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Ari Gronich 0:07  

Welcome back to another episode of create a new tomorrow. I'm your host, Ari Gronich and I have with me Carolyn Colleen. Carolyn is a fierce mother of three children, author, international speaker, entrepreneur and business strategist, focused on helping others achieve their goals. She's the founder of the fierce network, an online program that helps women create life strategies that enable them to have the life they dream of, without sacrificing family, career or lifestyle. She's also the author of fierce transform your life in the face of adversity. Five minutes at a time. Welcome to the show. Thank you for coming.

Carolyn Colleen 0:47  

I already Thanks for having me. I'm excited to be here.

Ari Gronich 0:50  

Cool. So tell the audience a little bit about yourself how you became who you are, and and what kinds of things are you really passionate about?

Carolyn Colleen 1:02  

Well, I'm excited to share, you know, a little bit of my journey and a bit about, you know, what I'm excited about right now and high that where I am. So I am, as you shared in my bio, I'm a proud mother of three. There's a lot of different things that I'm I'm proud of in my life and in my business. But things weren't always sunshiny. In my very short lifetime, I've experienced far, I've experienced a lot of adversity. So when you start a very young, young age, sexual abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse, which guided the way that I saw the world, and it guided a lot of my perspective, and it also guided the way that I defined love, self love and self worth. Awesome.

Ari Gronich 1:50  

So what do you think the fine line between victim and Victor is? What do you think that that transition when you stepped over the line from victim to Victor, and what kinds of things might other people be able to do to do the same thing,

Carolyn Colleen 2:10  

you know, it's a self, it's an inside work. So from victim, victim, the victim mentality, because that that underlies fear that underlies the thought which I truly had, that I was put here to be abused and used. And that's a victim mentality. And with that mentality, that's all I knew, at the time, which also bred for more bad things to happen. And so breaking out of that victim mentality, realizing that I had the courage to to move forward and out of that, actually was a transitional point.

Ari Gronich 2:54  

That's awesome. Sounds good. So, you know, taking that to another level, because this shows a really a lot about systems. So what do you think the systems are that lead you into having, you know, that kind of early life, and which are the things that you think will would be good ways or solutions to even having those kinds of things happen on a regular basis as they do?

Carolyn Colleen 3:25  

So within the conditioning, I would say, of a life like that, you have to be able to pause, you need to be able to reflect and you need to be able to process that, and really leave it as, okay, it happened. It's real, doesn't mean it was right or wrong, but how what are you going to build moving forward. So what I did is, after I left my relationship, I was standing there in line at the Salvation Army. Looking around realizing that this is not the life that I want, it is not the list the light that I had, wanted to have or designed, but I built a way in which to break free into, basically reverse engineer. So when looking at taking a deep breath, focusing on one goal, and then taking action five minutes at a time, I found that the emotions that come up, you can use them as fuel to push you in a positive direction, and be able to build those systems that you speak of, and do it five minutes at a time. So when you're struggling, go ahead.

Ari Gronich 4:39  

I'm talking more societal Lee. So there's a societal pandemic of child abuse of, you know, abandoned men of all these kinds of things. So I'm talking more on on a societal level. What do you think is is possible society wise, what are some social solutions that we could start implementing possibly for taking care of this at that macro level versus just the micro level?

Carolyn Colleen 5:10  

Oh, yes, of course. So, I agree with you, there's definitely a systematic issue. So there's a lot of hype or a lot of talk about adverse childhood experiences. Are you familiar?

Ari Gronich 5:23  

Yep, absolutely.

Carolyn Colleen 5:24  

So on a scale of one to 10, adverse childhood experiences. And so the higher your score, the more likely you are to develop cancer, heart disease, and not 20 years off of your life. There's definitely a bigger movement around resilience and how you can build resilience in order to combat that. But not only that, as a society, and as communities, we can educate, and how do you how do you break down systematic oppression, through education and access, and I don't mean, walking into a college, I'm talking about educating yourself, not just education, and creating structural communities. And in order to do that we as a people need to be able to create and implement, how do you look into the future? What is that vision? What are your finances in which to support that vision?

