In this episode of Fostering Conversations, host Amy Smith welcomes back Laura from Foster Parenting to discuss her first book, First Time Fostering. Designed as a practical field guide, the book brings together real-world strategies, scripts, and community-sourced wisdom to support new foster and kinship caregivers.

In this episode, you’ll hear:

Amy: Tune in to today’s episode we chat with Laura from Foster Parenting. Talking about her first book a must read for all foster parents. Welcome to Fostering Conversations. I’m your host, Amy Smith. Today we have Laura from Foster Parenting. That is what she’s known for on her Instagram, and she’s joining us again for the second podcast and we’re so excited to have her.

Thanks for being here, Laura.

Laura: Thanks so much for having me back.

Amy: I’m excited because you are putting out a book.

Yes, I’m excited and , all of the feelings.So I was privileged enough to get to read the book, so I’m excited to chat with you about it today. Tell us the name of the book and then tell us why you wrote this.

Laura: So it’s called First Time Fostering. And I wrote it because a lot of people were asking for it. That was the start is everyone’s like, I binged all your videos, but I wish I could have this all written down. there’s so much in the comments, but like, how do I put it all together?

And so I was like. you know, maybe I could do some blog posts, which I started doing. But then that became like another thing to look through and figure out and navigate. And I know that, new foster and kinship providers don’t have a lot of time. They’re in the weeds. And so I really wanted to get all of that.

Rich information shared on my platform from the community all in one spot. And so that is the book. It’s everything compiled together into one place to support, new caregivers.

Amy: I love that because the very first thing I think that you say in the book is this is a manual. You can read the whole thing through. You can just go by topic. And it is from the very beginning, it is so well organized that it’s truly like,okay, I need help with this specific topic. Okay, this page, bam.

I love that.

Laura: I really was just drawing from, what I’ve been doing online for, the last few years is people come to me for a very specific, like, oh, we haven’t been sleeping. what are we doing wrong? Or , what am I not thinking of? And so that was the thought process is okay, let’s just talk about maybe the pain point and go to that specific place of the book. I also, prefer books like that so I can find an answer quickly.

Amy: The second I started reading, I was kinda laughing at myself because there’s so many books that people recommend to foster families and you’re like, cool, I have to read the 700 page book, and half of it is scientific language that I don’t know. your Book was not overwhelming, I loved.

Laura: And I think there are so many books out there that support in different ways, right? It is important to understand child development, how trauma affects the brain, all of the different parenting methods and, therapeutic interventions. and so I did wanna create something that was different, I didn’t wanna replicate a lot of the great things already out there I wanted to add to it and create something different.

Amy: I think you succeeded so beautifully.

Laura: Thank you. I try to be practical and to the point.

Amy: This is such an easily used book, people that are considering foster care, this is really what it looks like.

I think what we’re gonna chat a little bit more today is these families that are licensed, maybe they’re waiting for their first placement, or maybe they have their first placement a few weeks in.

How does this book help them now?

Laura: And that is the goal, right? It’s the field guide. So here we are, we’re ready to go. we’re about to say yes, or we’ve just said yes. Now what? And my hope is that people will, take a bullet point here and there and feel confident as they navigate some of these brand new situations. And for me, I was a first time parent too.

And so it was important for me to include. extra info for those of us who maybe don’t have that context and don’t understand, this whole other world of parenting that we’re just being introduced to for the first time.

Amy: that’s so true. that was not how I came into foster parenting. I had parented for 12 plus years, and then brought in kids, and so I think. That’s a really good insight that you have into that because there are so many foster parents who have never parented before, and I wouldn’t have even considered that.

So I love that you have that consideration and that perspective.

Laura: Thank you.

Amy: So let’s talk about when someone is like, I am in over my head. What am I doing? They grab your book. What should they do with that book?

Laura: Okay. So if they’re already in a place where they’ve said yes, and they’re like in over their head, then I think going straight to part two, which is the middle of the book, the crux of the book, and that is all of the interventions and things you can do within your home, because that the end of the day, is what we can control.

Amy: For sure. We’re not waiting on a therapist. We’re not waiting on this or that.

Laura: Yeah, there’s so much of foster care and foster parenting that we have no control over, and it can be really frustrating and disheartening as well. And so I wanted to provide as much information as possible of things we can control. Which is our caregiving. It’s our day-to-day life with children in our home.

