Why do couples keep falling into the same dynamic — one pursuing, one distancing — no matter how much they understand the pattern?

In this episode, Aaron and Greer go underneath the pursuer/distancer cycle to explore what's actually driving it. They also unpack why they tend to avoid using typical 'attachment theory' language. Because conflict and avoidance aren't just communication problems. They're the surface expression of something much deeper.

This episode covers:

— Why walled off and boundaryless are more useful frames than anxious and avoidant
— The two types of love avoidant — and why one is far easier to work with than the other
— How the amygdala creates associations that hijack the relationship (and what to do about it)
— The role of self-concept, shame, and relational certainty in fuelling the cycle
— What boundarylessness actually looks like — including the kind that doesn't look like weakness at all
— Why one person growing can create more friction, not less — and what that means for your relationship
— The difference between a wall and a boundary — and why it matters

Aaron and Greer also navigate a live moment of the dynamic playing out between them mid-episode — and use it as a real-time teaching on containment, repair, and coming back to the same team.

If you haven't listened to the shame episode yet, we recommend starting there
— it's the prerequisite for everything covered here.

— Aaron & Greer | Intimacy for Couples
intimacyforcouples.com.au