love. One is nurturance and the other is challenge. And that nurturing love, if it is out of context with challenging love, if it's only nurturance, it becomes self-indulgence that teaches entitlement. When challenging is without nurturance, it becomes shaming and abusive and coercive. We we must have both. And so that would be my first first recommendation is to practice that. My second recommendation is to practice remembering that people adopt positions and attitudes and defensiveness. For really good reasons, that the origins of their stuffiness, of their blindness, of their rigidity, of their attacking, of whatever they're doing, have have really good reasons behind them. That doesn't mean that the behavior is justifiable. But the origin of empathy, the origin of compassion is understanding that when people are relating to me in ways that I would prefer that they not or relating to others in those were ways that they're operating from their wounds. You know, people live their lives at the level of their wombs, not their wishes. So that would be the second thing. And the third thing would be the humility of teach ability, the humility that says I know that I am particularly focused on and have some wisdom to share about slices of a larger picture. But I don't see the entire larger picture. No one else does. And I really want to see parts of the larger picture that other people are more attuned to than I am. So that together we can discover what the whole picture looks like. 


Ari [00:13:59] Awesome. Thank you so much for being here. And I'm going to have you back on so that we can have a longer conversation and talk about some of the myriad of things that that you and I have had conversations about in the past when we've been face to face, able to to touch, you know, touch and see each other. 


Resources and Links

  • https://drgruder.com
  • https://drgruder.com/academy
  • https://CreateANewTomorrow.com
  • https://www.facebook.com/arigronich


Full Transcription


Ari&David1.mp3


Ari [00:00:01] Hass it occurred to you that the systems we live by are not designed to get results. We pay for procedures instead of outcomes, focusing on emergencies rather than preventing disease and living a healthy lifestyle. For over 25 years, I've taken care of Olympians, Paralympians, A-list actors and Fortune 1000 companies. If I did not get results, they did not get results. I realized that while powerful people who controlled the system want to keep the status quo. If I were to educate the masses, you would demand change. So I'm taking the gloves off and going after the systems as they are. Join me on my mission to create a new tomorrow as a chat with industry experts. Elite athletes thought leaders and government officials about how we activate our vision for a better world. We may agree and we may disagree, but I'm not backing down. 


Ari [00:00:50] I'm Ari Gronich and this is. Create a new tomorrow podcast. 


Ari [00:01:03] And welcome back to another episode of Create a New Tomorrow. I'm your host, Ari Gronich. 


Ari [00:01:09] And today with me, I have David Gruder, Dr. David Gruder. In fact, he is a twelve award winning integrative psychologist. He's president of the Integrity Culture Systems, which work focuses on what he calls self sovereignty, and that serves us all. 


Ari [00:01:27] He equips leaders, influencers and entrepreneurs who are called to repair and evolve the world in their own unique ways with inner, outer and spiritual skills to expand their positive impact. 


Ari [00:01:40] And a super change Catalyst's without sacrificing their lightheartedness, health, financial well-being or cherished personal and work relationships. He is amazing. I've known this man for about a decade or so and I have experienced some amazing things. I call him the gurus, guru or the mentor, his mentor, because some of his clients have included some of the most influential leaders that we have. Welcome, David. I'd like to hear from you a little bit. Just tell what got you started in this field. 


David [00:02:17] Oh, my gosh. Well, thank you for that kind introduction. And what got me in this field. I can go back into childhood around what got me into this field. I. Oh, my gosh. So many so many stories I could select from. But the one that I'll I'll keep an eye on for now is when I was right bout six years old and my family received a New Year's card. 


David [00:02:51] This one year it was it was 1960 at the latest. I might have been fifty nine, but I think it was 60. The New Year's card was a UNICEF card and it simply said the greater peace will only come after the smaller peace we make with each other. And even at six years old, those words went just straight into the core of my being turned out to really have a major hand in crafting the calling that I came to understand that I was here in this world to fulfill. 


