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Summary & Intro

John Finch – follower of Jesus, husband of 20 years, father to 3 girls (ages 8, 13, 15), grew up without a dad at a 11 due to suicide, has a passion for men who have the “father wound” in their life, founder & lead storyteller of the short film “Father Effect”, speaker, filmmaker, great down-to-earth gracious and kind guy.

Recap & Synopsis

Listen this week as John and I  discuss identity and this epidemic of fatherlessness. John very graciously opens up about the tragic loss of his father to suicide at the young age of eleven. He talks about how growing up with the pain of his dad’s death and how his dad’s absence shaped his identity as a man. John and I discuss a myriad of topics including the epidemic of fatherlessness in our culture, the importance of engaging with your kids, being transparent and authentic dads, how our view of our fathers shapes our view of God as Father, the importance of accountability and vulnerability with other men, dispel some popular fatherhood myths and misconceptions, the power of saying “i’m sorry”, the importance of going on dates with your kids and how having a tribe of men around you to speak life is vital. Hear John’s heart in this honest chat about dealing with the father wound that lives down inside of all of us.

*The following are my favorite top quotes from John and I. Use them freely and widely, but please offer credit where credit is due. For full show notes, click and download link below. Thanks.

Growing up with just a mom, especially at the age of 11 on, I really came to identity with all of the characteristics of my mom. She was incredibly sweet, kind and gentle lady. Because that was the only model I had, I literally took on those characteristics. I became this loving, kind, gentle kind of kid. As a 16-year-old boy, I came to understand that’s not the way I’m supposed to be as a young man. I was very confused. I was lost for many many years. I wrestled with my identity and where to find it. I looked into alcohol, pornography. I was searching for something to give me validation to tell me this is what a man does.

I found forgiveness for my dad and God released me.

I had been chasing my father for so many years. Even though he was dead, it was as if I was going to prove it to him that I can make it as a man on my own. I was trying to prove to the world that somehow I can make it on my own.

It was only in the forgiveness of my father that I finally began to see my new identity in God.

Gordon Dalbey’s book: “Healing the Masculine Soul” about this idea of the father wound.

My mom did an incredible job as a mom, but she could never be a father.

Growing up as a dad, I had a fear, subconscious or not, and was insecure about myself. I felt unstable. I had this fear of so much. Even as an adult, up until just a few years ago. When my wife and kids would be gone for the weekend, I would go into my bedroom and lock the bedroom door out of fear of someone coming in to do something to me. As a grown man, that’s an uncomfortable feeling.

I struggled with unworthiness because my dad chose to abandon me.