How do I talk to myself?
I scold myself when I am sad. I would always say, "Umy, what’s wrong with you? Good." Am I sure? Not really.

He hurt me.

He played tricks on me, my finger was scratched and bleeding by the broomstick. He was very scared, I knew. Because he pretended to be easy. He was afraid that I would lose control and go crazy. He thought that girls would cry, and it always made him into troubles.

Don't worry, not for me. Because I was afraid too. I’ve saw him been punished, that was so scary. I won’t let it happen again, at least this time. Let me cover him! I said “I’m fine” with a gentle smile. 

This is my professional "performance". I started it since  elementary school. But now I failed. That is my skin-deep “endurance”.

I must admit: It's you who bullied me. Why didn’t I cry? I don’t want to be mocked. Why didn’t I tell others? I don’t want to be hated. Why didn’t I go serious? Because I knew you like me.

How old am I? 10 years old.
How about you? The same.
Was I kind? I was worried. If I got mean, no one will ever like me.

So I endure. I feel weird, bad, and uncomfortable, but I look normal. I master this skill. I am the pro.

What is the limit of endurance?. Workaholic? Alcoholic? Binge eating? Non-stopped laughing?
Over-doing.

My love story is simple. I have been in a relationship once. And  now I am single. 

After installing the dating app a few times, or meeting friends a few times, I still quit all of them. I'm not interested. Besides, I'm tired...

What am I tired of? People who have a crush on me.

I don’t want to fit into their thoughts on me: “Umy must be nice. Be soft. Be tender.”

When interacting with people who like me, I detect the boundaries between us, making sure that their is no obscene lingers. I care for my feelings, I have to be clear that whether this romance is only a crave, or a challenge. I think of myself even more. I replay the conversation, knowing that I am not doing self-talk. So, let's meet again.

When it comes to relationship, I am worried about my personality, I am tired of my endurance, but I am proud of,

My Honesty.

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