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Ari Gronich 0:07  

Welcome to another episode of create a new tomorrow. I'm your host, Ari, Gronich. And here I have with me is Kimberly Spencer's, certified high performance coach and founder of crown yourself.com. Welcome to the show. Kimberly. Tony, a bit about yourself.

Kimberly Spencer 0:25  

Thank you so much for having me on re Yeah, I am the certified high performance coach. I'm the founder of crown yourself.com. I specifically work with visionary leaders to help them build their empire and stand out authentically and serve, serve you with their leadership.

Ari Gronich 0:43  

Awesome, very cool. Why don't you tell us a little bit about your background and what got you to this place.

Kimberly Spencer 0:50  

So my background was quite varied. It was very much from a place of following my curiosity, and exploration, I grew up with two entrepreneurial parents. So the entrepreneur gene is kind of like in my blood. But I watched my parents, from a very early age, my dad was an addict. And so I saw that struggle between the higher self and the potential of who he could be, and the addictive state of pharmaceutical drugs of non pharmaceutical drugs and of alcohol and all the things. And I saw the ability to recognize someone's potential very early on, and see someone when they're not living into it, or when they're making excuses for it. And I believe that we're kind of blessed with the children that we need to remind us of who we have been that was kind of programmed and stripped away from us. And I was always a very emotional child. I was big emotions, big feelings. And growing up that wasn't really praised. In my house, I saw my dad escape his emotions, my mom would suppress and repress hers. And so he there I was left with all these big emotions and not knowing what to do with them. And so it turned me into two things one a bulimic and to doing in writing in Hollywood, when I was 17, I got my first feature film produced when I was 20. And it was such a fun experience, being able to have that dream and have seen my name on the up on the big screen. But I was surprised at when I was at the premiere, I was actually only 90% fulfilled. And it was at that time that two weeks later, after the premiere, I got a notification from a friend of my friend who came to the premiere because when you write a movie, you get extra tickets. And so she and her son had come to the premiere and had seen the film and it changed his life based on the story. And the story was a very simple story. That was about a young kid who wants to fit in with the cool crowd. And he adapts himself into the high flying hard partying world of freestyle motocross to do so I didn't know anything about motocross at the time, I just researched it. Like most people are like, Wait crowned yourself and freestyle motocross, I know. But that that experience of learning that something that I created, had transformed somebody's life and the story that they were living in, into some and made them want to be better and recognize their own possibility and their own potential. I was like that, I want to do that. I want to do more of that. At the time, in order to support myself in Hollywood, I was also transforming my own story with with my body and what was possible for my body because I became a Pilates instructor simultaneously. So I started out teaching Pilates, to support myself and my career and entertainment. And it was there that I saw that the power of the mindset, and I was surrounded by different types of clients training 10 hours a day, seeing all these different types of bodies. And it didn't matter whether somebody was technically overweight or technically thin or technically ate healthy or technically didn't, what mattered was how they thought about their bodies. And what matters was how they thought and those thoughts were reflected in, in their actions and in their habits.

Ari Gronich 4:09  

That is, that's fascinating. How is it in Australia during the pandemic? I mean, I hear that they've been pretty shut down. Is that correct?

Kimberly Spencer 4:20  

That was Melbourne. So Melbourne, Australia and that Melbourne where you are and the Gold Coast where I live, it's back to normal like and my son can go to pretender. He can go hug children. We don't have any mask ordinances. Melbourne was the one that was really struggling. There's like no cases in Australia In Australia, right. There's very, very few and there's been no cases in Queensland for the past, like two months. So festivals are coming back. So I keep on trying to inspire my American compadres to be like, come on. It's like it's going to it's going to turn around, I promise you, things will come back. Like, I just saw a beer festival the other weekend. Like,

Ari Gronich 5:09  

that's awesome. So, you know, let's kind of unpack some of the things that you said, one of the things that you said that was fascinating to me is the bulimic for your body is blaming for your finances, which basically, is a good metaphor for life in general, where, you know, the quantum theory of how you do anything, is how you do everything. And so tell us about that a little bit more kind of dig deep into what it is that made that pattern repeat itself, after you had thought that you already took care of the pattern. Yeah.

