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Ari Gronich 0:00  

Has it occurred to you that the systems we live by are not designed to get results? We pay for procedures instead of outcomes, focusing on emergencies rather than preventing disease and living a healthy lifestyle. For over 25 years, I've taken care of Olympians Paralympians a list actors in fortune 1000 companies decide not get results, they did not get results. I realized that while powerful people who control the system want to keep the status quo, if I were to educate the masses, you would demand change. So I'm taking the gloves off and going after the systems as they are joining me on my mission to create a new tomorrow as I chat with industry experts, elite athletes, thought leaders and government officials about how we activate our vision for a better world. We may agree and we may disagree, but I'm not backing down. I'm Ari, Gronich and this is create a new tomorrow podcast.

Welcome back to another episode of create a new tomorrow. I'm your host, Ari gronich And I have with me, Carolyn Colleen. Carolyn is a fierce mother of three children, author, international speaker, entrepreneur and business strategist, focused on helping others achieve their goals. She's the founder of the fierce network, an online program that helps women create life strategies that enable them to have the life they dream of, without sacrificing family, career or lifestyle. She's also the author of fierce to transform your life in the face of adversity. Five minutes at a time. Welcome to the show. Thank you for coming.

Carolyn Colleen 1:45  

I already Thanks for having me. I'm excited to be here.

Ari Gronich 1:48  

Cool. So tell the audience a little bit about yourself how you became who you are, and and what kinds of things are you really passionate about?

Carolyn Colleen 2:00  

Well, I'm excited to share, you know, a little bit of my journey and a bit about, you know, what I'm excited about right now. And Hi, that's where I am. So I am as you shared in my bio, I'm a proud mother of three. There's a lot of different things that I'm I'm proud of in my life and in my business. But things weren't always sunshiny. In my very short lifetime, I've experienced so far, I've experienced a lot of adversity. So when you start a very young, young age, sexual abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse, which guided the way that I saw the world, and it guided a lot of my perspective, and it also guided the way that I defined love, self love, and self worth giving, giving growing up in a household with quite a bit of mental health, untreated mental health disorders. And having the ebbs and the flows and the ups and the downs. with, you know, perhaps many of the people in your audience, when you talk about therapy, there's untreated mental health in the abs, the flow, some days are great, and some days are really, really bad. And so the choices that I made giving that foundation put me into a an abusive marriage, and I was in an abusive marriage that I, I escaped after my daughter was born. And I ended up in low income housing, and I crawled my way out of love, I crawl my way out of the circle of poverty, and then crawling my way out of the circle of abuse. And amongst that time, I learned quite a few things in learning 20 years of therapy, which I advocate for, and then also I found a life coach or coach that helped me really, not only with therapy, realizing what was wrong with me and why I made the decisions I made, but then in coaching, identifying what was right with me, and elevating from there. Then on my journey, I found people in my life that believed in me and kind of said, Hey, you know, we figured this out, we can kind of help break free from some of these circles and glass ceilings we've experienced. And I took my career to an even higher level. And having that support. Having those mentors helped me get to where I am now, which is like you shared author, speaker, business owner, serial entrepreneur. And my mission in life is really to reflect on the adversity that I've experienced in my short lifetime, and how to make an advantage because all the things that did happen, they happened, but how can I you know, help myself and help others really slip The script and create a new tomorrow.

Ari Gronich 5:03  

Awesome. So what do you think the fine line between victim and Victor is? What do you think that that transition when you stepped over the line from victim to Victor, and what kinds of things might other people be able to do to do the same thing.

