A recent blow up within my family caused me to reflect on the topic of repair and restoration. Harsh words were spoken. Assumptions and misunderstandings reigned in the moment. And people were hurt. But - then we came down from the emotion of the moment. And intentionally practiced a few key activities:

- we talked it out
- we listened to each other on what was behind each person’s comments
- we listened to how our actions or words caused hurt to each other
- each of us owned our unhealthy contributions where that was the case
- we offered apologies
- we received apologies
- each person felt heard
- each person owned their part and apologized to who they hurt
- each person practiced offering grace in response to apologies
- and we moved on, without offense lingering

After many years of working on this very skill personally and with my wife, we are leading our kids in the same practice as well. And we're seeing big impact in our relationships with each other. And even those outside our home.

It is valuable to invest in building healthy relationships. Absolutely. But it is equally valuable to build repair skills. We all need them. And will use them. Frequently. In our personal relationships. And equally important - in our outward-facing relationships within our communities where we live.

I live within the territory called Canada. More specifically in the province of Alberta, in the settler community of Cochrane. Across Canada there is a story of broken relationship with deep historical trauma attached - the story of its indigenous peoples, their relationship to the land, and their relationship to those who settled here. Canada was declared a country in 1867. A process that included creation of various treaties, existing to this day, between the settler government and indigenous peoples of the land. In an effort to assimilate these peoples, their children were taken and placed in residential schools. Many never returned home. To this day stories are emerging from this dark chapter in our history. It is an open wound in our society.

Thankfully there is a growing awareness of the trauma caused and growing efforts toward truth and reconciliation. I believe each of us has been given a measure of power, an ability to bring personal impact to this narrative. Yes, it is a complex story with many stakeholders and actors. With many layers of effort required to address the systemic beliefs and related actions over so many years that have brought so much pain, disadvantage and trauma. But it starts with each of us. Practicing the work of repair and restoration. It may feel overwhelming. It may feel awkward and messy. But it is worth leaning into. One small act at at time as we build strength in repair and restoration.

I have found the following very helpful as a starting point, no matter which relationship needs repair:
- accept that we are human
- accept that we are going to respond in unhealthy ways to each other at times
- recognize when it is happening
- lean into those moments instead of dismissing them or running away from them
- acknowledge our shortcomings and contribution to the situation
- apologize to those we have hurt
- hold space for others to do this with us
- let go of the offense from others’ actions
- let go of the shame from our actions
- and keep moving forward, best we can

I encourage us all to look for opportunities to practice the lost art of repair and restoration. In the relationships around us. As we have the power to do so.

For more information on Canada's journey with Truth & Reconciliation see below:

https://www.canada.ca/en/canadian-heritage/campaigns/national-day-truth-reconciliation.html

https://www.orangeshirtday.org/