And so what I would encourage someone to do if they’re feeling overwhelmed, is to go to part two. And, part two opens up some of the foundational parenting skills of foster parents where we talk about. I hate the word basics. I need a better word for that, but it’s the starting point of what we do.

And that starts with, you know, points of connection, instilling trust and bonding with our kids and different ways to do that. And then, you could also go to a very specific place, maybe you’re struggling with finding foods that they will eat or they’re up a lot at night. You could go to that very specific chapter, to help you and brainstorm some fresh ideas if you’re stuck.

Amy: tell us how you came up with all the different topics. Like you’re saying the, the section two has these tangible ways to help. How did you come up with those specific topics?

Laura: I, spent many years listening to the community and there is definitely themes that come up and, in my previous career life I was in, consumer market research. I was a moderator and focus groups and qualitative research. And pulling insights from community members is something that I have naturally done professionally.

And so it was very interesting to me to see. What was coming up over and over and over again. And I would even ask what’s the basic skill that you’re doing in your house every single day? And I would hear from thousands of people. And so it was really just narrowing down like this is the key things that people are talking about.

And obviously grounded in my personal experiences too, things that I’m doing on a day-to-day basis. I would hear about all the different parts of the day, this is troubling. Or this kid’s experience neglect and it’s impacting. every part of the day with different nuances, and so I tried to break it through to just be as practical as possible to meet you in those moments.

Like here we are at the dinner table, I’ve met you there. Here’s some things you can think about.

Amy: I love in your book, and this is I think the majority of your Instagram as well, are these script or these narratives or these role playing essentially, where you show what the kid might be doing and then you show what the caregiver, how they would respond. And I think those are really invaluable because you can tell someone, Hey, this is what it could look like.

But when actually read or hear or see. See on your Instagram, someone role playing. It just clicks a little more and gives you a little more confidence to engage in that.

Laura: Yeah, I was a little worried if that would translate to the page because I think, to your point, seeing and hearing it, and so I really wanted to be as straightforward and direct as possible. And so I have listed a lot of scripting, starting points for caregivers. Just, if you’re entering this conversation for the very first time, here’s something you could maybe say, adapt it to your tone, the kid, the personality, all of that.

I felt like that’s what caregivers needed and that’s what I needed. If I’m just being honest,

Amy: Yeah,

Laura: no, I, sometimes I do, but I still to this day will practice what I’m gonna say if I know this is gonna be tricky, or if something did not go as planned, like we had an issue, there was like an escalation and I didn’t respond in a way that was supportive to the kid.

I sometimes will think about, okay, what could I say differently next time and practice that so that when that moment comes. I have it ready to go. And so I wanted to offer that to everyone, that read my book and I do offer it online as well, of something just to start with or just to try differently next time.

it might be more supportive because, all of these hundreds of people have said this is really what was the thing that helped them in that moment.

Amy: I know for me personally, I had an experience, not even foster care related, but a few months ago it was like, I got put in this really. Difficult situation and I just froze and I didn’t know what to do and I had to reach out to my friends and say, this is what just happened. What should I do?

And they told me. And then the next day I was like. I knew that answer, but I couldn’t do it in moment ’cause I was so overwhelmed at the time. And that’s exactly what your book can offer is sure, I know how to handle kids at bedtime, but for some reason I can’t remember right now and I just need to go read an example of what I should say and

Laura: Yeah. Or even just to confirm you’re on the right path too. Like , things take time, especially for kids who are new to our home. but even if they’re not, like things change, things happen and we have to show up again and again and again, and it takes a lot of time. To build trust, and then obviously,if things change in the case or something happens with their parents or at school or friends or whatever, that changes a lot of the interventions you do.

But I hear you and I feel the same way sometimes. I’m like, I’m overwhelmed. I don’t know, like what I should be doing. And sometimes you just need a little brainstorm session

and that’s that’s what it is. My book is just. Bullet point list if I’m being direct,

like it’s just a list of okay, here’s the brainstorm.

What resonates, what could work? What haven’t you tried? maybe this nuance could unlock something different.

