welcome back to said out loud, the podcast where we say the things out loud, even when they’re weird, slightly unhinged, or kind of uncomfortable.

hi hello how are you, so happy you are sitting down or running around with me today

okay, so… it’s late. i’m in my luteal phase. my brain is foggy, my body feels like a water balloon, and i just made turkey bowls that no one in this house appreciated enough.

but! a few days ago, i posted this carousel, “five things i thought were normal growing up that i’m not passing down”, and apparently i wasn’t the only one feeling it.

so many of you voted to make it a full podcast episode. and honestly, i’m glad. because this is one of those conversations i think we need to have

not when we feel shiny and motivational, but exactly like this.

tired. a little wobbly. but still trying to show up softer and better for our kids.

so let’s talk about it.

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part 1: why this conversation matters

i didn’t grow up in a bad home. i don’t have some kind of tragic backstory.

but i did grow up in a world where so many toxic patterns were just… normal.

we didn’t talk about feelings. productivity was praised more than presence. weight loss was the holy grail of self-control.

and most of the women i saw

including the younger version of myself

were exhausted, self-sacrificing, and quietly resentful.

so now here i am, 38, standing in the middle of my kitchen, raising two kids, trying to teach them things i had to unlearn in therapy.

and it’s hard.

because you’re not just parenting them.

you’re re-parenting yourself.

in real time.

every day.

without a script.

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1. tying your worth to productivity

this one hits hard for me because i still struggle with it.

i feel guilty when i rest. i feel like i have to earn my breaks.

but with my kids, i’m learning to celebrate curiosity, effort, even boredom.

not just checklists.

not just gold stars.

they don’t need to hustle for love or value.

they’re enough just being themselves.

and honestly, saying that out loud? reminds me that i am too.

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2. women doing all the emotional labor

oh boy. this one.

i’m not just raising kids

i’m raising a daughter who might be someone’s partner one day, and a son who might be, too.

and i refuse to send either of them into the world thinking it’s normal for one person

usually the woman, to carry the entire mental load.

we share chores. we talk about feelings. we don’t assume “mom just knows.”

even if it’s inconvenient. even if it’s messy.

because no one should feel like the house manager of someone else’s life.

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3. skipping breakfast = willpower

i used to be so proud of myself for drinking coffee and surviving until 2 p.m.

now i look back and i’m like… babe. that wasn’t discipline. that was disordered eating.

i don’t want my kids to think ignoring their body is something to be proud of.

now? i eat real food. i don’t skip meals. i make sure i get protein every day

and i tell them: food is fuel. you deserve to feel good. period.

we dont call certain foods bad or good

we listen to how food makes our bodies feel

and we appreciate the energy we get when we’re eating the right stuff and pay attention to what happens when maybe we don’t make the best choice, but we never vilify food.

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4. never talking about feelings or therapy

i dont think its a stretch to say most of us grew up with “what happens in this house stays in this house” energy.

emotions were inconvenient. you were either fine or dramatic.

but in our house now?

we talk.

we say “i’m sorry.” we say “that hurt me.” we say “i’m overwhelmed and i need a minute.”

we normalize therapy.

we normalize nervous system support.

i want my kids to feel like they’re safe

even in the mess.

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5. always apologizing for taking up space

this one’s sneaky, especially with girls.

that constant pressure to shrink. to be polite, quiet, nice, agreeable.

and i love raising kind kids. but not small ones.

i want them to speak up. to take up space. to be proud of who they are.

my daughter is allowed to be loud.

my son is allowed to cry.

and i’m allowed to not explain every decision i make.

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and here’s the thing.

i’m not doing this because i think i’m better than anyone.

i’m doing it because i still struggle with all of this.

i still overwork to feel worthy. i still flinch when i make a mistake. i still hate how my thighs look in certain angles.

but i don’t want that to be my kids’ starting point.

i want them to know their value without having to dig for it in their 30s.

that’s the whole mission. that’s why i keep going.

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so if you’re also out here trying to break cycles in stretchy pants and yesterday’s dry shampoo… i see you.

you’re not doing it wrong.

you’re doing it slowly.

and quietly.

and beautifully.

the kids might not say it. there’s no award. no one claps when you let your kid help make breakfast instead of doing it for them.

but one day they’ll look back and realize they were raised by someone who chose better.

even when it was hard.

even when it was messy.

and that matters more than you know.

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if this hit home for you, feel free to share it with another cycle-breaking mom.

or come find me on substack or Instagram

i’m always there, tired but trying.

love ya mean it

catch ya next time

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