Kimberly Spencer 5:47  

The the pattern really stemmed from that deeper subconscious belief of enoughness. And from deserving, and from, I mean, if you think of bulimia, I mean, what bulimia was, it was an emotional thing for me. So I didn't know how to process my emotions. So I would shove them down, repress them and then explode. And that was what I did with food. And so with finances and money, that's that was similar to what I was doing, I would take money, and I would receive it I had, I was okay with making sales, but then it would just explode, and then it would explode beyond. And we got me into a nice portion of debt, it would explode beyond the capacity of what I consumed. And it was seeing that parallel of the beliefs of being enough and the emotions that were attached to it. So there's, there's an emotion that comes with receiving, but there's also an emotion that comes from having and nourishing. So a lot of the entrepreneurs that I work with now, they have like money in money out, like there's like there's the bills that they they're able to do make sales and they're receiving money, but then it's immediately money out, there's no profit, there's no profit margin. And there's very little for them to take home personally.

Ari Gronich 7:06  

Gotcha. So let's, let's say, what's the difference between deserve and entitlement? Hmm,

Kimberly Spencer 7:14  

good question. So, entitlement really comes from the ego is what I found is is an egoic belief of an eye like almost like an IRA, or, like I see a lot of fear based beliefs of an entitlement is kind of like the perception that it's, it's more of an egoic perception, it's more of an intention versus the intention of of deserving its grace combined with the desire to then put something out into the world to serve with it. That's what I found is for me, that's just what I've been able to, to navigate with, with my own perceptions of deserving is desert, like everything that I desire to do or create in this world is ultimately to be of service in some way. Versus entitlement is kind of like an entitlement is also I see this reflected in like, Oh, I should have this now. I should have this. Well, you don't. So what's going on in the present moment that we can actually take ownership of entitlement is a lot of times here with so many shoulds and supposed to, like I'm supposed to be farther along by now. I should have, you know, a family were like, why don't I have this right now? versus let's look at where we are, what are the beliefs that are that have me where I'm at right now. And then moving forward from that space and then moving forward from the present? Because if you're moving forward from should you're not even at the starting line, you're on the outskirts looking in, it's like, oh, I should be running that race. Did you get to mile one, did you cross the starting line? like did you get there? You have to go through all the steps to be able to run it, you're not actually in the race yet.

Ari Gronich 9:11  

Okay, so let's take it to one other word that came to my mind as you as you were talking is burden. There, there's a thing and I call it the healers burden or the spiritual burden, where money seems to elude the people who are wanting to give the most. And I don't know that it's a belief necessarily like money is bad because I think that spiritual people really get the idea of an exchange of energy. But it's the burden of if I charge them too much, then I will be a burden to them rather than a benefit. Or, if, if I need something, then I'm a burden to the people around That rather than being a benefit to them in some, some respect or even, you know, being giving a gift is a gift, right? But we rob people of being able to give to us, because we feel like that would be a burden. So let's kind of unpack that, because that was what popped up when you were talking. Yeah.

Kimberly Spencer 10:24  

So what what came up for me is, is ownership. And that is, your own personal ownership is you are allowed to take 100% ownership for your life and your results. You're not allowed to take 10% of anybody else's ownership. You're not like, you're not allowed to take the the burden of somebody else and say, Oh, well, like, let me take ownership over that and then claim that as my burden, that's that's that's overcompensation of ownership. And it's actually it actually leads people into a spiral of of guilt, like massive guilt, versus taking ownership for like I have, these are the prices that I charge, these are the services that I offer. I call this this one money, mothering, when I see it show up and for entrepreneurs, is, it's not my job to be that person's financial advisor for what is best for their life, it is my job to open the door, to give them the possibility to give them the opportunity to say, hey, if if they see the value in it, then awesome, I have seen the value in programs that I'm like, I see the value in that. Not going to be investing in that right now. Versus I've seen the value in some programs where I'm like, I see the value in that I don't quite have the money for it. Like that's how I was when I first signed up for NLP timeline therapy, I saw the value in it. And then I felt this like desire that I knew that I would be able to figure it out, I needed some new tools. And so I knew that making that additional investment going and additional $5,000 into the already 30 5000s of dollars of debt that I was in going in that additional, I would be able to pull myself back out faster and farther with those tools and without them. And so that made the investment worthwhile.