Amy: I made a list of like my favorite of your book, or maybe what I hadn’t thought about. I fostered for four years, and some of the things I was like, oh my gosh, that’s such a good idea. So if you’re okay with would love to just just to give people a taste of what is in there, so one of the first ones is, I loved this. I did not do this at all. Never even thought about it. And such a good idea. so that is that you give a sample email to family and friends, Hey, we’re going to be fostering. Hey, you might see new kids with us.

Hey, don’t ask these dumb questions. you say it much kinder, but that’s how I would say it. I never did that. I never forewarned people

Laura: yeah. we can’t,expect everyone to know if we don’t know what to do or say, Certainly our friends and family may also not know, and honestly, it comes from some trial and error. I know for me. I did send an email out, but I didn’t always address everything specifically, and then things came up and like after I was like, oh, we should probably talk about that later when the kids aren’t around.

I think a lot of people are facing these like friction points with friends and family, all from a place of goodness and care and wanting to just engage in the process, which is. Great. I’d never wanna shut people out, sure there’s privacy, but we can’t foster alone.

We have to let our friends and family in and make them a part of the experience in order for this to be sustainable. And so I’m glad that part stood out to you. I hope that helps other people kind

of get things rolling.

Amy: Yeah, because I remember the very first week, our very first placement, she was a teenager. I took her to a youth group that I ran, did not warn any of these youth that I was bringing a new teen with me that lived with

me.And one of the other youth was like, wait, why does she live with you?

Laura: I was like, um, you know, just and I said something stupid who wouldn’t wanna live with me? I like that. Humor’s a big, we’re like deflecting or just like sidestepping. That is a

part of what we

Amy: But how much better would it have been if I educated that youth group, like what our family dynamic may look like in future, and gave them that opportunity to learn before I brought kids

Laura: Yeah,can also, take it and, depending on the age of the youth is align on the story with them too. So they know what they’re walking into. Like who do they think I am? what do they think of this situation? Or what’s the story that I want out there?

And I think that can be a really great place to start because of course our kids are with us and in community with us, and we want that. And I think getting everyone aligned is a really important part.

Amy: Yeah, it is. So I loved that. I loved that aspect that you shared. some of the other things that I loved,going along with that, you share actual ways to respond to inappropriate questions, which I loved. Because like me, once again, I’m gonna just say something’s stupid, but

Laura: which is

But it’s helpful for people like me that either don’t know or didn’t think of it and just oh, that is such a great response. So simple. But I didn’t think of that.

So those types of responses definitely are crowdsourced and, community members along the way have shared like, oh, this is how I usually say it. And I’m like, oh, that is much better than what I said, put it in the list. And I think that, in all of that sharing of experiences, we can really, refine what we’re doing, what we’re saying, and how we’re communicating things.

because I definitely have also not responded, or I’ll just freeze, to what you said

earlier.

Amy: Sometimes you’re just really caught off guard, like, why would you even ask that?

Laura: Oh, I didn’t think of that even being a comment or question, and I, I’m not sure.

Amy: Yeah. And it’s also refreshing to know all people are asking dumb questions. Like you say, people are for the most part, good intention,

but all foster parents and kids in foster care are getting some dumb questions or inappropriate questions,

Laura: inappropriate and insensitive or just, people have a lack of awareness and knowledge and, that’s, aside from kind of the work with this book and everything, I do have a broader community that comes to my page just to learn about what is foster care. And there’s a lot of just preconceived notions and just like myths and things that, that people don’t understand.

there’s a lot to learn. A,

everyone is learning. We’re still

Amy: Exactly, and even foster parents are like, oh, wow, had no idea that’s what this entailed or that’s what I was gonna be doing. I love that. some of the other things I loved that you don’t only just. Have this amazing book, but you also share great apps and other books and resources, and a lot of them I hadn’t heard of.

There’s a lot of the traditional ones that I think many foster parents are rolled out, and it’s, ingrained for us to read and participate with. But you had a lot of good ones that I hadn’t even heard of yet, and

Laura: Oh, thank you. Yeah, I try to include like resources, shopping lists, checklists, things to, that I’ve collected along the way too, because how can one person know everything? I think. That’s what makes foster care so tough. And I’ve even had, workers reach out and be like, what was that thing that you sent me the other day?

it’s hard to keep track of all of those resources and details, so I’m glad there were some new ones on the list. I’m constantly finding new things too.

