Real Confidence

Let’s talk about something that we all grapple with but don’t always acknowledge—control. 

Yeah, that word might hit you in different ways depending on how you see it. For some, control sounds like a bad thing, a power trip, or even manipulation. But for others, it's a way to bring order, efficiency, and clarity into their lives. 

I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about this, especially after someone once called me a “control freak.” I was offended, and I bet you would be too. But the more I dug into it, the more I realized control isn’t all bad. In fact, it’s something we all do, whether we like to admit it or not. And guess what? It can be a force for good, not just for us, but for the people around us.

Imagine walking into a restaurant and being genuinely nice to your server. What happens? They’re likely to respond with the same kindness, right? In that moment, you're controlling the interaction in a positive way. It’s not manipulative; it’s human nature. 

The way we act can directly influence how others behave. That’s control, but it’s also compassion, connection, and confidence in action.

Control isn’t the enemy—it’s a tool— and in this episode of Real Confidence I’m going to show you how it’s a force for good. And when you know how to do that, you’ll want to let your control freak flag fly!

Let me tell you—I just had one of the most eye-opening, liberating conversations with the incredible Mervyn Reid-Nelson, founder of You at Yours, Boudoir & BODY CONFIDENCE Photography studio in London. Our conversation was a wild ride through the world of photography, body image, and how stepping in front of the camera can be a powerful journey toward self-love and confidence.

Merv's approach is unlike anything you've ever heard before. It's not just about snapping pretty pictures; it's about creating an experience that helps you tap into the most authentic version of yourself. We took a deep dive into the psychology behind why photos of ourselves can make us feel so vulnerable and how Merv's unique method flips the script, turning a simple photo session into a life-changing rollercoaster of emotions.

Highlights from our chat include:

This episode left me buzzing with excitement—and maybe even a little nervous energy—because it reminded me that confidence isn't about perfection; it’s about embracing who we are in our most raw, real moments.

Trust me, after listening to this, you might just find yourself booking a flight to do a shoot with Merv—or at least looking at your next headshot session with a brand-new perspective.

Tune in now, and let’s get you feeling photo-fabulous!

Want to learn more about Merv’s work? Find him on Instagram at or visit his website youatyours.com.

We’ve all been there—caught off guard by the presence of someone we perceive as powerful or important, and suddenly feeling small or unsure. Whether it’s a senior leader at work, a celebrity, or even a family member, that sense of intimidation is real. But here’s the kicker: no matter how polished or accomplished they appear, they’re human too. They wake up, get dressed, and face insecurities just like the rest of us. In fact, many of them feel just as nervous in unfamiliar situations as we do. Understanding this can shift your perspective and help you approach these encounters with a bit more confidence.

Often the most accomplished people only within their "zone of competence." Take them out of that comfort zone—maybe into a social setting or a new activity—and they can feel just as nervous as anyone else. The difference? They’ve learned to mask it well. But knowing this can help you realize that confidence isn’t a constant state—it fluctuates based on the situation. 

And guess what? That’s totally normal. 

But adapting to a situation where you feel not-as-good-as isn’t just about recognizing that everyone else is human; it’s about how you engage with them, too. 

In this episode of Real Confidence I share some simple strategies that work wonders to level the perceived playing field and position yourself as someone who’s confident and resourceful. It’s a subtle yet powerful way to build a connection and remind yourself—and them—that just like Eleanor Roosevelt said, "You’re unique, just like everyone else."

I’ve seen this approach work time and time again, and I’m excited to hear how it goes for you. Don’t forget to share your experiences, and let’s continue to bring more confidence into the world, one bold move at a time!

My guest on this episode is Sherianna Boyle, whose work on emotional detox is truly fascinating. It’s a topic I wasn’t super-familiar with before we talked, but her approach – from the spiritual, psychological, and even neurological perspectives – made it easy to understand.

But first off, what exactly is emotional detox?

According to Sherianna, it's all about clearing out the reactions we have to our emotions, kind of like a cleanse for our emotional responses. Instead of removing the emotions themselves, we're focusing on how we react to them.

Patterns of reaction can keep us stuck in a cycle of stress, anxiety, and overwhelm, trapping us in that fight-flight-freeze-freak-out mode.

Sound familiar? Yeah, I thought so. Not just because we’ve all been there, but because working with our brains to respond instead of react to confidence kickers is at the heart of my own work.

But how do we know when we need this detox? Whenever we feel constant overwhelm, stress, or like we’re losing control, it’s a sign that it might be time to hit the reset button on our emotional processing.

The best part: emotional detox isn't just about coping with the momentary stress. It's about processing those emotions in a meaningful way. Sherianna has even developed a seven-step process called CLEANSE to help guide you.