Ari Gronich 12:17  

Absolutely. So why don't you give us about three or four actionable steps, actionable tips, tricks, to becoming the influencer, that you really want to be in life.

Kimberly Spencer 12:31  

So step one, take ownership, you are not your results, you are the cause of your results. So so often, it's very easy for us to identify with our results, the number on a scale the number in our bank balance room, instead, those numbers are just a reflection of the actions that we've taken. So instead of getting down on yourself, or like, Oh, I don't have this or Oh, I I gained five pounds, or Oh, I did this thing. Or Oh, my social media numbers dropped or whatever it is. Look at the actual action steps of like, what did you do this past week that caused that? Look at those action steps and or what did you not do that you had done in the past? Because that will give you that will give you a very clear tactile playbook as far as like what works, what doesn't work for what you're looking to grow. Another tip is to question what you know, quite just ask yourself the question question what you know, whether that's a belief, because everything we're we're working with our beliefs every single day, and they're so unconscious to us. So say, for example, something is just as silly and as simple as like, a belief like, Oh, this, the client turned me down. So that means that you know, I struggle with sales, does it necessarily? Is it possible that maybe that client wasn't the right client for you? And if so, what else could be possible? Is it possible that maybe your messaging is a little off so that you're not attracting the right quiet clients? So allow yourself to ask better questions, ask questions that provide instead of saying, like, why is this happening to me? Ask questions that provide moving forward, like what if this happened to you or what, what and how questions will always produce more strategy and forward thinking than why questions?

Ari Gronich 14:34  

Yeah, I'm one of my mentors used to say, How can it get any better than this? Whether it was horrible. Yep. Really, really good. That question still works. How can it get any better than this? Yep.

Kimberly Spencer 14:52  

And I learned this one from my mentor. It was how is this the best thing that ever happened to you? No matter how awesome It was or the worst. I mean, because and when you look back, because hindsight is not 2020 hindsight, it's an asshole, like hindsight, because you're looking back with the tools and the resources that you have, now that you didn't know when you were making those initial decisions. So, in hindsight, it's not really 2020. So allow yourself to ask those questions that can that can that can lead to greater change?

Ari Gronich 15:26  

It is hindsight is 2020. If 2020 is this year, because we've had an asshole of the year 2020 was not what

Kimberly Spencer 15:42  

2020 definitely allowed for some pretty powerful perspective shifts, and then my last one would definitely be Watch your language. Watch what you're saying yourself. Just Just watch. Are you saying you can't a lot? Are you saying you'll try a lot? These are words in your vocabulary that imply a lot of effort, sometimes, but not necessarily a lot of results. are you? How are you speaking to yourself? How do you think about a problem? When you think about a problem? Do you immediately think, Oh, I can't or Oh, is that's too hard? Or do you think? Oh, heck yeah. Like I can figure this out? I'm gonna figure this out. Watch your language observe, like an anthropologist, and you will have a lot more perspective as to how you are communicating with yourself to produce the results that that you want. Awesome. Yeah, my

Ari Gronich 16:31  

son is checking out the Star Wars world. He's watching the Mandalorian right now with I guess, baby Yoda. And you know that there is no dry. Yeah, whole thing. And so I've been working on because obviously, we always say I'm trying to do this. I'm doing you know, but I've been working on doing my best. I'll do my best. And so yeah, we'll try. Just because that whole, I will do my best is an action. And try doesn't exist. Like, you can't pick a quarter off somebody's hand because either you do or you don't. So it doesn't really exist.

Kimberly Spencer 17:16  

And implies a lot of effort, though. And sometimes that effort makes people feel good, but or feel feel that necessary social guilt that they feel is required to feel, but doesn't actually produce results.

Ari Gronich 17:28  

So how can people get ahold of you if they'd like to work with you?

Kimberly Spencer 17:33  

So you can get a hold of me at Crownyourself.com super simple. And you can also email [email protected] and I am on all the socials. You can find me at Crown yourself now.

Ari Gronich 17:44  

Awesome. Thank you so much for being here. This has been a great episode. I hope you took dubious notes and made it something that you can actually take with you and action upon do today because we always want to create a new tomorrow today. Thank you so much. I'm your host, Ari gronich, and we'll see you next time.