Carolyn Colleen 5:23  

You know, it's a self, it's an inside work. So from victim, victim, the victim mentality, because that that underlies fear that underlies the thought which I truly had, that I was put here to be abused and used. And that's a victim mentality. And with that mentality, that's all I knew at the time, which also bred for more bad things to happen. And so, breaking out of that victim mentality, realizing that I had the courage to to move forward and out of that, actually was a transitional point. So I remember it specifically. It was 4am in the morning, my daughter was colicky, and colic means babies screaming for non stop, and there's no cure. And the doctors say good luck. So she was screaming for two months straight, she was two months old. So sleep deprived, not only from having a newborn baby, but then also being in a relationship that was very abusive. So I, at four in the morning, I, I was at the end of my rope, and I prayed. And I said, whoever's out there, send me a sign of some kind, anything, because I don't know what to do. And I'm about to break. In at four in the morning, as the sun was coming out of the sky, my daughter stopped crying. And she looked me directly in the eyes, as if she was looking into my soul saying to me, I'm your sign. And in that pivotal moment, I realized that I didn't have the love for myself in which to leave my relationship, and create a new life and a new tomorrow. But I did have love for my daughter. So I borrowed the love I had for my daughter and which to create that enough courage to push out of that victim mentality, and inch toward Victor. And I did that. And I moved forward. And I started to actually learn how to love myself also.

Ari Gronich 7:33  

exoticism sounds good. So, you know, taking that to another level, because this shows a really a lot about systems. So what do you think the systems are that lead you into having, you know, that kind of early life, and which are the things that you think will would be good ways or solutions to even having those kinds of things happen on a regular basis as they do?

Carolyn Colleen 8:04  

So within the conditioning, I would say, of a life like that, you have to be able to pause, you need to be able to reflect and you meet need to be able to process that, and really leave it as, okay, it happened, it's real, doesn't mean it was right or wrong, but how, what are you going to build moving forward. So what I did is, after I left my relationship, I was standing there in line at the Salvation Army, looking around realizing that this is not the life that I want, it is not the list the light that I had, wanted to have or designed, but I built a way in which to break free into, basically reverse engineer. So when looking at taking a deep breath, focusing on one goal, and then taking action five minutes at a time, I found that the emotions that come up, you can use them as fuel to push you in a positive direction, and be able to build those systems that you speak up and do it five minutes at a time. So when you're struggling, go ahead.

Ari Gronich 9:18  

I'm talking more societal Lee. So there's a societal pandemic of childhood abuse of, you know, abandonment of all these kinds of things. So I'm talking more on on a societal level. What do you think is is possible society wise, what are some solutions that we could start implementing possibly for taking care of this at that macro level versus just the micro level?

Carolyn Colleen 9:49  

Oh, yes, of course. So I agree with you. There's definitely a systematic issue. So there's a lot of hype or a lot of talk about Everest. experiences? Are you familiar?

Ari Gronich 10:02  

Yep, absolutely.

Carolyn Colleen 10:03  

So on a scale of one to 10, adverse childhood experiences. And so the higher your score, the more likely you are to develop cancer, heart disease, and not 20 years off of your life. There's definitely a bigger movement around resilience and how you can build resilience in order to combat that. But not only that, as a society, and as communities, we can educate. And how do you how do you break down systematic oppression, through education and access, and I don't mean, walking into a college, I'm talking about educating yourself, not just education, and creating structural communities. And in order to do that, we as a people need to be able to create and implement, how do you look into the future? What is that vision? What are your finances in which to support that vision? Is it vertical income? Is it horizontal income? Is it passive income? What does that look like? Who are the people that are influencing your dream? What is that you're the average of the five people closest to you, either an income and mindset in health. And then also in your wellness, what's your mindset, your mind, body, and spirit. And that's, that is what is called a core four, which is actually a, an impact to creating structural community, because in order for us to elevate as a nation as a world, and elevate out of hardship, we need to be able to provide education and access to people who don't have it, they don't realize it's there. And so that is my thought process on systematic change. And by doing that, and being able to collect that data, understanding, what are your adverse, what are your Ace scores? What are how do you shift that impact? How you educate people on actually remembering how to dream? Or even learning how to dream? Have A Dream? And then how do you support it? What do you what is the finances, the finances that you need and wish to support it? And then also, what's the market for it? And so it doesn't necessarily mean you have to take 15 years of college in which to have and build a career, but also, you know, how are you thinking differently in which to get to where you want to go? And that's a bit of, you know, honoring, alright, like, you know, you might be able to people that may have struggled with addiction, per se, or different different struggles? How do you take that advantage that you learned, that adversity that you, you experienced and turn it into an advantage? I had a conversation with somebody last week, who used to be addicted to drugs, and alcohol. And the way that they hustled after that addiction, they flip the switch and hustle after their business, but being very resourceful. Because when you look at someone who is being resourceful they can they're able to come up with come up with ideas in which to survive. How do you do that in your business? Right.