In a world saturated with self-help trends and quick fixes, the true power of emotional detox can sometimes get lost in the noise. I’m sharing it with you, so it doesn’t. Because when you can rid yourself of that static, your path to Real Confidence rings loud and clear.

Sherianna Boyle is the author of ten traditionally published books. She is the founder of Emotional Detox Coaching®, creator of the Cleanse Method®, and author of the Emotional Detox book series.  Her most recent book, Energy in Action: The Power of Emotions & Intuition to Cultivate Peace and Freedom, is transforming the way we think about and approach manifesting.  Her book, The Four Gifts of Anxiety, was endorsed by the National Association of Mental Health. Learn more about Sherianna at sheriannaboyle.com.

Imagine starting at rock bottom—homeless, with nothing but the clothes on your back—and rising to become one of the few female senior managers in the male-dominated car sales industry. That’s Jess Sudeall’s journey, one fueled by sheer determination, a relentless work ethic, and the refusal to let anyone or anything stand in her way. In this episode of Real Confidence, she shares my story, from sleeping outside in the dead of winter to breaking barriers in an industry – car sales -  that still struggles to embrace diversity.

She starts by talking about how she grew up in a family of high achievers, including a sister who went to Yale and Harvard, while she chose a very different path. Not only was her journey difficult, Jess found herself homeless, stubbornly refused help, but was determined to make something of myself. Her first job in sales came when she was still living in a homeless shelter, wearing the same outfit every day. Despite this rocky start, she quickly rose to become the top salesperson at every dealership she worked at.

In our conversation, we dive into what it’s like to navigate the car sales industry as a woman of color, and the constant challenges she faced, from blatant sexism and racism to being underestimated and overlooked. More importantly, we get into how Jess didn’t let any of that deter her - she knew her worth, her abilities, and that she could make a difference.

Jess has walked a long, hard road but her story is testament to what’s possible when you have the confidence NOT to give up, even when the odds are stacked against you.

If you're struggling to see a way forward in your own life, her message to you is simple: keep going. You have the power to change your circumstances, no matter how dire they may seem. Listen in to hear more about how Jess triumphed—and how you can, too.

In today’s look-at-me social media world, it’s incredibly easy to get distracted by what others have and what we think we’re missing out on.

For example, I sometimes catch myself wishing for a nicer car or the newest gadget. But then I pause and think, “Wait a minute, I have a pretty great life with what I’ve got.” I remind myself of how lucky I am, especially compared to so many others in the world who have far less. 

And there are some things we can be grateful for that we often don’t think about but connect to confidence in an important way.

Like pride.

Growing up, I was taught that being proud was a negative thing, that it was selfish and could intimidate others. But wow, what a warped perspective that was! 

Pride is not a bad thing. In fact, it’s something we should embrace. Think about it: being proud of who you are and what you’ve accomplished is a key component of confidence.

For example, I’m proud of my kids and their confidence. I’m proud of the two successful companies I’ve built. I’m proud of the beautiful home and pool we’ve created, and our efforts to be environmentally conscious by installing solar panels. It’s not just about physical things or achievements, though. I’m proud of the network I’ve built, the friends I have, and the person I’ve become.

Still, there are days – or weeks – when it feels like everything is wrong. At times like those, I rely on two exercises that we teach at ACI that are designed to remind us of what’s true and anchor us in our core values, needs, and wants, so if there is a gap, we’re also confident we know where to take action that will bring us back to center.

They’re simple, but powerful, almost always lead to profound insights and personal growth and I’m going to walk you through them in this episode. So get a pen and paper ready, and be proud of yourself. 

A Journey to Real Confidence

In this episode, I'm sitting down with John Lawyer, and let me tell you, his story is one you won't want to miss. We're diving deep into his journey from serving in combat zones to facing the challenges of coming home and finding his way again. It's a rollercoaster ride of courage, uncertainty, and ultimately, self-discovery.

As John opened up about his experiences, I was captivated by the twists and turns of his life. From the adrenaline-fueled days in the army to the quiet moments of introspection back home, his story is as real as it gets. And let me tell you, it's not always easy to hear.

But amidst the struggles, there's a glimmer of hope—a moment of clarity that sets John on a path of healing and renewal. It's a journey that's as inspiring as it is relatable, touching on themes of identity, resilience, and the power of self-belief.

As we chatted, I found myself pondering some big questions. How do we find our way when the path ahead seems unclear? How do we silence the doubts and fears that hold us back? John's insights offer a fresh perspective on these age-old dilemmas, reminding us that we're all capable of overcoming even the toughest challenges.