Ari Gronich 6:20  

for an individual being resilient, you know, you can say be resilient to somebody, they don't necessarily know what that means, how to do it, what the steps might be, on a societal level, you know, there's a theory that the repression of a society leads to the aggression of the people, which basically means that the more you repress something, the more it acts out in bad ways. And, for instance, in our society, you know, you don't see nude bodies, in TV commercials. And on the television, the body is kind of shamed. And then it's made to be, you know, sex is made to be some kind of nasty, bad thing. But in the countries where they're more open with their bodies, where that's not happening, they have less sexual assaults, less abuse that way. Same thing with drugs, you know, the societies that have legalized drugs more versus repressing it more, it doesn't have as negative impact on the people or on this the communities in society. So I'm talking on that macro level, if, if we're going to shift the cycle of abuse in general, what are some of the things that you would suggest we need to do as a society and then as individuals specifically?

Carolyn Colleen 7:52  

Well, it sounds like that overall theme is really, it sounds to me like that what you resist persists. And so how do you again, this goes back to education and what's accepted, like you're just sharing how within our country compared to other countries in the short of the of the body, and how other countries might see it as beautiful. And then our country might see it, or culture might see it as shameful. And so, education and a culture, how do we lean in to change something like that? Well, it takes quite a bit quite a bit, in order to be able to change our mindset. But I think it starts with, for example, like standing up, like, when you're looking at abuse, or you're looking at, you know, familial generations of abuse, there's, you might have, you know, 98% of people aren't doing that. And then you have 2% that are so, but they're the ones that seem to just make passes. And so how does the 98% help influence the culture and that standby, it'd be very similar to what you're saying about leaning in and really appreciating the body and, and cultures that think that is beautiful, and that you do share, you know, and expose more of your body parts compared to some cultures that don't. And and why is it taboo? So I think it has to do again, with the education and the cultural acceptance, but having people stand up more, it seems like in our, in our culture, there's a lot of people are less, they speak less about, about things, compared to speaking more.

Ari Gronich 9:46  

It's interesting, I'm preparing a TEDx talk, and it's on the basis of a quote that I like to say often which is silence is a bully. His best friend. And we allow bullies, so to speak of all kinds, to take us out of doing or being something that is for our own benefit our own self good. And that's our good as an individual and are good as people. So we see something like, you know, in my field, agriculture, I, you know, poison the ground poison, the food, poison, poison, poison everything. And then nobody's really standing up and talking, and allowing it to happen. And so that the thing that that I agree with you on is that silence is a bully's best friend. And we need to start standing up speaking up, whether it's in your families, as individuals, to other members of not your family, or even in your family, you know, break that taboo of, we don't tell these secrets, so to speak. And until you tell the secrets, the cycle will continue. So

Carolyn Colleen 11:11  

I agree. And as I, on a more macro level, it's those secrets are considered to be agenda. Because we don't talk about it enough. So until it's talked about more, it's, you know, as we talk about it more, it's less of an agenda and more of a truth. So

Ari Gronich 11:32  

yeah, absolutely. That's, you know, for for the reference, just to kind of pass through is, we need to have more town hall meetings we need involved in the civics of their community and in government, we need people who can make a difference, to step up and make a difference businesses, etc. But we need to start having these conversations. Now, here's the caveat to me, we need to have the conversations in a civil way. And preferably with like an old, an old world debate kind of, you know, tone versus a new world debate kind of atone meaning we actually talk similarly we Mac mark, March facts versus facts versus, you know, hyperboles, and sound bites, these kinds of things, right. Yeah,

Carolyn Colleen 12:26  

I agree. And perhaps, perhaps, you know, as we're creating this, we can throw in a class of emotional intelligence as a requirement to sit on the board.

Ari Gronich 12:36  

Whoo, tell me more about that. Let's see how that how that would play out?