Ari Gronich 13:12  

So for an individual being resilient, you know, you can say be resilient to somebody, they don't necessarily know what that means, how to do it, what the steps might be, on a societal level, you know, there, there's a theory that the repression of a society leads to the aggression of the people, which basically means that the more you repress something, the more it acts out in bad ways. And, for instance, in our society, you know, you don't see nude bodies, in TV commercials. And on the television, the body is kind of shamed. And then it's made to be, you know, sex is made to be some kind of nasty, bad thing. But in the countries where they're more open with their bodies, where that's not happening, they have less sexual assaults, less abuse that way. Same thing with drugs, you know, the societies that have legalized drugs more versus repressing it more, it doesn't have as negative impact on the people or on this the communities and society. So I'm talking on that macro level. If, if we're going to shift the cycle of abuse in general, what are some of the things that you would suggest we need to do as a society and then as individuals specifically?

Carolyn Colleen 14:46  

Well, it sounds like that overall theme is really it sounds to me like that what you resist persists. And so how do you again, this goes back to education and what's accepted. You're just sharing How within our country compared to other countries in the short of the body, and how other countries might see it as beautiful. And then our country might see it, their culture might see it as shameful. And so, education and the culture, how do we lean in to change something like that? Well, it takes quite a bit quite a bit in order to be able to change our mindset. But I think it starts with, for example, like standing up, like, when you're looking at abuse, or you're looking at, you know, familial generations of abuse, there's, you might have, you know, 98% of people aren't doing that. And then you have 2% that are, so, but they're the ones that seem to just make passes. And so how does the 98% help influence the culture and that standby, be very similar to what you're saying about leaning in and really appreciating the body? And, and cultures that think that is beautiful, and that you do share, you know, and expose more of your body parts compared to some cultures that don't? And, and why is it taboo. So I think it has to do again, with the education and the cultural acceptance, but having people stand up more, it seems like in our, in our culture, there's a lot of people are less, they speak less about, about things, compared to speaking more.

Ari Gronich 16:40  

It's interesting, I'm preparing a TEDx talk. And it's on the basis of quote that I like to say often, which is, silence is a bully's best friend. And we allow bullies, so to speak of all kinds, to take us out of doing or being something that is for our own benefit our own self good. And that's our good as an individual and our good as people. So we see something like, you know, in my field, agriculture, I, you know, poison the ground, poison, the food, poison, poison, poison, everything. And then nobody's really standing up and talking, and allowing it to happen. And so the thing that, that I agree with you on is that silence is a bully's best friend. And we need to start standing up speaking up, whether it's in your families, as individuals, to other members of not your family, or even in your family, you know, break that taboo of, we don't tell these secrets, so to speak. And until you tell the secrets, the cycle will continue. So

Carolyn Colleen 18:05  

I agree and as a, on a more macro level, it's those secrets are considered to be agenda. Because we don't talk about it enough. So until it's talked about more, it's, you know, as we talk about it more, it's less of an agenda and more of a truth. So

Ari Gronich 18:26  

yeah, absolutely. That's, you know, for for the reference just to kind of pass through is, we need to have more town hall meetings we need involved in the civics of their community and in government, we need people who can make a difference, to step up and make a difference businesses etc. But we need to start having these conversations. Now, here's the caveat to me, we need to have the conversations in a civil way. And preferably with like an old an old world debate kind of, you know, tone versus a new world debate kind of atone meaning we actually talk similarly we Mac mark, March facts versus facts versus, you know, hyperboles and sound bites, these kinds of things, right.

Carolyn Colleen 19:20  

Yeah, I agree. And perhaps, perhaps, you know, as we're creating this, we can throw in a class of emotional intelligence as a requirement to sit on the board. Whoo,

Ari Gronich 19:31  

tell me more about that. Let's see how that how that would play out.

