Let’s get one thing straight: I'm not actually against being popular. I’m against how the lure of popularity seduces our brains into saying or doing things that aren’t actually in line with our authentic values, needs and wants.

Our brains, all of them, love a good dopamine hit. Every time we get a like, share, follow or win at something and get a reward? Our brain does a little happy dance. But – and if you’ve been following my work for a while you know what’s coming – these little hits are like carbs. They give us pleasure in the moment but ultimately just leave us hungry for more.

More what? More of all the metrics culture and society tells us = being liked, accepted. Celebrated. And what all those signals tell our brains is that when we have those things, we belong.

Belonging is what we really crave. It’s what we’re hard-wired to want because our brains see safety in numbers.

But when that sense of belonging is built on falsehoods, i.e., acting or presenting ourselves in ways that aren’t who we really are, being liked stops feeling good and starts to be exhausting. 

And if people like us only for who we’re pretending to be, the idea that we won’t be liked for who we actually are is one of the biggest confidence killers I know.

So grab a cup of your favorite drink and join me as I talk about how to drown the conditioned desire to be popular with more productive thoughts.