After waking up in a post-apocalyptic hangover haze, we set off on a sketchy $1 death bus to Baños, Ecuador—home of waterfalls, jungle swings, and accidental acid trips. What followed was a chaotic mix of psychedelics, near-death experiences, and one unforgettable ride in a duct-taped go-kart up a mountain. This is the story of why you should *never* let a backpacker drive on LSD.