Mike has known Janine since the eighth grade. On one of their early dates, they were so immersed in their conversation, they didn’t realize they closed down the restaurant. Chairs on the tables, floor being mopped, they were asked to leave. In that moment, Mike knew he was in love. Janine fit perfectly into Mike’s large, gregarious, boisterous family. An ‘aha’ moment for Mike… “this girl is cool!”

Mike and Janine had a solid, loving, fun marriage. They grew up together and their relationship, and subsequently a family, grew with them. Family was their priority. Although he didn’t fully recognize or accept it, Mike’s sexuality has always included an attraction to men. Their marriage defined by trust, Mike knew he needed to share these feelings with Janine. Unable to hold it in any longer, he overcame his guilt, shame, fear, feelings of isolation, and he confided in Janine.

Mike fought accepting he is gay; with Janine’s support, he spent two years exploring his sexuality. Mike stopped sleeping, became anxious, panicky, spent days screaming at the top of his lungs inside of his head. It was scary and there was no escape. Knowing something had shifted, Mike finally realized this wasn’t a choice he was making. This is who he is. 

"I'm gay," Mike blurted out at the breakfast table moments before their daughter's book club was arriving.

No preparation, the words tumbled out. The truth spoken from his head, heart, and stomach, a weight was immediately lifted off of Mike. Juxtaposed with the look on Janine’s face as the rug was pulled from underneath her. The following weeks and months were carefully navigated. Their children and keeping life as normal as possible were their priority. Mike found an apartment close to their family home. 

Mike found few resources that resonated with him. He found support at Gay Father’s of Toronto; however, Mike felt in limbo. His greatest sources of support were Janine, his exploration (and current) partner, and a therapist.

The most challenging aspect of Mike’s journey has been finding himself. He’s a gay man and a dad, a friend, someone living a “straight” lifestyle. He lives a family-centric life. Mike acknowledges that it is going to take time to fully embrace is identity as a gay man. He doesn’t see this as a challenge, just the next phase in his journey.

The biggest gift of Mike’s journey? Feeling the power of love; realizing that love and family can take any shape or form. Mike and Janine call their “less conventional family” the “new normal.” Seeing their children embrace this experience has been a gift. 

Mike advises gay spouses to seek out platforms - like An Unexpected Launch- and to know that while you feel alone, you are not. Mike recommends letting your spouse in; you can’t do this alone. Mike realized his coming out was inevitable; he could not have endured burying these feelings and his truth.

Mike’s greatest hope is that his family continues to thrive, grow, and carry on what they’ve started. That they continue to embrace who they are, realizing there is so much love and that they are all ok. Mike also hopes all in our situation find peace, new hope, and happiness.