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Ep 83: Why Putting Yourself First Isn’t Selfish: Solving the Leadership Equation
Human skills are the ability to deeply look at yourself, understand your patterns, and realize that to be a successful leader, you must put yourself first in the equation of your life. For years, many of us have been indoctrinated into roles of self-sacrifice; whether as the "caregiver" or the "provider," we often find ourselves at the very end of the list. When we abandon ourselves this way, we operate from an empty tank, leading to resentment, burnout, and physical health risks.
Tune in to learn how to identify the "hits" of instant gratification that keep you from setting boundaries, and why putting yourself first is actually the most service-oriented choice you can make. By filling your own cup first, you move from depletion to an overflowing capacity that allows you to model a more patient, present, and effective way of leading in a chaotic 2026.
Episode Highlights:
The Human Skills Deficit: Why the world has overemphasized technical skills for too long, leaving our human connection out of balance.
The Cost of the "Yes": Tosca shares a personal story of how ignoring her own stamina during a family trip led to walking pneumonia.
Gendered Conditioning: Breaking down how societal expectations for both women and men create a pressure to self-sacrifice to the point of self-abandonment.
The Ripple Effect: Understanding how your self-care provides a model for others to reject hustle culture and martyrdom.
Micro-Experiments: Practical ways to start honoring your needs, starting with something as simple as not delaying a bathroom break.
Quotables:
[01:00:45] "To be a successful leader, you must put yourself first in the equation of your life."
[01:01:22] "Your ability to deeply reflect on yourself, your emotions, your thoughts, your behaviors, your patterns: and your ability to then make a new choice for yourself is what will be the key for how you level up your leadership."
[01:13:30] "You have more capacity and patience to be of service because you are actually serving from an overflowing cup versus serving from a depleted cup."
Tosca's Links and Resources:
Sign up for Tosca's Newsletter: http://toscadimatteo.com/newsletter
Tosca's Website: https://www.toscadimatteo.com
Get in Touch with Tosca: https://www.toscadimatteo.com/contact
Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/toscadimatteo/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/toscadimatteo/
Props for: Theme music by Adrian DiMatteo https://adriandimatteo.com
View all episodes
By Tosca DiMatteoHuman skills are the ability to deeply look at yourself, understand your patterns, and realize that to be a successful leader, you must put yourself first in the equation of your life. For years, many of us have been indoctrinated into roles of self-sacrifice; whether as the "caregiver" or the "provider," we often find ourselves at the very end of the list. When we abandon ourselves this way, we operate from an empty tank, leading to resentment, burnout, and physical health risks.
Tune in to learn how to identify the "hits" of instant gratification that keep you from setting boundaries, and why putting yourself first is actually the most service-oriented choice you can make. By filling your own cup first, you move from depletion to an overflowing capacity that allows you to model a more patient, present, and effective way of leading in a chaotic 2026.
Episode Highlights:
The Human Skills Deficit: Why the world has overemphasized technical skills for too long, leaving our human connection out of balance.
The Cost of the "Yes": Tosca shares a personal story of how ignoring her own stamina during a family trip led to walking pneumonia.
Gendered Conditioning: Breaking down how societal expectations for both women and men create a pressure to self-sacrifice to the point of self-abandonment.
The Ripple Effect: Understanding how your self-care provides a model for others to reject hustle culture and martyrdom.
Micro-Experiments: Practical ways to start honoring your needs, starting with something as simple as not delaying a bathroom break.
Quotables:
[01:00:45] "To be a successful leader, you must put yourself first in the equation of your life."
[01:01:22] "Your ability to deeply reflect on yourself, your emotions, your thoughts, your behaviors, your patterns: and your ability to then make a new choice for yourself is what will be the key for how you level up your leadership."
[01:13:30] "You have more capacity and patience to be of service because you are actually serving from an overflowing cup versus serving from a depleted cup."
Tosca's Links and Resources:
Sign up for Tosca's Newsletter: http://toscadimatteo.com/newsletter
Tosca's Website: https://www.toscadimatteo.com
Get in Touch with Tosca: https://www.toscadimatteo.com/contact
Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/toscadimatteo/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/toscadimatteo/
Props for: Theme music by Adrian DiMatteo https://adriandimatteo.com