Ari [00:03:28] That is awesome. You know what? If you're going to express one of the challenges that you've had in getting this message across with them, the system has, as we have it, what would be kind of the biggest challenge that you've had to face? 


David [00:03:46] The biggest challenge that I've had to face is something that I for decades have referred to as rightness addiction and among colleagues in the psychology profession. I use a tongue in cheek term, a fake, a fake diagnosis I call a paradigm attachment disorder. And so people who are right about how wrong everyone else is, they're unteachable and they're in that kind of state of of arrogance. 


David [00:04:20] That to me, is is the single biggest challenge. Probably the second biggest challenge is, is lack of self responsibility. OK. 


Ari [00:04:29] So how have you been able to overcome that with some of your clients? Because I know that you've probably had a number of clients who have had that syndrome. And I'm absolutely certain that in some cases you've been able to help overcome that particular addiction. So what are some of the skills that you used or tools that you've used in order to help people get over that? 


David [00:04:56] Right. 


David [00:04:57] Well, two parts to answering your question briefly, one. One part is that I don't try to make the unteachable see the light. So I. And that ties into the second part, which is I'm vetting people's teach ability to see whether it's a right match for me to assist them. I, I will often tell a story that kind of blows the untouchability piece out of the water if it is capable of being blown out of the water. And that goes to when I was thirty five years old in nineteen eighty nine, I was. Working with I was a client to someone who was doing some some healing work on me, and she turned to me one day and she said about a piece of programing that I was very wedded to. I was in rightness addiction about, which was that I was here on Earth as punishment. And she turned to me and she said, what is it going to take for you to outgrow that crazy belief of yours? 


David [00:06:11] And I I would have sworn on a stack of Bibles at that point in my life for the first 35 years of my life that I was here on Earth as punishment and punishment for what I didn't know. But I know I didn't want to be here. 


David [00:06:28] So I decided I was here as punishment. And what I was able to offer to all that I was able to offer in that moment was the willingness to consider the possibility that maybe I was wrong and that little tiny bit of willingness was enough to crack the door open to what ultimately over time resulted in my finally outgrowing that rightness addiction of mine. And that story seems to impact the people who are teachable. 


Ari [00:07:06] You know that that is a great story. 


Ari [00:07:08] I've I, I have this thing, you know, that I call nuanced thinking. I don't know if that's an actual term, but I call it nuanced thinking. And what I feel like, especially this day and age, is that so many people are so right about whatever their position is and they lack nuanced thinking, the ability to see things in little bits and pieces so that they can assess, OK. Is this particular thing right or wrong based on nuanced thinking versus based on my philosophy or my belief in the world? And we you know, we're seeing this all over the place in this new world that's been created in the last four or five months. And and it's really difficult. You know, people are becoming really intolerant of nuanced thinking, not just not knowing what it is, but really intolerant of it. How do you suggest that we kind of get over ourselves so that we can look at reality and say and start developing this nuanced thought pattern? 


David [00:08:26] Mm hmm. Yeah, well, I like your term nuanced thinking. I am regularly attacked for nuanced thinking. And so what do I recommend? I recommend two things. The first is I recommend lightheartedness, because I know that when people attack me for what you're wonderfully calling nuanced thinking, I know that what they're really doing is expressing that I've scared them, that my thinking is scaring them. And it's really hard for me to be angry, judgmental and and punitive towards someone that I recognize is scared. It's really easy for me to to be those things with someone who I'm telling myself a story that they're attacking me. So lightheartedness is one piece. The other piece that I think is really important is what I call tensions, competence, tensions, literacy, which is the ability to sit in the ambiguity of of a point of view that is not either or thinking, but as both. And that looks at how to. How do we integrate the core concerns and core intentions, the noble concerns and noble intentions underneath people's positions rather than get locked into an arm wrestling match match at best, and a world war psychologically at worst, when we get into an argument over surface positions, surface positions or garbage. What's fueling them at the level of of noble concerns and intentions is where the gold is. 