But what I love most about John's story is its universal appeal. Sure, his experiences may be unique, but the lessons he's learned along the way are relevant to us all. Whether you're a veteran adjusting to civilian life or simply someone searching for meaning in a chaotic world, John's journey has something to teach each and every one of us.

Listen in to hear John’s story for yourself and take notes on the guideposts John offers for embarking or continuing on your own confidence journey.

From desert combat zones to a battle within, John Lawyer transformed from soldier to spiritual seeker. He acts as one of several guides for Kishar, a non-profit online spiritual community. This community is a place for people to share their journeys and explore their own unique spiritual path. John is an omnist and believes in the validity of most spiritual and religious beliefs around the world. He offers individual spiritual guidance and coaching services as part of the Kishar Spiritual Community.

It's a tale as old as time—people waking up one day, 10, 20, or 30 years into their career, wondering "what if?" What if they had made different decisions? What if they had pursued that passion they buried deep down? The "what ifs" can haunt you, especially if you find yourself in a job you're not crazy about.

Maybe you ended up in your current career path because of a college class, family expectations, or just because you were good at it. But now, you're realizing it's not your jam. You're good at what you do, sure, but are you happy? Do you light up when you talk about your job? Or do you find yourself making excuses for why you're still in it?

It’s scary to leave behind the familiar and venture into the unknown. But staying in a job that doesn't fulfill you can be even scarier in the long run. it's a big leap into the unknown, after all. But staying in a job that doesn't fulfill you can take a toll on your confidence. You start doubting your abilities, questioning your decisions, and wondering if you'll ever find something that truly lights you up.

I get it—I've been there. I started out as an engineer because I was good at math, but quickly realized it wasn't for me. So, I pivoted, stumbled into product and corporate marketing, and eventually found my true calling in the neuroscience of confidence and teaching people that confidence is a choice -  a skill we can cultivate and learn.

And I wasn’t exactly young when I made that change either. It took time, effort, and a lot of soul-searching, but now I wake up excited about what I do every day.

So, if you're feeling stuck in your career and itching to make a change, listen in. From confronting your fears to identifying your passions, I’ll walk you through how to confidently navigate a career change. After all,  your career is a big part of your identity – shouldn’t it be something you’re proud of?

There are so many trite phrases that get tossed around when life is hard. “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” “This too shall pass.” “When the going gets tough, the tough get going.” “Life doesn’t give you more than you can handle”...and so on.

While there’s a kernel of truth in all those well-intentioned phrases, they can ring hollow when we’ve just been kicked in the gut, are suffering disappointment, experiencing outright failure or the sting of rejection.

Recently I came across someone whose take on adversity was so fresh, I just had to have her on the podcast. Phebe Trotman is a world-class soccer player turned entrepreneur and author and the title of her book is some of the wisest words I’ve seen strung together: Never Quit On a Bad Day.

Phebe and I talked about those Bad Days - the ones that make you want to throw in the towel or fantasize about moving to a remote mountain town where no one knows you and you can start over – and the practices she uses to quiet the voices that make us want to quit while still honoring our hurt or loss.

Phebe’s positive energy and practical tips are inspirational and motivational in the best (not cheesy) ways. If you need some encouragement and wisdom on building confidence and resilience, this episode is more than worth a listen. Cause let's face it, we're all in this together, and a little encouragement goes a long way.

Highlights from our conversation include: 

Phebe Trotman is a successful and heart-centered entrepreneur based in Vancouver, Canada, who is passionate about helping others discover their joy. In both her athletic and professional careers, Phebe’s personal success has been a testament that anything is possible with hard work, dedication, and a team-centered approach. To learn more about Phebe and get a free sample from her book, visit neverquitonabadday.com.

You may already know that I hate the phrase “fake it ‘til you make it”. You can’t just fake confidence and expect it to stick. You can be dressed to the nines and runway-ready, but if you’re not feeling it, if you’re not actively choosing to be confident, people are going to see, smell and otherwise just know it. 

And then you’re just a well-dressed fake.

I’m not saying physical appearance doesn’t matter – because it does – but it’s no substitute for self-respect and being confident and comfortable in your clothes AND skin. Dressing the part can help, but it’s what’s going on inside that really counts.

So how can you look AND be confident? 

I’m glad you asked because that’s what I get into in this episode of Real Confidence: Posture, eye contact, nervous ticks, the words that come out of your mouth, how to teach your brain that it’s go-time by creating positive triggers, and my number one insider tip to help you radiate confidence from the inside out.

Hint: it’s something I teach and preach all the time. Listen in and then drop me a line and let me know if you guessed right!