EP 31 - Aubrey Marcus & Kyle Kingsbury

What does it take to build a loving, successful relationship? Why does that seem all the more difficult now, in this day and age? Oh, and how do you build that with THREE people in the relationship – and we don’t mean you and a child. In this episode of Living 4D, Paul explores the nature of healthy relationships – and open relationships – with a pair of fellow travelers in Aubrey Marcus, founder and CEO of Onnit, and Kyle Kingsbury, former UFC fighter and Onnit’s Director of Human Optimization.

Show NotesPaul’s simple advice about polyamorous relationships: Until you learn to ride one horse very well, it’s dangerous to ride two at a time. (2:18)The first challenge with these relationships: Can you be honest? (6:31)“I needed to feel like I was the most physically dominant to be loved.” (18:49)Diseases between partners in relationships are ones stemming from repression and people wanting to be the center of attention. (26:08)Being polyamorous and wanting novelty isn’t just “a male thing.” (32:34)Psychedelics and plant medicines can help people unpack cultural programming. (38:43)“Love isn’t meant to be possessed. Love is meant to be wild to a certain degree.” (41:20)Plant medicines merely show you a path. You must still do the work to make change happen. (48:13)Making a compromise can be an act of love when it’s acknowledged by your partner. (54:52)How Kyle’s Prius is like the Batmobile… (1:02:54)Open relationships quickly expose our weaknesses and traumas that require fixing. (1:07:24)Paul has felt fears of “burning in hell” and being judged by God during a sexual experience. (1:15:55)A rare moment when the tables are turned and Paul became the student. (1:18:53)Open relationships require trust in your partner and yourself. (1:25:00)The financial sacrifices Paul made to keep the CHEK Institute alive. (1:30:22)The concept of compersion. (1:35:51)Seinfeld’s airing of grievances works in the real world. (1:43:10)Bringing someone new into an open relationship, especially one kids, is much like building a supportive tribe. (1:49:27)Listen to Kyle’s Human Optimization Hour and the Aubrey Marcus podcast on iTunes, Spotify, Stitcher and Google Play.

ResourcesSex at Dawn: How We Mate, Why We Stray and What it Means For Modern Relationships by Christopher Ryan and Cacilda JethaNonviolent Communication: The Basics As I Know and Use Them by Wayland MyersUntrue: Why Nearly Everything We Believe About Women, Lust and Infidelity is Wrong and How The New Science Can Set Us Free by Wednesday MartinAwareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality by Anthony De Mello and J. Francis StroudThe 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts Thanks to our awesome sponsors:

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