Carolyn Colleen 19:35  

Well, you know, with emotional intelligence and really separating the emotion of the word said to the actual understanding and like bringing in Okay, you have an opinion, I have an opinion, like you said that respect, but then also not acting on the emotion that might be triggered when that when that discussion comes up, because what happens in a lot of times is that it If we're triggered by emotion, we say things that we don't truly, authentically mean, and doesn't technically help us. But it might make us feel, you know, like, we have a little edge in the moment, or, you know, depending on how we speak to ourselves and our own self talk, what comes out, and it may not help us in the moment. So with emotional intelligence training, we can have that requirement on the board, we might have better discussions, and we might actually get to, you know, a better solution to create something better, because I think a lot of times when people are acting an emotion that they feel threatened or their ego gets in the way, we're not actually getting to a solution, just simply blowing a lot of air.

Ari Gronich 20:46  

That's awesome. So learning to listen is part of that emotional intelligence that you're talking about, and learning to listen, not for what you're going to say next, not for how you're going to respond. But learning to listen to understand what the point of view of the other is. So if you can imagine being in a room where two people are having a conversation, one is talking first, no interruptions, and they're just explaining their point of view on any given subject. And then you have the other person, repeat back what it is that they said. And then start the I agree with this. I disagree with that. And this is why and Here, let me help you understand my point of view. And now we have this civil discussion that actually gets to a deep place of understanding versus this polarization of society. Right,

Unknown Speaker 21:47  

exactly.

Carolyn Colleen 21:49  

And going even a step further and appreciating what brings us together as humans. Because if you can come together from a place of appreciating, you know, even even this past year, this isn't our first rodeo, we've I mean, as humans, you know, we've seen adversities. But how do we appreciate ourselves as as, as humans, we all are after a very similar things to be loved to be accepted to be understood. If we can come and add that to the discussion of you know, what? That that triggers me, that makes me You know, you're trying to up my practice here, and that upsets me, okay, and be able to voice it and say, authentic, authentically, so that you can get to a solution? Like, yeah, you're trying to up my taxes, but I'm trying to do this. First, we need to do this for your school, and you have kids, let's talk about this, you know, or maybe you don't, and, and, and just really having generative conversation.

Ari Gronich 22:48  

Yeah, absolutely. So what what else, you know, you you've reorganized? nonprofits, you've gone from corporate to entrepreneur lifestyle, that pivot that you, you know, that you've made throughout your life? How did you decide what and how to pivot into and then obviously, the courage because a lot of people really have struggle with change in general. And it takes them a long time to decide to get out of a situation or a company or a thing that they've committed to. So how did you decide to, to make those pivots and changes? And what was the struggle along with the reward or the the happy ending?

Carolyn Colleen 23:46  

Yeah, you've mentioned, you know about the systems and I take it to a personal system level of reflection. One was getting around people that challenged the way I thought, because if you're the smartest person in the room, you need a new room. And so that's I moved myself into different rooms to try and think differently and challenged the way I thought, but then again, then from my systematic approach, writing down all the different things within my lifetime in my career that I really love to do that I'm like, Hey, I'm kind of good at that. So I put a whiteboard moment, as I'm sure you can appreciate his, you know, putting up all these ideas up on my whiteboard of know what what am I good at? And what do I like to do and what did I learn on this journey of, you know, being whole 42 years old? What can I learn? And, and what I saw as I started looking at it is one I laid out my career and the different things that I learned throughout the different jobs that I had as I grew and then within that, I laid out the different things that I learned as I grew professionally and personally, because you can grow and you can crush it professionally. Sure. But you could also leave behind your personal development. And so I wanted to put that in there and see like, what do I love to do? What's my Why? And people struggle with that, why they struggle with? Well, what's my purpose? Why am I even here, and getting underneath the why it was so very important. I realized, as I reflected back on my life, that I wanted to be able to provide impact, because the people who just simply smiled at me, when I was dealing with depression, or people that took a moment, to give me that space in honor me as a person, like that feeling, is what I was after, in order to give to other people. So as I looked at that, I realized that I'm growing up in a household where and being able to break free out of abuse and break free out of poverty. Wow, you could put that into a career because you know how to build systems, you know how to connect the dots, that some people can't even see the dots, I mean, I know how to make something out of nothing, which is, you know, when you have nothing, you learn how to do that. And you can actually, that's, that's what you call a strategist. And so figuring out careers and jobs and different things that you can bring to the table, from what you've experienced in your life. So when I decided that I was going to take that leap from corporate America, it was a vision. And the vision was that I wanted to be able to travel with my kids. That's it. And I didn't need to know how I was going to get there. I just needed to know the why. Because what if one of my good friend says is once the Why has heart The how gets legs? So I had to sit with the why. And really, it didn't have to be you know, I'm going to be the next presidential candidate is I just wanted to hang out with my kids. So how do I how do I do that? And then I line up the finances, figure out how to make up make a leap. But make a safe leap? Because I have kids to raise and figure out the market for it and what what, what, how can I support myself? What do I need what I need to do in order to do that?