Ari [00:10:12] That seems a little bit like, you know, taking into consideration Maslow's hierarchy of needs. Right. And saying, OK, so what is behind the behind the need that's being expressed right now? Is that does that. Am I accurate? And in that assessments are on. 


David [00:10:28] Spot on. 


Ari [00:10:29] OK. 


Ari [00:10:30] So if we were going to offer the audience three and I ask this of every guest at the end of an interview with like three actionable. 


Ari [00:10:41] Steps that somebody can take today, tomorrow in order to shift their world, activate their vision for a better world and create a new tomorrow, what would those three actionable items be, in your point of view and your perspective? 


David [00:11:02] So if I had to had to break them down or divide them down two to only three. I would start with with. 


David [00:11:17] Challenging people to to recognize that there are two forms of love. One is nurturance and the other is challenge. And that nurturing love, if it is out of context with challenging love, if it's only nurturance, it becomes self-indulgence that teaches entitlement. When challenging is without nurturance, it becomes shaming and abusive and coercive. We we must have both. And so that would be my first first recommendation is to practice that. My second recommendation is to practice remembering that people adopt positions and attitudes and defensiveness. For really good reasons, that the origins of their stuffiness, of their blindness, of their rigidity, of their attacking, of whatever they're doing, have have really good reasons behind them. That doesn't mean that the behavior is justifiable. But the origin of empathy, the origin of compassion is understanding that when people are relating to me in ways that I would prefer that they not or relating to others in those were ways that they're operating from their wounds. You know, people live their lives at the level of their wombs, not their wishes. So that would be the second thing. And the third thing would be the humility of teach ability, the humility that says I know that I am particularly focused on and have some wisdom to share about slices of a larger picture. But I don't see the entire larger picture. No one else does. And I really want to see parts of the larger picture that other people are more attuned to than I am. So that together we can discover what the whole picture looks like. 


Ari [00:13:18] You know that that's a really good point. And to me, I call that tribal living or teamwork. You know, when when you can adopt a perspective that other people have something to contribute to you as much as you have something to contribute to them. And when we come together, we can really create something amazing and magical. 


Ari [00:13:40] So, David, how could people get a hold of you if they're interested in learning more about you and what you have to offer? 


David [00:13:48] Well, probably the single best place to look is my main Web site, which is Dr. Gruder dot com. 


David [00:13:54] That's drgruder.com. 


Ari [00:13:59] Awesome. Thank you so much for being here. And I'm going to have you back on so that we can have a longer conversation and talk about some of the myriad of things that that you and I have had conversations about in the past when we've been face to face, able to to touch, you know, touch and see each other. 


Ari [00:14:20] Yeah, I'm looking forward to having more conversations. 


Ari [00:14:24] And, you know, this is the kind of information that I want my I want the listeners to to really have is how can we change the world? How can we create a new tomorrow without some of these skills that you're talking about? 


Ari [00:14:41] And and it's very beneficial, I think, to doing so. 


Ari [00:14:46] So we're gonna have another conversation. 


Ari [00:14:48] In the meantime, this has been another episode of Create a New Tomorrow, Activating Your Vision for a Better World. And I am your host, Ari Gronich. Thank you so much for being here, David. And have a healthy day. 


David [00:15:01] And you as well. 


Ari [00:15:03] Thank you for listening to this podcast. I appreciate all you do to create a new tomorrow for yourself and those around you. If you'd like to take this information further and are interested in joining a community of like minded people who are all passionate about activating their vision for a better world, go to the Web site, createanewtomorrow.com and find out how you can be part of making a bigger difference. I have a gift for you. Just for checking it out. And look forward to seeing you take the lead. And joining our private paid mastermind community. 


Ari [00:15:34] Until then, see you on the next episode. 

...more
View all episodesView all episodes
Download on the App Store

Create a New TomorrowBy Ari Gronich

  • 4.9
  • 4.9
  • 4.9
  • 4.9
  • 4.9

4.9

42 ratings