Amy: It just gives people what they need. They can look at the resources and say, yeah, this one helps me, or No, this one But it gives them, instead of them having to do a lot of it gives those tools, which everyone needs, but especially foster

parents need.

Laura: I find that, Google searching or asking like an AI chat bot, the information is not great. And, I think the best source of information is obviously professionals and the team, but other individuals going through it because like I said, you can’t know everything. It is impossible there’s so much out there to help knowing is half the battle.

That’s part of the problem with the system is, it’s hard to understand it all.

Amy: It is really hard and it’s hard to know what to do before things come up or during things come up or after. Like it is, information can be overwhelming and it also can be lacking. You can also be so uninformed sometimes that you don’t know of different options

Laura: I didn’t know to even ask that question. I didn’t know what I didn’t know. It’s

Amy: right,

Exactly. okay, this one I really loved you have a whole section on saying, no this isn’t the right placement, or this isn’t working, or I can take this kid for seven days, or whatever it is. I think that is so important because I don’t feel like it’s actually super acceptable in foster care world and

it should be,

Laura: and to be honest, I’ve gotten a lot of pushback just from the broader communities on, some videos where I share about this because, people think while you signed up to Foster, you should be saying yes in every case. this is the job, right? And it absolutely is the job.

But I think we have to be super mindful about who we are saying yes to. And what makes sense for our home, our family this time right now. Because, if we said yes to a kid and we can’t end up, providing the best support for them, or something comes up, Then we’ve now caused another, traumatic event for them.

If they have to move homes and it, it can get really. Bad for the kids if they’re just moving around in a lot. So I think saying no is part of it, and knowing your boundaries knowing what your parameters are. You of course have to be flexible because there will always be surprises and changes and things you weren’t aware of.

Flexibility is definitely part of it, saying no is part of it too.

Amy: It really is. And that was something that I feel like I had to learn the hard way. And so I love that you just have a whole section about that of it’s okay. And also I think you even say put it in writing. like

whether

that’s,

Laura: a hundred times in the book.

Amy: I love that though, because it’s so true. First of all, these caseworkers have 5 million cases, so they’re not gonna remember.

Second of all, then you both can remember

Laura: Mm-hmm. what

was agreed to. that’s like the kind of like a basic skill and advocacy, right? Get everything in writing and it’s just the first step. So yes, if you can step in for a weekend, a short amount of time, if you’re doing emergency care for the short term, that is definitely needed.

So kids are not sitting in offices or going to hotels. but yes, having it in writing is a good place to start that relationship and

start that advocacy.

once again, that’s a simple thing, but like, oh, I told the caseworker at so really they’re gonna remember no, they’re not. But we think they are, I think a lot of people, enter the foster care world for the first time and think it operates like, other

businesses. Yeah. Their own job. And I have heard from a lot of community members, I would be fired if I did this or said this or missed this. And it’s I understand. but it operates differently.

And also there’s a lot of behind the scenes nuance that foster parents are not aware of, not allowed to be aware of. And, There’s that too, so we can look at a situation and think we get it and we know why we haven’t heard from that worker. It’s because they’re too busy when

Speaker: Right?

Laura: reality, something else might be happening.

every

Amy: that’s a good perspective. maybe this will be the final thing that I, one of my favorite things, but, I love that you talk about permanent kids in the home. I love that not only does your book focus on, these relationships with the kids, the kids that are in foster care, but you talk about permanent kids, whether they’re biological, adopted, whatever, but they are permanently in your home.

Share a little bit about like why that’s so important and how that made it into your book.

Laura: I think it’s one of the top questions or concerns or worries that I hear from a lot of community members is how will this impact the children already in my home? my bio kids, like kids who are here through adoption in other ways, and, It’s not talked about in the training, it’s usually not a consideration.

there’s so much to cover in pre-service training, And I think a lot of workers assume this is your family and your children and you manage that and every foster home will handle that differently. But that leaves a lot of areas of question, worry, concern for foster families or people who are interested in fostering and, I tried to, incorporate them throughout. Obviously they’re not the focus of the book, but I felt it was important to include some considerations because they’re along for this as well. It’s life changing for. All kids in the home, when kids move in and when they move out, when things change with the case that impacts all of the children, not just, the kid whose parent maybe missed a visit that is a full family, dynamic shift maybe for the evening.