Ari Gronich 27:24  

Awesome. This is some some great tips, if you could turn it into like three to four actionable steps that somebody can immediately do versus just the concepts which are eight. What would they be?

Carolyn Colleen 27:40  

One, sit down with your why. And how do you do that? You think about when is the last time you felt fulfilled? Where were you? Who were you around? What brought you joy? And it could have been a long time ago? Or it could have been last week? Think about what that is? Where were you? What were you doing? And how did it feel? When I did this specific exercise, I thought back and I remembered when I was little, and I wanted to be Whitney Houston. I love Whitney Houston. I didn't necessarily want to be a rock star. I just wanted to be able to give people that feeling that I felt when I listen to her music. Well, that opens up the door for a lot of things then. So getting under the why Remember, the last time you felt fulfilled? What did it feel like? Who was around you? What were you doing? That will bring you back to your WHY? Second thing? identity identifying what you like what that could be? What could that translate into? Like I said before, looking at the different adding up the different things that you've done in your life, perhaps I just had the person say, well, I've done um, I worked in a an apple orchard. And I loved being outside and I loved having the sun on my on my face. I did not like the amount of income that I made, but I loved being outside. Okay, cool. Well, you know how to pick apples, you know how to be an orchard? You know, you like to be outside? What if you push that a little further? What if you created a business of having employees and you were the person that led the people were picking the apples, you can still be outside? You know the logistics, you know the lamp, you know where to go, you know how to find these people, right? So maybe it's understanding what you love to do, and then thinking slightly bigger. What if you love to do something like picking apples or you enjoy being outside? But what if you're the one who owned it? How do you build relationships in which to find people that need Apple pickers, or that need people to be outside and they know how to pick the most apples the fastest, with the most, the most, most outcome? So just leveling that thought process up slightly. And then the other thing is removing barrier Everyone is afraid of, well, you know, my uncle told me that I need to get two years of college in or date I need to get a certificate for that I needed it. Yeah, you might need to gain some education on some things, but it doesn't mean you have to go 200,000 in debt in order to get there. You just need to see, okay, well, you know, I don't know a whole lot about I know how to Apple pic. But I don't know a whole lot about building relationships. Well, you know what, you better get in there and read a book or two, how to win and Influence People First one off the top of my mind. But thinking about not necessarily spending all that money, but thinking how to get razor sharp and understanding what's the first thing that I would need to learn in order to think a little bit bigger and putting into yourself development?

Ari Gronich 30:47  

Awesome. Thank you so much. How can people get ahold of you if they'd like to, to work with you or get more information about your book?

Carolyn Colleen 30:56  

Yeah. Carolyn colleen.com. So, C A R O L Y N C O L L E E N.COM 

Ari Gronich 31:04  

That's awesome. Thank you so much for being here, Carolyn. I really appreciate it. I hope that the audience got a whole lot out of the show. And, you know, we're here to create a new tomorrow today. So let's activate your vision for a better world. Remember to Like, Subscribe, comment, and rate and review and all of those things that make us be able to have great conversations with you. Talk to you later. And we'll see on the next episode of a new tomorrow. Thank you. Thank you for listening to this podcast. I appreciate all you do to create a new tomorrow for yourself and those around you. If you'd like to take this information further and are interested in joining a community of like minded people who are all passionate about activating their vision for a better world. Go to the website, create a new tomorrow.com and find out how you can be part of making a bigger difference. I have a gift for you just for checking it out and look forward to seeing you take the leap and joining our private paid mastermind community. Until then, see you on the next episode.