Carolyn Colleen 12:40  

Well, you know, with emotional intelligence, and really separating the emotion of the word said, to the actual understanding, and like bringing in, okay, you have an opinion, I have an opinion, like you said that respect, but then also not acting on the emotion that might be triggered when that when that discussion comes up. Because what happens in a lot of times, is that if we're triggered by emotion, we say things that we don't truly, authentically mean. It doesn't technically help us. But it might make us feel, you know, like, we have a little edge in the moment, or, you know, depending on how we speak to ourselves and our own self talk, what comes out, and it may not help us in the moment. So with emotional intelligence training, we can have that requirement on the board, we might have better discussions, and we might actually get to, you know, a better solution to create something better. Because a lot of times when people are acting an emotion, they feel threatened or their ego gets in the way, we're not actually getting to a solution, just simply blowing a lot of air.

Ari Gronich 13:52  

That's awesome. So learning to listen as part of that emotional intelligence that you're talking about, and learning to listen, not for what you're going to say next, not for how you're going to respond. But learning to listen to understand what the point of view of the other is. So if you can imagine being in a room where two people are having a conversation, one is talking first, no interruptions, and they're just explaining their point of view on any given subject. And then you have the other person, repeat back what it is that they said. And then start the I agree with this. I disagree with that. And this is why and Here, let me help you understand my point of view. And now we have this civil discussion that actually gets to a deep place of understanding versus this polarization of society. Right, exactly. great tips if you could turn it into like three to four actionable steps. that somebody can immediately do versus just the concepts which are eight. What would they be?

Carolyn Colleen 15:08  

One? Sit down with your WHY? And how do you do that? You think about? When is the last time you felt fulfilled? Where were you? Who were you around? What brought you joy? And it could have been a long time ago. Or it could have been last week. Think about what that is, where were you? What were you doing? And how did it feel? When I did this specific exercise, I thought back and I remember when I was little, and I wanted to be Whitney Houston. I love Whitney Houston. I didn't necessarily want to be a rock star. I just wanted to be able to give people that feeling that I felt want to listen to her music. Well, that opens up the door for a lot of things then. So getting under the why Remember, the last time you felt fulfilled? What did it feel like? Who was around you? What were you doing? That will bring you back to your WHY? Second thing? identifying what you like, what that could be? What could that translate into? Like I said before, looking at the different adding up the different things that you've done in your life, perhaps I just had the person say, well, I've done um, I worked in a an apple orchard. And I loved being outside and I loved having the sun on my on my face. I did not like the amount of income that I made, but I loved being outside. Okay, cool. Well, you know how to pick apples, you know how to be an orchard? You know, you like to be outside? What if you push that a little further? What if you created a business of having employees and you were the person that led the people were picking the apples, you can still be outside, you know, the logistics, you know, the land, you know where to go, you know how to find these people, right? So maybe it's understanding what you love to do, and then thinking slightly bigger? What if you love to do something like picking apples or you enjoy being outside? But what if you're the one who owned it? How do you build relationships in which to find people that need Apple pickers, or that need people to be outside and they know how to pick the most apples the fastest, with the most, the most? Most outcome? So just leveling that thought process up slightly. And then the other thing is removing the barrier Everyone is afraid of? Well, you know, my uncle told me that I need to get two years of college in or I need to get a certificate for that I needed it. Yeah, you might need to gain some education on some things, but it doesn't mean you have to go 200,000 in debt in order to get there. You just need to see, okay, well, you know, I don't know a whole lot about I know how to Apple pic. But I don't know a whole lot about building relationships. Well, you know what, you better get in there and read a book or two, how to win and Influence People First one off the top of my mind. But thinking about not necessarily spending all that money, but thinking how to get razor sharp and understanding what's the first thing that I would need to learn in order to think a little bit bigger and putting into yourself development.

Ari Gronich 18:15  

Awesome. Thank you so much. How can people get ahold of you if they'd like to, to work with you or get more information about your book?

Carolyn Colleen 18:24  

Yeah. Carolyn colleen.com. So, CAROLYN COLLEEN. 

Ari Gronich 18:32  

That'sawesome. Thank you so much for being here, Carolyn. I really appreciate it. I hope that the audience got a whole lot out of the show. And, you know, we're here to create a new tomorrow today. So let's activate your vision for a better world. Remember to like, subscribe, comment and rate and review and all of those things that make us be able to have great conversations with you. Talk to you later, and we'll see on the next episode of a new tomorrow. Thank you.