So it’s something to think about. It’s a starting point to think about, because every family has its own dynamics, of course. but I’m glad you noticed that. I wanted to make sure that all those points of view were considered.

Amy: I just think it’s important because I did have permanent kids in my home started the process and when we ended the process. And at the beginning it’s like this new and exciting thing. Like, oh, we’re gonna have extra kids in our home, and it sounds so fun. And then you have ’em and you’re like.

Oh my gosh. This is a little more intense than we maybe thought,

Laura: could you share something that was maybe surprising or something that was like, oh, I didn’t think of this.

Amy: Yeah, so we had, a ton kids come through our home because I did take crisis calls, so we had a lot of kids come in the middle of the night and they would be gone by the next morning or three days later, and then a few that stayed a long time, and a few that. Stayed forever. but there was one particular teenager who came, she was like almost the exact same age as one of my daughters, and my daughter was having a literal meltdown when I got the call, they, were pre at the time.

She having a meltdown about some stupid whatever. And I would always ask my big kids, are we willing to take this and so they’re like, oh yeah.

Immediately she goes from meltdown to just I’m so excited. This is gonna the best thing ever to have a new sister that’s the same age. And the first week they were best friends. They everything together and I was like, this is great. This was not our first placement, but I such a great fit.

All of the sudden my daughter’s I don’t like this girl. she is, yep. She’s sharing my room, she’s taking my stuff, she’s getting more attention. She’s getting to go shopping for all these clothes. ’cause she came with nothing.

It just all of a sudden Not good. and she stayed with us until she reunified.

we found some different boundaries. We split up their rooms. We ways that it worked and we ended on a good note. And it’s just sometimes it’s a lot for our kids. They go from really excited to have this new friend in their house to all of a sudden, oh, this friend’s not leaving.

is getting more privileges than me. and you have to find that boundary where you’re still honoring that kid. That’s a bonus kid in your house, but also still the permanent kid that is there forever,

Laura: Absolutely,

you touch on a lot of things that I echo in the book as well, and just like allowing kids to change their mind and then revisiting all of those house rules or boundaries or set up, separating, creating spaces, all of those things are things to think about and consider as you, move through each phase.

those first. Few days, few weeks are really a unique time. I think, very rarely does a kid move in and it’s just like that forever. There’s that getting to know you phase for everyone in the home and then you settle into daily life.

Amy: Yeah. The honeymoon phase is real.

Laura: Yeah,it is ever changing. I think definitely there’s a getting to know you. , And then, as trauma, reminders, big days happen each holiday season, all of those things throughout the whole year, each season brings its own change into a foster home. And,something that’s working really well for right now that lasted all winter.

Now it’s spring, now it’s summer. Things feel different and there’s a lot of reasons and there’s a lot of accommodations and support needs from foster families.

Amy: That is the perfect intro to why your book is so needed. I really do think your book is just so well done and so needed. ’cause I haven’t found another resource like that,

Laura: thank you. I appreciate you noticing that. ’cause I definitely took some leaps and did some things a little bit differently so that it could feel lot different and stand out from some of the other guidebooks out there. So thank

Amy: So tell listeners where and when they can buy it or what the different platforms are that they can get it on.

Laura: Okay, so it’s available on all major retailers online, so you can go to first time fostering.com and that will kinda link to all the major, bookshop, Barnes and Noble, Amazon, target, Walmart, all of those. So it’s pre-order until May 12th and then it comes out for foster care awareness month. And then, it will be available everywhere.

You can also ask your library if they’ll carry it or talk to your agency worker and see if they could add it to their lending library. I.

Amy: And you told us before we were recording that you were doing an audio of it

as well.

Laura: Yes, There will be an audio narrated by me, that will be out at the same time. And so if you prefer to listen, I wanted to make this information as accessible as possible to anyone that needs it and wants it.

Amy: Awesome. I love that. it is such a needed resource. I am honored that I got to read it early. So thank you. And thank you for joining us today. So if you want to learn more from Laura, you can go to Foster dot parenting on Instagram or first time fostering.com.

Laura: You got it. I really appreciate it. Thank you for taking the time to chat with me and for doing a pre-read of the book.

Amy: I truly enjoyed it so much. So thank

you.

Laura: Right. Thanks so much for having me.

If you wanna learn more about foster care, head over to www.utahfostercare.org.